Arranged Marriages vs Love Marriages

[nisha]

Thushan, can you please calm down and live your own life? If you want to listen to your parents, why the sudden "hurt" when it went the other way? If you want to totally abide by them, why are you questioning it? The fact that you are suggests that you are not too keen on the idea.

I'm not really a "model" daughter because I have my own concrete way of doing things. Stuff everyone else, I want what I want. If my parents want differently, well, maybe they should get a reality check and look at what will make their daughter happy (which is their primary concern). Thats just what I would do, and you know it.

If divorce wasn't such a shame to the family in Indian, Lankan, etc families I wonder how many arranged marriages would last. Hmmmm.

Frankly, I don't at all think many would. Its a sad thing, really.

They do say love comes after the marriage in that case. Shall I entertain the idea that love is more likely to develop within an arranged marriage (to develop!)

Your making it sound like it is a factory where shit like this can just automatically happen. Just because it has happened in some instances does not mean it happens in them all.

[thushan]

Thushan, can you please calm down and live your own life? If you want to listen to your parents, why the sudden "hurt" when it went the other way? If you want to totally abide by them, why are you questioning it? The fact that you are suggests that you are not too keen on the idea.

I'm not really a "model" daughter because I have my own concrete way of doing things. Fuck everyone else, I want what I want. If my parents want differently, well, maybe they should get a reality check and look at what will make their daughter happy (which is their primary concern). Thats just what I would do, and you know it.

Frankly, I don't at all think many would. Its a sad thing, really.
Your making it sound like it is a factory where shit like this can just automatically happen. Just because it has happened in some instances does not mean it happens in them all.

LOL. Calm down Nisha. Well, of course it did hurt - I did have to suddenly break it up with someone I was attached to. But it's not so much me, it was my fault in the first place and I deserved what I got, but the girl is having it really hard. I can't do that to someone again.

[MJRomeo81]

Although an arranged marriage is by definition different from a forced marriage, some degree of compulsion or persuasion is often used. Parents still have several ways of pushing their agenda. Why on earth would you marry someone with the hope that love and affection may take time to sprout in the heart? What if partners in an arranged marriage may not get emotionally close at all?

Some proponents of arranged marriages also push the notion that parents are more experienced and may therefore be better able to pick a suitable spouse for their child. I just don't see how this could be true assuming the parent's son/daughter is >=18.

Love marriage all the way.

[paulsterio]

Firstly, I'm really sorry to hear of what's happened Thush, like, I personally know that it's pretty tough on you personally not to mention tough on the girl as well. But good on you for being able to take care of yourself and remain strong during tough times, that's something which I really admire, but I hope you're feeling better now.

I generally think that arranged marriages aren't bad per se. Forced marriages are bad, but not arranged. Like, if we think about it, we all have to get to know our boyfriends/girlfriends from somewhere, whether it'd be through school or uni, or work, or through a friend's introduction...etc. Having our parents introduce us to a girl/guy isn't a bad thing at all. I think the point where it starts getting bad is when the parents pressure you into marrying a particular person.

However, if it's just an introduction then I would say that's not too bad. It depends where we draw the line though, different people will draw the line at different places, so it's a hard issue to really debate.

[curry_bro]

Thushan, look, if your parents are going to get involve, that's fine (mine are also keen on getting me arranged IF i cant find anyone suitable). But it is important to place some boundaries.Dont let them dictate your life, but make sure that they are still part of the decision making. If you marry a girl that they dont like, youve condemned yourself and the girl to living a life without inlaws (which is, in curry terms, pretty bleak).
 For the non curries out there, a set of points that a curry partner must have to be accepted by potential inlaws include:
- nice person (not arrogant etc)
- relatively attractive
- MBBS
- Well educated
- reasonably affluent
- MD
- MBBS and MD
- modest and NOT promiscuous
- PhD
- preferably a doctor or engineer
hahahha lol
im joking about the last bit by the way

[paulsterio]

For the non curries out there, a set of points that a curry partner must have to be accepted by potential inlaws include:
- nice person (not arrogant etc)
- relatively attractive
- MBBS
- Well educated
- reasonably affluent
- MD
- MBBS and MD
- modest and NOT promiscuous
- PhD
- preferably a doctor or engineer

Dev (Taiga) once said that if I don't do Medicine I will be destroying any change I might have had with a curry girl.


#thinkingofcontinuingtodomedicine #doitfortheladies #doctorsareattractive #money=happiness #idkbutilikehastagsbrah

[Truck]

I'd rather make my own mistakes then have my parents make them for me.

[curry_bro]

hahaha thats hilarious paul! hahaha but remember the equation of life yes?
e=effort

Medicine:
23972346873256(e) ~ $300, 000

Other just as paying professions
46374(e) ~ $300,000

hahahah but yeah, curry parents like doctors/dentists/engineers and not vets, for any of you who want to get in with a curry guy/girl

[paulsterio]

hahahah but yeah, curry parents like doctors/dentists/engineers and not vets, for any of you who want to get in with a curry guy/girl

apparently accountants used to be pretty high up the list as well, until every second curry guy started doing accounting

[curry_bro]

apparently accountants used to be pretty high up the list as well, until every second curry guy started doing accounting

oh yeah, accountants are still high up now though, cause they have te moneys haha

[Truck]

On another note, if an arranged marriage allows you to marry whoever you want, how is it an arranged marriage? There's nothing wrong with parents introducing you to a girl, the point where a parent forbids you from marrying/dating someone you love/like is the point where it goes too far.

[curry_bro]

On another note, if an arranged marriage allows you to marry whoever you want, how is it an arranged marriage? There's nothing wrong with parents introducing you to a girl, the point where a parent forbids you from marrying/dating someone you love/like is the point where it goes too far.

the situation in which kids are FORCED to marry people that they hate died out several generations ago. now its more of love marriage via the means of parents, i guess. i think its good, because it keeps everyone happy, and families dont break apart. its a nice set up, but then again, so is the alternative. both traditional love marrianges and modern-day arranged marriages have their pros and cons, but holistically, neither eclipses the other imo.

[Truck]

the situation in which kids are FORCED to marry people that they hate died out several generations ago. now its more of love marriage via the means of parents, i guess. i think its good, because it keeps everyone happy, and families dont break apart. its a nice set up, but then again, so is the alternative. both traditional love marrianges and modern-day arranged marriages have their pros and cons, but holistically, neither eclipses the other imo.

I personally can't see too many pro's in the arranged marriage situation... what do you specifically like about it?

[JCore]

I'm really struggling to think of reasons why someone would suggest an arranged marriage is better than a 'love' marriage (if that's the term you want to use). However, I don't come from a background where something like that would ever involve me, so I don't have an all that great understanding on the topic.

[WINGARDIUM]

Coming from an Indian family I must say that a love marriage seems far more attractive to me. (I must confess I am in love with the idea of being in love) Personally, my parents had a love marriage and copped shit from both sides of the family for two years until I was born and fixed everything 

But seriously speaking, arranged marriages can be both a blessing and a curse - for example; my uncle spent a good 5 years rejecting every 'proposal' until he was tired and just dgaf, he was career oriented and just got married because my grandparents were worried he was getting old.  He told my (now) aunty how he felt and she agreed to the marriage (as she felt obliged to, her parents thought my uncle was an excellent 'suitor') knowing that he had no real interest in her. I highly doubt that they will have children and they have both voiced how unhappy they feel in the relationship. I also don't like the general idea of the arranged marriage - it's somewhat "show-pony-esque" (based entirely on how they are shown in indian movies)