Arranged Marriages vs Love Marriages

[pi]

Hehe. Hence the reason why I'm going to wait until I'm in my mid-20s.

But the idea is that if I date someone, my parents don't like her, I have to desist. That'd really hurt her. Not doing that to anyone ever again.

If only we could take your parents to Dr Phil haha, they just seem a bit too strict on everything

[thushan]

If only we could take your parents to Dr Phil haha, they just seem a bit too strict on everything

They're not that bad, they're actually not that bad at all.

[paulsterio]

Hehe. Hence the reason why I'm going to wait until I'm in my mid-20s.

But the idea is that if I date someone, my parents don't like her, I have to desist. That'd really hurt her. Not doing that to anyone ever again.

Not encouraging you to do anything bad, but don't tell your parents Thush, they're depriving you of an important experience.

Secondly, I'm not sure about waiting till your mid-20s, what is the difference between now and then, nothing really, you'll face the same issues no matter how old you are.

I'm not trying to push my point, not at all, of course it's all your choice, but I'm just saying, you know, think about it from another angle.

[Mr Keshy]

If only we could take your parents to Dr Phil haha, they just seem a bit too strict on everything

They could argue that our parents are too lenient! I think we're just not used to it. He's lived with them since the start so that's how he's been brought up.

Not encouraging you to do anything bad, but don't tell your parents Thush, they're depriving you of an important experience.

Secondly, I'm not sure about waiting till your mid-20s, what is the difference between now and then, nothing really, you'll face the same issues no matter how old you are.

I'm not trying to push my point, not at all, of course it's all your choice, but I'm just saying, you know, think about it from another angle.

True, while I don't agree with what they're doing, I can respect it because they're doing it in his best interest. But he doesn't seem to be against it so much anyway, so maybe nothing needs to change. But if he isn't he certainly needs to be heard louder

[curry_bro]

i think thush is making the right decision, because he knows his parents and himself better than any of us. my only concern is that he makes decisions for the right reasons and not just because his parents disapprove.. although, im sure he is anyway (you know, making a sound decision), so i dont really think that his choice is in any way unjustified. i would personally have done the same.
and i personally think his parents arent 'too strict about everything'... they just love their son and want to protect him. is that so bad?

[pi]

my only concern is that he makes decisions for the right reasons and not just because his parents disapprove..

This.

And there IS always a distinction in what is "right" and what his (or anyone's) parents "approve" of. And that's where you have to step in and make that distinction and take control of your own life.

[curry_bro]

but i still want to stress the importance of parental approval. i personally wouldnt do anything drastic outside the realms of parental acceptance. i may even try for med, cause thats wot they want

[charmanderp]

Can I suggest that we divert the conversation away from Thushan personally? I feel like some of what's been said would make him feel pretty uncomfortable.

[paulsterio]

True, while I don't agree with what they're doing, I can respect it because they're doing it in his best interest. But he doesn't seem to be against it so much anyway, so maybe nothing needs to change. But if he isn't he certainly needs to be heard louder

Remember, they're doing in what they think is his best interest, which might not be what he thinks is his best interest or what is actually truly in his best interest. Those three can be separate and distinct.

Example - A child is a heroin addict (just to break away from the issue of marriage)
- What the child thinks is in his best interest - to get heroin and inject
- What the parents thinks is in his best interest - to hide it and not tell anyone (no rehab) because it'll bring a bad reputation on the child and the family and nobody would want that
- What is actually in the child's best interest - to go to rehab

Get what I mean?

i may even try for med, cause thats wot they want

lol, and will it be you or your parents who pays the price for this decision in 30 years time?

[Mr Keshy]

Haha this thread turned from being a discussion about marriage to thushs parents lol!

[brenden]

Well, he's a really fucking fast runner, so his parents did something right in the fitness department.

[paulsterio]

Well, he's a really fucking fast runner, so his parents did something right in the fitness department.

They gave him good genes x0x0x

[thushan]

Haha, it's ok I don't mind this discussion. Will reply later.

[Biceps]

Personally i don't mind both.
Love marriage appeals to me more because it is more of a "trial and error" type of marriage. If things don't work out no headaches arise (maybe a bit of heartache which is still better than a wallet-ache).

[curry_bro]

yeah, lets take the spotlight off thush for a moment.
'in countries like Iraq where the nation is fraught with war, deception and corruption, it is inappropriate to engage in love marriages, due to the unstable social structure of the environment. Arranged marriages are virtually the only means of finding a decent, non extremist partner. Discuss'