Login

Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

October 03, 2025, 12:56:53 am

Author Topic: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)  (Read 732369 times)

0 Members and 3 Guests are viewing this topic.

elysepopplewell

  • HSC Lecturer
  • Honorary Moderator
  • ATAR Notes Legend
  • *******
  • Posts: 3236
  • "Hey little fighter, soon it will be brighter."
Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #525 on: August 11, 2016, 03:52:12 pm »
Hi, these are my essays for modules for my trials so I have made them quite broad so that I can easily adapt them to an essay question. Please disregard the rainbow as it is purely for me to make it easier to memorise rather than for structure! Please and thankyou!

Hi Hannah! Go you, you organised thing! I too used a rainbow structure for memorisation!! I thought I was the only one!!
Unfortunately, the essay marking policy requires that you have made 15 ATAR Notes posts in order to get a creative or essay marked. Alternatively, you could ask us to look at a single paragraph that's worrying you, or ask us about your structure by talking us through your plan. But the essay and creative marking means we will read it line by line and make comments throughout on language, expression, ideas and structure. If there is a smaller thing worrying you, do ask! Otherwise, you will have to make another 13 posts on ATAR Notes in order to get any major piece marked because you have already had a Module A response marked :)
You can read more about the essay marking policy in my signature below. Hang around the forums a bit and you'll be sweet! :)
Not sure how to navigate around ATAR Notes? Check out this video!

jamonwindeyer

  • Honorary Moderator
  • Great Wonder of ATAR Notes
  • *******
  • Posts: 10149
  • The lurker from the north.
Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #526 on: August 11, 2016, 05:26:48 pm »
Hi, these are my essays for modules for my trials so I have made them quite broad so that I can easily adapt them to an essay question. Please disregard the rainbow as it is purely for me to make it easier to memorise rather than for structure! Please and thankyou!

Hey Hannah! Just letting you know that to get these three essays marked, plus your creative, you will need to hit 75 ATAR Notes posts. That's based on the essay marking policy available in my signature (scroll to the bottom and you'll see how I got the number 75). As Elyse said, the first one can get marked at 30 posts ;D

caninesandy

  • Trailblazer
  • *
  • Posts: 43
Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #527 on: August 14, 2016, 08:42:32 pm »
Hi guys!! :D

I have my Paper 2 trial on Tuesday and we haven't been taught how to write any of the module essays, THANK GOODNESS FOR ATARNOTES!! (seriously though), and I have attempt to start my Mod A essay. My texts are 1984 and Metropolis. I didn't finish the essay because i have no idea of what I am doing and need to try figure out the other modules...
If possible could you please be mark my esay as honest as possible as I am feeling pretty clueless...

Thank you all so much!
Sincerely,
Sara

Essay
Does the treatment of social manipulation in Nineteen Eighty-Four and Metropolis reveal the texts’ similarities or reinforce their distinctive qualities? In your response, make detailed reference to your prescribed texts.

Governments for the ages have been practising in social manipulation, not merely to control its people and retain political power, but to mould their own contextual concepts of the perfect human and society. George Orwell’s 1949 post-WW2 novel ‘Nineteen Eighty-Four’ (1984) is a strong testament to extreme social manipulation by an extreme totalitarian government. Similarly, however less severely, is Fritz Lang’s 1927 silent film, Metropolis which warns the tale of government and social inequality. When studies comparatively both Orwell and Lang have created their own distinctive interpretation of social manipulation and this is evident not only through their story but also through context and textual language features and forms.

Political agenda and corruption are often the cause for social manipulation and extensive propagation. Orwell, influenced by post-WW2 totalitarian governments, namely Hitler Germany and Stalin Russia, formulated a novel surrounding the extreme, and criminal if reading without of the story’s context, actions of a totalitarian government, The Party. The Party’s stark and domineering posters of ‘the enormous face [gazing] from the wall’ with a caption ‘BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING’ is a constant reminder to citizens of their cage-like world. Orwell’s use of personification increases the omnipotence of Big Brother and the constant threat of ‘vaporisation’. However, this pervasive and penetrating propaganda is best understood when placed within context of ‘doublethink’ which is a concept conceived by the Party to control the thoughts of its members and the whole of society. Orwell, furthered this through ‘thoughtcrime’ where ‘sooner or later they were bound to get you.’ Audiences upon reading are deeply confronted, especially as Orwell feared this future to be a possibility and for readers of the time it was written where surveillance and global politics were on the rise. However, perhaps more confronting is the political reason for such atrocious manipulations and restrictions - ‘pure power’. This use of alliteration is very effective in provoking the audience and the pairing ‘pop’ in the mind of the audience. George Orwell, influenced by the fear and threat of extreme totalitarian governments, warns for a future where social manipulation by governments is prevailing for political agenda.

Similarly, Fritz Lang’s ‘Metropolis’ imbues social manipulation to be the product of corrupt and traditional political and social hierarchies. However, his German Expressionist film focuses on the possibility for retribution and cooperation between government and citizens, unlike Orwell whose grim ending leaves readers with feelings of unease. In ‘Metropolis’ the workers underground live and work by the 10-hour clock, juxtaposed against the 12-hour clock for the bourgeois aboveground. Lang uses this restriction on the worker's’ perception of day and night to explore and present the social manipulation corrupt governments have over works in communism, a fear of his. Audiences are left with contempt and dissatisfaction with such drastic restrictions on citizens, however to a lesser extent to ‘1984’. Further, Lang’s low angle shots of the mechanical works marching to and from work represents the dominance and control the people of above have over the works. This is also enhanced by the low brass beating music accompanying the sluggish march of the worker leading audiences to evoking images of the German WW1 soldiers marching home, defeated and enervated after losing the war. This strong allusion and imagery help to portray Lang’s disapproval of communism and war upon citizens as the impact of social manipulation by governments forebodes struggle, and according to Orwell, failure.
"Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the LORD your God is the one who goes with you He will not fail you or forsake you."

jamonwindeyer

  • Honorary Moderator
  • Great Wonder of ATAR Notes
  • *******
  • Posts: 10149
  • The lurker from the north.
Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #528 on: August 14, 2016, 11:41:40 pm »
Hi guys!! :D

I have my Paper 2 trial on Tuesday and we haven't been taught how to write any of the module essays, THANK GOODNESS FOR ATARNOTES!! (seriously though), and I have attempt to start my Mod A essay. My texts are 1984 and Metropolis. I didn't finish the essay because i have no idea of what I am doing and need to try figure out the other modules...
If possible could you please be mark my esay as honest as possible as I am feeling pretty clueless...

Thank you all so much!
Sincerely,
Sara

Hey Sara! Thanks for posting your essay! Unfortunately, you do need 15 posts on ATAR Notes for every essay you'd like marked. This ensures that the service remains useful for you guys, while still attainable for the markers ;D 

That said, I want to give you a hand since your Trials are so soon! So some super quick pointers based on a skim read, if you hang around and get your next 10 posts by tomorrow night I'll be happy to give priority to marking it! Otherwise, be sure to hang around save up to have a few marked for the HSC period ;D

A few quick ideas:
- Good Thesis statements and conceptual approach, this is spot on, but be sure that your main idea is supported adequately. Neither of your topic sentences mention, for example, the mould their own contextual concepts of the perfect human and society part of your Thesis. If you raise an idea in the Thesis, ensure you talk about it, it's like a contract.
- Ensure your Thesis answers the question, specifically the "differences vs similarities aspect." You hint at this throughout the response but your first paragraph needs to make the link really obvious to the marker from the get go :)
- Ensure you have a conclusion in your essay to properly summarise all your ideas. Simply re-state your Thesis, re-link it to your texts, re-link to the question, etc etc.
- Ensure that your analysis doesn't fall into retell. In some sentences, you are missing a technique (However, this pervasive and penetrating propaganda is best understood when placed within context of ‘doublethink’ which is a concept conceived by the Party to control the thoughts of its members and the whole of society. ), and when techniques are included, you are examining their impact within the text. How they are used to tell the story, what effect they have on the characters, etc. This is retell! Be sure to look at how the techniques:
a) Convey an idea to the audience
b) Represent an aspect of the composers context (EG: The composers use of quasi religious imagery resonates with his Catholic audience... Those sorts of comments) ;D

You do those two things, but not consistently, be sure that every technique/sentence achieves at least one of these things ;D

Just a few things to keep in mind! Good luck for your Trials! ;D

birdwing341

  • Trendsetter
  • **
  • Posts: 153
  • School Grad Year: 2016
Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #529 on: August 20, 2016, 07:16:23 pm »
Hello :)

I have a speech for Module C next week, which is about 4 minutes long (which is very short), and I really need to cut down on my content. Whilst the speech is by no means perfect, I was wondering if you could assist me in finding areas to cut down on.

Thanks in advance!!

jamonwindeyer

  • Honorary Moderator
  • Great Wonder of ATAR Notes
  • *******
  • Posts: 10149
  • The lurker from the north.
Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #530 on: August 21, 2016, 12:10:55 am »
Hello :)

I have a speech for Module C next week, which is about 4 minutes long (which is very short), and I really need to cut down on my content. Whilst the speech is by no means perfect, I was wondering if you could assist me in finding areas to cut down on.

Thanks in advance!!

No worries birdwing! You are on my list, expect some feedback by the end of the weekend! ;D

birdwing341

  • Trendsetter
  • **
  • Posts: 153
  • School Grad Year: 2016
Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #531 on: August 21, 2016, 08:27:26 pm »
No worries birdwing! You are on my list, expect some feedback by the end of the weekend! ;D

Sorry if you haven't started marking mine yet, could you please wait 20 minutes, I'm just going over and reediting.

jamonwindeyer

  • Honorary Moderator
  • Great Wonder of ATAR Notes
  • *******
  • Posts: 10149
  • The lurker from the north.
Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #532 on: August 21, 2016, 09:41:44 pm »
Sorry if you haven't started marking mine yet, could you please wait 20 minutes, I'm just going over and reediting.

All good! I'll be sitting down with a coffee to mark it in the next hour or so ;D

birdwing341

  • Trendsetter
  • **
  • Posts: 153
  • School Grad Year: 2016
Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #533 on: August 21, 2016, 09:49:25 pm »
All good! I'll be sitting down with a coffee to mark it in the next hour or so ;D

Thanks so much Jamon, here is the adjusted project. Due tomorrow - last internals ever!!

jamonwindeyer

  • Honorary Moderator
  • Great Wonder of ATAR Notes
  • *******
  • Posts: 10149
  • The lurker from the north.
Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #534 on: August 21, 2016, 11:13:02 pm »
Thanks so much Jamon, here is the adjusted project. Due tomorrow - last internals ever!!

Woohoo!! I'll keep the comments fairly quick and concise so you can act on them quickly ;D

Spoiler
Conflict has proven a regular subject of artistic work, as composers are motivated to represent their perspectives on people and politics through an exploration of competing interests within individuals. W.H. Auden’s poems ‘Unknown Citizen’ and ‘September 1 1939’, both written in 1939, and Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck’s 2007 film ‘The Lives of Others’ represent the conflict between the desire to conform and rebel. Both composers use the structural and literary devices of their medium to emphasise the need for political action in the face of oppression to protect personal freedoms. Nice concise introduction here, good conceptual Thesis, you could delve a bit more into the idea of conflict, exactly what about it will you be exploring/accentuating? Effective start, however ;D

In ‘The Unknown Citizen’, Auden represents the conflict between conformity and freedom by satirising the submission of the eponymous citizen to the will of the state, reflecting on the futility of compliance under societal regimes. Excellent start to the paragraph, well considered and clever. The iambic tetrameter and rhyming couplets of the poem, ‘Yet he wasn’t a scab or odd in his views, for his Union reports that he paid his dues’, create a regular pattern, placing emphasis on the citizen’s ‘views and dues’ to suggest his conformity to society. Who is "his" there? If it is the character, shift the wording there to avoid retell. Auden ironically compares his citizen to the Unknown soldier, symbolic of national service, to suggest the virtue of compliance under societal regimes. Yet the tongue-in-cheek tone of the elegy, whose style suggests intimate understanding of the citizen, insinuates such knowledge is impossible. Instead the rhetorical questions ‘Was he free? Was he happy?’ challenge responders to consider the flawed nature of state control, highlighting the irrationality of conformity. Fabulous analytical style here birdwing, very hard to fault!

‘The Lives of Others’ similarly condemns the intrusion of authority into the realm of personal belief through a representation of conflicting interests of Stasi agent Wiesler and playwright Georg Dreyman in socialist East Germany. Try to keep the starts of each section audience focused, particularly for a speech. Avoid plot retells (however brief), your audience knows it well already. Von Donnersmarck characterises Wiesler through his grey clothing and the drab décor of his house which serve as metonymy for his lack of individuality, much like the conformed ‘views’ of Auden’s citizen. Wiesler is contrasted to Dreyman, whose house is colourful and homely, yet belief in the state is similar – seen in his insistent reply to an accusation he colluded with the Stasi by his moral foil, Paul, ‘I don’t know that’, and further highlighted in the mid-shot of Paul’s subsequent departure. Careful, slipping a bit into retell here, any time you are saying "Character said this" or "This happened to the character", chances are you are relling. Yet von Donnersmarck utilises dramatic irony, contrasting Dreyman’s faith in the state against their clear intrusion into his privacy, established by the repeated switch of focus between both characters. Thus von Donnersmarck condemns the conformity of individuals to such regimes. Nice.

Instead, Auden’s poem ‘September 1 1939’ represents the necessity of political action as a response to the conflict between subservience and subversiveness. Written in response to the outbreak of World War Two, Auden notes that ‘the conventions conspire to make this fort assume the furniture of home’, recognising the allure of state-propagated distraction through the metaphoric likening of a bar to a ‘fort’, yet undermining its credibility through the treacherous connotations of ‘conspire’. Nice contextual link here! Instead Auden utilises repetition of the inclusive pronoun ‘we’, ‘lest we should see where we are, lost in a haunted wood’, to stimulate audience engagement, challenging responders to observe the reality of war in contrast to the symbolic ‘wood’ of isolationism. Awesome. Auden’s understated conclusion ‘may I…[too]…show an affirming flame’ ironically belies his ultimate purpose in inspiring individuals to respond to their own situation with political action to protect their personal freedoms.

Von Donnersmarck concurs with Auden’s desire for individuals to express their political beliefs, representing the importance of action through Dreyman and Wiesler’s responses to their conflicting of will. I like that you are linking your texts as you go! Dreyman’s growing dissatisfaction is depicted in a close-up of his anguished face as he declares ‘I want to change so much’ which, coupled with simplistic low modality language, starkly reminds responders of the necessity of action, in contrast to Auden’s Americans, who embraced the distractions ‘of home’. Slightly retell at the start there, try to just use the technique and limit the explanation of how it works in terms of the characters themselves, you can go your whole speech without them if you choose! Additionally, Wiesler’s disillusionment with societal oppression is revealed in his deliberate ignorance of Dreyman’s actions, emphasised by his non-diagetic voiceover as Dreyman action, which reinforces his role in undermining the authority of the state. The paralleled accounts of Dreyman and Wiesler reinforce the significance of their separate actions, reminding audiences of the necessity of action as a response to the conflict between conformity and freedom under societal oppression.

Therefore, an analysis of Auden and von Donnersmarck’s works reveal the need to respond to societal oppression with political action. Through their exploration of the conflicting interests of conformity and freedom, their perspective on people

You'll smash it birdwing, this is a great speech, my comments are definitely limited (nothing concerning enough to warrant major edits the night before anyway)! For easy extra space in your speech, or to add anything you didn't have room for, there are some bits when you are discussing characters/plot that slip into retell. Focus on the technique and its impact on the audience, that is absolutely all you need!! I spotted a few that you could work on, but apply the same ideas everywhere, every paragraph has some retell information that is much less useful to you than your techniques and effects. EG:

Dreyman’s growing dissatisfaction is depicted in a close-up of his anguished face as he declares ‘I want to change so much’ which, coupled with simplistic low modality language, starkly reminds responders of the necessity of action, in contrast to Auden’s Americans, who embraced the distractions ‘of home’.

Becomes:

The composers' use of close up to accentuate the use of simplistic low modality language, "I want to change so much," contrasts Auden's American audience, starkly reminding responders of the necessity of action.

Or something similar, removing the character reference gives you some breathing room ;D

Besides that, you are set to go my friend! It's a great speech with excellent conceptual drive. I could nitpick it a little bit, but there is nothing huge I can recommend to improve it, be sure to get some rest before tomorrow!! Good luck ;D

birdwing341

  • Trendsetter
  • **
  • Posts: 153
  • School Grad Year: 2016
Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #535 on: August 21, 2016, 11:38:33 pm »
Woohoo!! I'll keep the comments fairly quick and concise so you can act on them quickly ;D

Spoiler
Conflict has proven a regular subject of artistic work, as composers are motivated to represent their perspectives on people and politics through an exploration of competing interests within individuals. W.H. Auden’s poems ‘Unknown Citizen’ and ‘September 1 1939’, both written in 1939, and Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck’s 2007 film ‘The Lives of Others’ represent the conflict between the desire to conform and rebel. Both composers use the structural and literary devices of their medium to emphasise the need for political action in the face of oppression to protect personal freedoms. Nice concise introduction here, good conceptual Thesis, you could delve a bit more into the idea of conflict, exactly what about it will you be exploring/accentuating? Effective start, however ;D

In ‘The Unknown Citizen’, Auden represents the conflict between conformity and freedom by satirising the submission of the eponymous citizen to the will of the state, reflecting on the futility of compliance under societal regimes. Excellent start to the paragraph, well considered and clever. The iambic tetrameter and rhyming couplets of the poem, ‘Yet he wasn’t a scab or odd in his views, for his Union reports that he paid his dues’, create a regular pattern, placing emphasis on the citizen’s ‘views and dues’ to suggest his conformity to society. Who is "his" there? If it is the character, shift the wording there to avoid retell. Auden ironically compares his citizen to the Unknown soldier, symbolic of national service, to suggest the virtue of compliance under societal regimes. Yet the tongue-in-cheek tone of the elegy, whose style suggests intimate understanding of the citizen, insinuates such knowledge is impossible. Instead the rhetorical questions ‘Was he free? Was he happy?’ challenge responders to consider the flawed nature of state control, highlighting the irrationality of conformity. Fabulous analytical style here birdwing, very hard to fault!

‘The Lives of Others’ similarly condemns the intrusion of authority into the realm of personal belief through a representation of conflicting interests of Stasi agent Wiesler and playwright Georg Dreyman in socialist East Germany. Try to keep the starts of each section audience focused, particularly for a speech. Avoid plot retells (however brief), your audience knows it well already. Von Donnersmarck characterises Wiesler through his grey clothing and the drab décor of his house which serve as metonymy for his lack of individuality, much like the conformed ‘views’ of Auden’s citizen. Wiesler is contrasted to Dreyman, whose house is colourful and homely, yet belief in the state is similar – seen in his insistent reply to an accusation he colluded with the Stasi by his moral foil, Paul, ‘I don’t know that’, and further highlighted in the mid-shot of Paul’s subsequent departure. Careful, slipping a bit into retell here, any time you are saying "Character said this" or "This happened to the character", chances are you are relling. Yet von Donnersmarck utilises dramatic irony, contrasting Dreyman’s faith in the state against their clear intrusion into his privacy, established by the repeated switch of focus between both characters. Thus von Donnersmarck condemns the conformity of individuals to such regimes. Nice.

Instead, Auden’s poem ‘September 1 1939’ represents the necessity of political action as a response to the conflict between subservience and subversiveness. Written in response to the outbreak of World War Two, Auden notes that ‘the conventions conspire to make this fort assume the furniture of home’, recognising the allure of state-propagated distraction through the metaphoric likening of a bar to a ‘fort’, yet undermining its credibility through the treacherous connotations of ‘conspire’. Nice contextual link here! Instead Auden utilises repetition of the inclusive pronoun ‘we’, ‘lest we should see where we are, lost in a haunted wood’, to stimulate audience engagement, challenging responders to observe the reality of war in contrast to the symbolic ‘wood’ of isolationism. Awesome. Auden’s understated conclusion ‘may I…[too]…show an affirming flame’ ironically belies his ultimate purpose in inspiring individuals to respond to their own situation with political action to protect their personal freedoms.

Von Donnersmarck concurs with Auden’s desire for individuals to express their political beliefs, representing the importance of action through Dreyman and Wiesler’s responses to their conflicting of will. I like that you are linking your texts as you go! Dreyman’s growing dissatisfaction is depicted in a close-up of his anguished face as he declares ‘I want to change so much’ which, coupled with simplistic low modality language, starkly reminds responders of the necessity of action, in contrast to Auden’s Americans, who embraced the distractions ‘of home’. Slightly retell at the start there, try to just use the technique and limit the explanation of how it works in terms of the characters themselves, you can go your whole speech without them if you choose! Additionally, Wiesler’s disillusionment with societal oppression is revealed in his deliberate ignorance of Dreyman’s actions, emphasised by his non-diagetic voiceover as Dreyman action, which reinforces his role in undermining the authority of the state. The paralleled accounts of Dreyman and Wiesler reinforce the significance of their separate actions, reminding audiences of the necessity of action as a response to the conflict between conformity and freedom under societal oppression.

Therefore, an analysis of Auden and von Donnersmarck’s works reveal the need to respond to societal oppression with political action. Through their exploration of the conflicting interests of conformity and freedom, their perspective on people

You'll smash it birdwing, this is a great speech, my comments are definitely limited (nothing concerning enough to warrant major edits the night before anyway)! For easy extra space in your speech, or to add anything you didn't have room for, there are some bits when you are discussing characters/plot that slip into retell. Focus on the technique and its impact on the audience, that is absolutely all you need!! I spotted a few that you could work on, but apply the same ideas everywhere, every paragraph has some retell information that is much less useful to you than your techniques and effects. EG:

Dreyman’s growing dissatisfaction is depicted in a close-up of his anguished face as he declares ‘I want to change so much’ which, coupled with simplistic low modality language, starkly reminds responders of the necessity of action, in contrast to Auden’s Americans, who embraced the distractions ‘of home’.

Becomes:

The composers' use of close up to accentuate the use of simplistic low modality language, "I want to change so much," contrasts Auden's American audience, starkly reminding responders of the necessity of action.

Or something similar, removing the character reference gives you some breathing room ;D

Besides that, you are set to go my friend! It's a great speech with excellent conceptual drive. I could nitpick it a little bit, but there is nothing huge I can recommend to improve it, be sure to get some rest before tomorrow!! Good luck ;D

Thanks very much (especially for accommodating that last draft) :) Sorry to bother you at this time of night.

Thanks again!

jamonwindeyer

  • Honorary Moderator
  • Great Wonder of ATAR Notes
  • *******
  • Posts: 10149
  • The lurker from the north.
Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #536 on: August 21, 2016, 11:48:44 pm »
Thanks very much (especially for accommodating that last draft) :) Sorry to bother you at this time of night.

Thanks again!

Oh that's no bother at all! Scan back through the thread, I do most marking at night ;) sorry I couldn't get to it sooner! Be sure to let me know how you go, I'd love to help you polish this up into a great Module essay for your HSC, you have a fantastic basis here ;D

Spencerr

  • Forum Regular
  • **
  • Posts: 98
  • Things will turn out better than expected.
Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #537 on: August 24, 2016, 11:21:00 am »
Hey Jamon, I was wondering if you could mark my Mod A essay. I wrote this for the trials and i only scored 17/20. All the other essays you've marked were 19s/20s :) :) I think in this one I toe the line between retell and analysis a bit but I'd like your opinion before I start fixing it for the HSC.

Spoiler
The content and construction of texts are intrinsically linked with the social and historical factors inherent in a composer’s contemporary context. Accordingly, a comparative study of Jane Austen’s social satire Pride and Prejudice (1813)(Pride) and Fay Weldon’s meta-fictional hybrid novel Letters to Alice(1993)(Letters) demonstrates how a transition in context from Austen’s 19th Century Regency England,  to Weldon’s late 20TH Century post-modern world, illuminates the dichotomous nature of societal values and attitudes. As both texts explore notions of autonomy and theories of a moral education, a comparative reappraisal elucidates new insights, enabling connections between texts to creatively enrich textual appreciation.

Austen and Weldon, united  in their repudiation of feminine suppression, radically advocate for individual autonomy against restrictive social constraints. Critical of legal institutions, including the system of entailment which deprived women of financial independence, Austen in Pride, censures her andocentric society for valuing marriage as an economic transaction instead of a romantic ideal. Notably, her characterisation of Charlotte as the archetypal Georgian woman, evident in her cynical decree that, “happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance,” exposes how conformation to societal expectations precludes individual felicity. Charlotte, thus, becomes a foil to Elizabeth Bennet, Austen’s counter cultural heroine who subverts typical notions of femininity.  As despite understanding that matrimony secures financial and social stability, Elizabeth’s emotive rejection of Mr Collins’ proposal, on the grounds that her “feelings in every respect forbid it!”, highlights her deviation from traditional  Regency expectations of women to be sensible and obedient. Unable to exert a similar degree of self-determination, Charlotte marries “the conceited, pompous...silly Mr Collins” for the “disinterested desire of an establishment”, and hyperbolically “sacrifices every better feeling to worldly advantage”, Austen emphasising the dichotomy between self-fulfilment and the gendered limitations of Georgian England. Contrasting Charlotte’s hapless relationship, Elizabeth’s union with Mr Darcy, evoked by her individual aspirations and defiance of social expectations, is characterised as a “connubial felicity,” apparent in Elizabeth’s superlative declaration that she is “the happiest creature in the world”. Thus, Austen advocates for individual autonomy, as necessary in overcoming repressive social expectations and achieving self-actualisation.

Divergently, Weldon in Letters reshapes the universal value of autonomy in accordance with her postmodern context, notably by reflecting upon the reality of contemporary female emancipation.  Weldon’s examination of Alice and Aunt Fay’s capacity to travel, pursue a career and attend university, highlights the greater economic autonomy afforded to women, engendered by the Equal Pay Act (1970) and the second wave feminist movement. Accounting for dissimilar contexts, Weldon’s construction of her fictional niece “Alice”- whose symbolic “black and green hair” is a manifestation of modern individuality-captures the enduring value of autonomy by mirroring Austen’s subversive heroine, Elizabeth.  Whilst Austen subtly challenges established conventions, Weldon explicitly encourages Alice to adopt a non-conformist ideology and metaphorically “swim against the stream of communal ideals”, emphasising the need for self-determination amidst social pressures. Ironically, Aunt Fay seeks to impose her own prescriptive codes upon Alice, employing high modality when truistically asserting that Alice “must know how to read a novel..before..writing one”.  Consequently, the plot device of Alice attaining unorthodox literary success, having “sold more copies..than all of [Aunt Fay’s] novels put together” particularly as she defies Aunt Fay’s instructions,  enables Weldon to emphasise the importance of autonomy for success and in doing so, acts as a foil to Austen’s views of individual fulfilment.   

Furthermore, both Austen and Weldon are connected in their endorsement of a holistic education, propounding moral development via introspection and retrospective reappraisal.  In Pride, Austen, through allusion to Fordyce’s Sermons, criticises traditional modes of education, notably conduct books and the pursuit of superficial “accomplishments”, for their inconsequential impact on moral growth. To this end, Austen satirically characterises Mary, whom, whilst described as “the most accomplished girl in the neighbourhood” for her study of “great books”, is ironically incapable of social sensibility, evident as she “wished to say something sensible, but knew not how.”  Didactically asserting that “we all love to instruct, though we can teach only what is not worth knowing”, Austen, thus, conveys the notion that a valuable moral education is only attainable through individualistic introspection as opposed to external sources, reflecting Regency philosopher John Locke’s theory of epistemological development that “knowledge is a matter of reflection on experience”. Exemplifying such, Elizabeth’s introspective perusal of Darcy’s letter, illustrated by self-contemplative language as she “read and reread with the greatest attention”, facilitates a newfound understanding, conveyed by asyndeton, “that she had been blind, partial, prejudiced, absurd”.  Contrasting with Mary’s stagnant moral growth borne from a defective education, as circumscribed by societal expectations to be “accomplished”, Elizabeth’s epiphany “till this moment, I never knew myself!”, results in augmented self-knowledge as she ultimately identifies her moral shortcomings.  Austen’s bildungsroman Pride thus champions introspection for improving an individual’s moral capacity, emphasising the necessity of individual autonomy for moral growth, a notion reshaped by Weldon in letters.

Whilst Austen advocates for introspection, Weldon in Letters depicts literature as a medium for moral development, celebrating its capacity to evoke empathy. Within her 1980’s context, Weldon descries the declining value of literature due to technological proliferation, typified by a modern obsession with “the tinny televisual representation of reality”. In censuring Alice, a representative of modern society, for being “too unread, too little practised in empathy”, Weldon emphasises, through an anaphora, how literary deprivation inhibits moral growth and thus, consolidates Darcy’s sentiment that reading “adds something more substantial in the improvement of [the] mind”.  Through the extended metaphor of the “City of Invention”, Weldon captures the inherent value of literature to transcend contextual limitations, imparting readers with a diachronic understanding of “new” and “old” ways. Weldon thus asserts that literature figuratively “stretches our sensibilities and our understandings”, enabling readers to empathise through vicarious experiences, this tenet of moral development is exemplified by Weldon’s reappraisal of Charlotte’s entry into marriage. Re-contextualising Austen’s canonical novel Pride, Weldon employs statistical data where “only thirty percent married...so to marry was a great prize” to elicit pathos from the reader and thus, retrospectively vindicate Charlotte’s decision to marry Mr Collins. For its incapacity to evoke such moral and empathetic responses, Austen satirises postmodern academic institutions through her parody of essay prompts “People are getting nastier, society nicer: Discuss”, reminiscent of Austen’s reproach on morally ineffectual educations. Thus, Weldon reshapes moral development to her contemporary context, championing the literary canon as a method of self-growth in contrast to Austen’s valuing of introspection.

Ultimately, by considering Pride and Letters in contiguity, it becomes apparent that Austen’s 19th Century values of autonomy and theories of moral development are creatively reshaped by Weldon to accommodate a transition in context to the 20th Century. Thus, a comparative study of Pride and Letters, by accentuating authorial and contextual disparities, engenders deeper insights into parallel thematic concerns, enabling readers to gain a more profound understanding and appreciation of both texts.
1st in HSC Eco 2016

fredysabu10

  • Fresh Poster
  • *
  • Posts: 1
  • School: JTCHS
  • School Grad Year: 2016
Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #538 on: August 25, 2016, 08:04:00 pm »
Hey, can you please give me feedback on this Module A essay...PLEASE!!!

ssarahj

  • ATAR Notes NSW MVP - 2016
  • Forum Obsessive
  • ***
  • Posts: 288
  • seek the full depth and height of life.
Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #539 on: August 25, 2016, 10:43:32 pm »
Hey, can you please give me feedback on this Module A essay...PLEASE!!!

Hey fredysabu10, welcome to the forums! We would love to give you feedback on your essay however there's an ATAR Notes policy that requires 15 posts per essay marked. So hang around the forums and let us know when you've reach that 15 post mark  :) You may even like to start with your first post here: Make Your First Post!   8)
HSC 2016: SOR 2, Adv. English, Ext. 1 English, Chemistry, 2U Maths, Hospitality
6th in NSW for SOR 2

ATAR: 97.00

2017: B Nutrition & Dietetics @ University of Newcastle