sadly i got my trials next week
pmsl right in the feels
I'm gonna do Mod C first.
You should also check out the feedback I gave to another person doing WtDin regards to Mod C, this is the very same essay i memorised and got 15/20 for. the essay question was
"the manner in which composers represent people and politics has the capacity to influence society's perception of power and integrity" Evaluate the above statement making close reference to Barry Levinson's Wag the Dog, and ONE other related text of your own choosing.
-what is missing from my essay and the top band?
-where can i improve? sophistication? better techniques? structure?
Spoiler
Introduction – 152
The process of fabrication of power correlates with the political motivations of individuals in modern society. The desire to maintain power and authority are scrutinised with every political action, which has furthered encouraged politicians to maintain their authoritative position at all cost. In the film ‘Wag the Dog’ by Barry Levison and in the short story ‘The Weapon’ by Fredrick Brown, the tensions between people and politics are presented through cinematic and narrative forms. The discrepancy between people and politics is a key consideration within a plethora of texts which underscores contemporary social and ethical values. This is further reinforced with Levison’s portrayal of American politics and social anxieties through the thematic concepts of ‘ethics, truth and power’ similarly; Brown consolidates the concepts of power and autonomy through objective and collective perspectives. Ultimately both texts aim to demonstrate how public and collective perceptions are represented through the manipulative nature of social politics.
Ethics and morals – wag 161
The unethical and immoral actions pursued by politicians are a key element within the narrative of the film. This is evident in the scene when the opposition party exploits the sexual misconduct of the president to amplify his immoral actions. Through the choice of emotional and persuasive language ‘Sexual relations with a girl thirteen years old’ the news reporter has intensified the situation. In response, Mr Fix It is summoned by the President, Brean acts as impeccable representation of politics, who fabricates the truth. This is evident through Levison’s utilisation of cinematic techniques such as the juxtaposition of on screen and off screen characterization to further manipulate the public and distract them from the truth. Brean’s identity is exposed in the opening scene ‘there is no B3 bomber, im working on it……’ The repetitious phrase emphasise Brean’s definitive choice to deceive the public which highlights the irresponsible behaviour of politicians as they are ignorant of the cumulative effect of their actions.
Ethics and morals – weapon 96
Comparable, in ‘Weapon’ Dr Graham denies the anarchy his weapon could do. The line ‘I am working on a weapon….’ demonstrates through dialogue that he has rationalized his endeavours so that the side effects of his research are not his responsibility, this further portrays the careless nature of humans. This is similarly manifested in ‘Wag the Dog’, as Brean embodies an egotistical personality combined with his ignorant attitude. This is evident in ‘The war isn't over 'til I say it's over’. Ultimately this negligence of moral and ethical responsibility shows that individual goals surpass collective needs.
Society represented as unintelligent – wag 156
Levinson suggests that it is the public’s lack of discernment when consuming and receiving information and a social desire for heroic sensationalism that drives the success of the government's “pageant”. it can be argued that the government, led by Conrad Brean merely toys with the truth the American people wanted to believe; producing the war as a show to “give ‘em what they want”. The scene specifically the mid shot of the staged Albanian news report conveys the simplicity of stirring public sentiment with “poignant” images that exploits the public trust to gain emotive power. This is reinforced when an image illustrated in the non-diegetic film soundtrack of “The American Dream” which evokes patriotism by idealising “democracy” and “liberty” as the archetypal lifestyle.
Impact of politics on individuals – weapon 143
In addition, through Niemen’s action of giving Harry a loaded revolver, Frederic juxtaposes Graham’s opinion with Neman’s and suggests that actions always have consequences. The author amplifies Graham’s blindness to this in the line ‘only a madman would give a loaded revolver to an idiot’ clearly, Brown is points out Graham’s ignorance to his responsibility and substantiates his wrongfulness. The final quote uses irony and connotative words such as ‘idiot and ‘madman’’, which implies that the ignorance of certain members in society could result in the possibility of the catastrophic ramifications on humanity. This furthers the symbolic representation of the wide scale destruction that can be a result of inscience. Correspondingly in ‘Wag the Dog’ the destruction of society is executed by individual’s action. As evident in ‘we’re not going to have a war, we're going to have the appearance of a war.’
Power and authority – wag 121
Autonomy is determined by political capacities, as personal and social contexts are shaped by the media’s portrayal of contemporary issues such as election campaigns. This is evident in the film, as the establishment shot introduces political propaganda through advertising. The producer accentuates the agenda of politicians and their motivation to control society, this is seen through the use of historical allusion with the reference to Abraham Lincoln’s quote ‘don’t change horses midstream’ this further signifies the ambition of politicians to sustain their status. Ultimately in order to maintain an authoritative position and sovereignty it is essential to exploit the public with persuasive and duplicit means. Conclusively, in both texts the struggle for autonomy is a constant tension between individuals and minorities.
Autonomy – weapon 117
Autonomy is determined by an individual’s social status and their relationships with others. These relationships and the subsequent dichotomies in power highlight the skewed nature of politics. As apparent in ‘Weapon’ Graham’s dialogue ‘I fear you’re wasting your time …..’ uses assertive tone and hyperbaton to fragment and chunk the dialogue. This ascertains that the speaker has autonomy over the conversation and the wider situation. In addition, autonomy is depicted through Niemen’s action ‘I took the liberty of bringing a small gift to your son’ Brown foreshadows the reversal of power, where the situation reverts and the minority gains power. This subversive concept enforces the dynamic nature of autonomy and how it is a socially manipulated construct.
"the manner in which composers represent people and politics has the capacity to influence society's perception of power and integrity" Evaluate the above statement making close reference to Barry Levinson's Wag the Dog, and ONE other related text of your own choosing.
Introduction – 152 The process of fabrication of power correlates with the political motivations of individuals in modern society. This opening sentence has a lack of accuracy and specificity that make it not as appealing as it could be. For example, it seems that you're getting at the idea that people USE power in order to fabricate THINGS. This use of power to fabricate things is CORRUPT. That's what it seems like you're going for, here. However, "The process of fabrication of power" --- the process of faking power? How does one fake power? And what process do they use to do it?... The latter half of the sentence then gives the 'corruption' connotations, which is good and hits up the 'integrity' part of the prompt, but your opening sentence could be reworked with some added complexity and depth.The desire to maintain power and authority are scrutinised with every political action, which has further
ed encouraged politicians to maintain their authoritative position at all cost.
Much better second sentence In the film ‘Wag the Dog’ by Barry Levison and in the short story ‘The Weapon’ by Fredrick Brown, the tensions between people and politics are presented through cinematic and narrative forms.
The discrepancy between people and politics is a key consideration within a plethora of texts which underscores contemporary social and ethical values The sentence I've struck out is pretty boring, because it's just a general sentence that mentions a mysterious "plethora of texts" and doesn't do much for the prompt or critiera. Instead, you could have hit the prompt after saying "cinematic and narrative forms", you could chuck in a sentence about how those forms respectively being to impact on society's perception of power and integrity. (Like a little taster to technique discussion)... Something really "tasty" and "wow" about here in the introduction would demonstrate to the assessor that your essay has promise and give them something to get excited about, because a good sentence right here would really SMASH the prompt relevancy and criteria relevancy. This is further reinforced with Levison’s portrayal of American politics and social anxieties through the thematic concepts of ‘ethics, truth and power’ similarly; Brown consolidates the concepts of power and autonomy through objective and collective perspectives. Ultimately both texts aim to demonstrate how public and collective perceptions are represented through the manipulative nature of social politics.
Good structure in your introduction. Opening sentence, preface to discussion, contention summary to wrap things up. Good. It's clear, it's logical. As far as how to improve, I'd improve by adding what you've called "sophistication" but I would call it a mixture of "accuracy", "depth", and "specificity".
I just mean getting deep into the prompt -- how will society be influenced by representations of power/integrity? What capacity does the composition have, to use the words of the prompt. I mentioned this in the opening sentence, and in the sentence of yours that I struck out because it was too general. Little things like these would add to your mark. Offer something insightful to the assessors. Legitimate insight that PROVES you've actually thought about the texts and the task at hand deeply. Ethics and morals – wag 161The unethical and immoral actions pursued by politicians are a key element within the narrative of the film.
Your topic sentences would benefit from the stuff I've outlined in this postThis is evident in the scene when the opposition party exploits the sexual misconduct of the president to amplify his immoral actions. Through the choice of emotional and persuasive language ‘Sexual relations with a girl thirteen years old’ the news reporter has intensified the situation. In response, Mr Fix It is summoned by the President, Brean acts as impeccable representation of politics, who fabricates the truth. This is evident through Levison’s utilisation of cinematic techniques such as the juxtaposition of on screen and off screen characterization to further manipulate the public and distract them from the truth. Brean’s identity is exposed in the opening scene ‘there is no B3 bomber, im working on it……’ The repetitious phrase emphasise Brean’s definitive choice to deceive the public which highlights the irresponsible behaviour of politicians as they are ignorant of the cumulative effect of their actions.
One thing that sticks out about this paragraph is that your quotes aren't super well integrated. For example: Through the choice of emotional and persuasive language ‘Sexual relations with a girl thirteen years old’... The quote just get's 'stuck' into the sentence. When you integrate quotes, you want it to be "integrated into the sentence" as if it were a "part of your normal grammar". <--- you can see in that sentence that I just put quotation marks around words I was already going to type lol. But that's how it should be in your essay. It should be like.... 'Describing "sexual relations" with a girl only "thirteen years old" evokes disgust by pairing two objects the audience would normally consider incompatible'. --- You see how the quotes are just normal? Your writing lacks that at the moment, and I think it would be a big benefit to practise, even just for 30 minutes on a loose scrap of paper (it will make a big difference) just integrating quotes into your own personal grammar.
If you quoted things like the above with a bit more sharpness, you'd have more word space to talk about how the technique is truly impacting the audience's perception (i.e., the capacity of the composition etc -- the prompt) which would further boost your essay. Ethics and morals – weapon 96Comparable, in ‘Weapon’ Dr Graham denies the anarchy his weapon could do. The line ‘I am working on a weapon….’ demonstrates through dialogue that he has rationalized his endeavours so that the side effects of his research are not his responsibility, this further portrays the careless nature of humans. This is similarly manifested in ‘Wag the Dog’, as Brean embodies an egotistical personality combined with his ignorant attitude. This is evident in ‘The war isn't over 'til I say it's over’. Ultimately this negligence of moral and ethical responsibility shows that individual goals surpass collective needs.
I felt this paragraph was too short to really 'offer' much to the assessors. I'd consider lowering the amount of paragraphs and upping the amount of complexity or depth within each individual paragraph, because this one was too short for you to really do much work in the way of the criteriaSociety represented as unintelligent – wag 156Levinson suggests that it is the public’s lack of discernment when consuming and receiving information and a social desire for heroic sensationalism that drives the success of the government's “pageant”
this is a better topic sentence that your first one. it can be argued that the government, led by Conrad Brean merely toys with the truth the American people wanted to believe; producing the war as a show to “give ‘em what they want”
this is better quoting.. The scene specifically the mid shot of the staged Albanian news report conveys the simplicity of stirring public sentiment with “poignant” images that exploits the public trust to gain emotive power. This is reinforced when an image illustrated in the non-diegetic film soundtrack of “The American Dream” which evokes patriotism by idealising “democracy” and “liberty” as the archetypal lifestyle.
I feel like you're not as tight to the prompt as you possibly could be. Like, there's not a lot directly discussing the depiction of power and integrity and the way in which WTD has the capacity to shape societal perceptions through the way it represents things. Impact of politics on individuals – weapon 143In addition, through Niemen’s action of giving Harry a loaded revolver, Frederic juxtaposes Graham’s opinion with Neman’s and suggests that actions always have consequences. The author amplifies Graham’s blindness to this in the line ‘only a madman would give a loaded revolver to an idiot’ clearly, Brown is points out Graham’s ignorance to his responsibility and substantiates his wrongfulness. The final quote uses irony and connotative words such as ‘idiot and ‘madman’’, which implies that the ignorance of certain members in society could result in the possibility of the catastrophic ramifications on humanity. This furthers the symbolic representation of the wide scale destruction that can be a result of inscience. Correspondingly in ‘Wag the Dog’ the destruction of society is executed by individual’s action. As evident in ‘we’re not going to have a war, we're going to have the appearance of a war.’
Power and authority – wag 121Autonomy is determined by political capacities, as personal and social contexts are shaped by the media’s portrayal of contemporary issues such as election campaigns. This is evident in the film, as the establishment shot introduces political propaganda through advertising. The producer accentuates the agenda of politicians and their motivation to control society, this is seen through the use of historical allusion with the reference to Abraham Lincoln’s quote ‘don’t change horses midstream’ this further signifies the ambition of politicians to sustain their status. Ultimately in order to maintain an authoritative position and sovereignty it is essential to exploit the public with persuasive and duplicit means. Conclusively, in both texts the struggle for autonomy is a constant tension between individuals and minorities.
Autonomy – weapon 117 Autonomy is determined by an individual’s social status and their relationships with others. These relationships and the subsequent dichotomies in power highlight the skewed nature of politics. As apparent in ‘Weapon’ Graham’s dialogue ‘I fear you’re wasting your time …..’ uses assertive tone and hyperbaton to fragment and chunk the dialogue. This ascertains that the speaker has autonomy over the conversation and the wider situation. In addition, autonomy is depicted through Niemen’s action ‘I took the liberty of bringing a small gift to your son’ Brown foreshadows the reversal of power, where the situation reverts and the minority gains power. This subversive concept enforces the dynamic nature of autonomy and how it is a socially manipulated construct.
What is missing?-Depth
-Specificity and complexity of response to the prompt --- "perceptive engagement with essay question". (Which also damages the extent to which the essay is a "highly effective" response.
Essentially, I think having so many paragraphs is a structural mistake, because it doesn't allow you to build on any of the content you put forward. Extremely talented writers might be able to get away with such a paragraph structure because they're able to successfully make the paragraphs flow into one another in a way that doesn't detract from their content. However, at the moment, your paragraphs are to some degree "removed" from one another, in a way that's like... Each paragraph, you read it, and it's like on the precipice of really "getting it", but then it ends before it goes into the requisite amount of depth. Then you go to the next paragraph and have the same experience. It would be good if you could extend a little bit, and really challenge yourself into really explaining in extraordinary and precise depth the techniques and how the text's representation of things impacts on the idea put forward by the prompt.
Doing this would also by default improve the way assessor's perceive your understanding of the rship between representation and meaning as well as your understanding of the text.
Sorry it's not more detailed, but I'm actually insanely tired right now considering it's only midnight. I gotta go to bed! Lol.