English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)

[lha]

Hi everyone!

So with the lectures just gone we are a tad behind on our marking (the three markers did about 20 lectures between us)!! We aim to get caught up as soon as possible, so thank you to everyone for your patience!

Based on my checks; the following users have met post count and will have their essay marked ASAP:

- pels
- zachary99
- lozil
- fizzy.123

The following users have not met post count:

- Iha (you have just enough for one more essay marked, but you've posted two, and this one was second. Get to 85!)

Everyone else in this thread (I think) has either been marked or knows that they need more posts to get marked. If you think I've missed your essay, let me know!! Otherwise, we'll get you caught up ASAP!

As a further message, your HSC English Exam is one week away! We anticipate our marking boards are going to get very busy, especially this one, and so if you want to guarantee that your essay gets marked by the time your exam is done, you need to get it up sooner rather than later. We'll do our best to move through as quickly as we can, but we can only do so much. Act early to avoid disappointment!!

I should have enough for two. The last time i had an essay marked i was on 35 posts, i gained more than 30 more posts since then so i should be able to get 2 marked.

[Essej]

Hey Jamon/Mods!

Hoping to get this module A essay marked - originally this was an essay structured with 2 poems and 2 separate paragraphs on W;t but i've gone for an integrated approach with 3 main ideas as requested by my teacher, hoping for some feedback on it

I understand you guys probably didn't do these texts but any feedback is helpful, i've tried to separate my theses as best i can but am still not feeling abundantly confident.

Good luck with all your marking guys, and thanks once again 

Spoiler

Analyse how the central values portrayed in Donne’s poetry are creatively reshaped in W;t.

Perennial notions pertaining to personal fulfilment through spiritual or emotional connections are ideals which allow texts to transcend contextual barriers. In John Donne’s 17th Century metaphysical poetry, the composer explores timeless concerns of salvation from a subversive religious standpoint. Donne argues that through humanistic experiences and spiritual rationalisation, one may transcend the physical dimension and achieve a state of introspective resolution. Margaret Edson's postmodern play W;t (1995) inventively remodels these timeless human concerns to reflect a secular milieu wherein academic obsession adversely impacts upon one’s capacity to confront mortality. It is posed by Edson that in such a paradigm, suffering and meaningful emotional connections are paramount to service the individual passion for ascension present across both secular and religious contexts.

The ability of academia to provide existential relief, evidenced by Donne’s subversion of religious authority, is challenged by Edson in a secular paradigm wherein scholarly obsession prevents human connection and fulfilment. In W;t, the academic elitist Vivian Bearing is satirically depicted by Edson in a sterile clinical setting to epitomise the inability of research to offer insight into death and the hereafter. The perennial anxiety surrounding death and salvation is present through the medical industry’s search for a ‘cure for cancer’, driving them to conduct research on individuals such as the scholarly ovarian cancer patient. Edson poses a commentary upon the status-driven nature of  knowledge in such a secular paradigm wherein Vivian explains in an arrogant tone “After twenty years, I can say with confidence, no one is quite as good as I”. However, by enamouring herself with knowledge, the protagonist is left ill-equipped to face her own mortality. Edson’s incorporation of ellipsis within Vivian’s existential questioning “I’m in a… quandary, having these...doubts” reveals her remorse at her academic obsession whilst also serving as a condemnation of the apathetic medical industry. Adversely, within Donne’s sonnet “Death be Not Proud” the poet utilises religious research gained as a priest of St. Paul’s Cathedral to successfully challenge the contextual authority of death. Donne’s demeaning employment of metaphysical conceit in “One short sleepe past, wee wake eternally” employs the discernment of biblical teachings prevalent in his Counter-Reformation context to argue that death is merely a passage to the afterlife and thus should not be feared. Clearly, diverging contexts reveal different interpretations of the capacity of knowledge to offer one existential relief.

Universally applicable to both texts is the significance of human relationships in providing enrichment to individuals and thereby in facilitating an effective confrontation of one’s mortality. Donne’s romantic monologue “A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning” explores the ability of sacrosanct platonic relationships to allow one to transcend physical and contextual boundaries. The central compass conceit in which “The fix’d foot” of his lover is eternally linked to himself “As stiff twin compasses are two” incorporates a circular motif to reference the prevalent Renaissance symbol of perfect unity. Through this, the poet poses a commentary upon the ability of emotional connection to surpass the barrier of death; as evidenced by the euphemistic simile “as virtuous men pass mildly away”. It is here that Donne manifests religious values pertaining to eternal life to argue the necessity of human connection in the individual experience of a complete life. In contrast to the empathetic approach evident in Donne’s poetry, Edson presents an emotionless academic perspective on the anxious search for salvation in a secular paradigm. The composer’s inclusion of alienating devices such as the breaking down of the fourth wall in “It is not my intention to give away the plot, but I think i die at the end” evoke a sense of detachment within the audience as Vivian metaphorically likens herself to a “specimen jar”. This references the dehumanised nature of contemporary institutionalisation wherein the harsh nature of medical treatment and the absence of ‘bedside manner’, which is likened to a ‘colossal waste of time’ by Jason, prevents comfort in the face of death. Edson’s direct intertextual reference to the poem wherein Vivian in a pedantic tone elucidates “A breach, but an ex-pan-see-on” furthers the satire of apathetic contemporary academia through a dismissal of Donne’s theme of enduring love. Further, it serves as a turning point wherein Bearing epiphanically accepts that “Now is not the time for verbal swordplay” as she instead longs for the humanistic experiences of Donne. Thus, it is reinforced that a lack of emotional connection inhibits the achievement of contentment in the face of mortality.

The spiritual pilgrimage to service one’s passion for redemption is furthered by reconciliation facilitated by religious milieus, however requires suffering and humanistic experiences in a secular paradigm. Vivian’s shifting psyche whereby she discovers the need for emotional connection to attain liberation in a contemporary context is hindered by her concern with self-effacement and dignity in death. Thus, Edson employs a satirical intertextual reference to Donne’s sonnet “My Play’s Last Scene” in “my pilgrimages last mile...I have broken the record...but I flatter myself…” as the protagonist seeks repentance, illustrating her ineptitude in reaching personal fulfilment due to a lack of human connection. Akin to this, Donne’s poem explores the religious search for reconciliation to achieve salvation through pleading with God for forgiveness in death pursuant to his religious context. The poet’s abandonment of earlier love poetry owing to his spiritual crisis wherein he transitions from Catholicism to Anglicanism is exemplified in Donne’s fearful personification “gluttonous death will instantly unjoin my body and soul”. The implicated notion that reflection upon one’s spiritual journey is essential in achieving salvation is furthered by the persona’s fear of unworthiness to ascend to heaven in the volta break “As my soul to heaven...takes flight” where an acknowledgement of death’s inevitability with the spiritual comfort of immortality orchestrates the persona’s release from sin. Edson skilfully adapts such notions in a secular milieu through posing that “infernal tests” are necessary in achieving salvation due to a lack of perceived emotional connection; with the playwright incorporating black humour in the protagonists reflection “It would be a relief to be a cheerleader”. Vivian’s anagnorisis of her academic obsession is aided by Susie through the symbolism of the popsicle whereby the protagonist undergoes shared emotional experiences, which ultimately allow her to shed the academia of Donne’s metaphysical poetry for the emotion of Shakespeare; as evidenced by the intertextual reference “And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest”. Thus, the final scene of the play elucidates how experiences of humanist spirituality allow for liberation in a secular paradigm through a religious allusion in the stage directions “The instant she is naked and beautiful, reaching for the light - Lights out”. It is evident that through humanist spirituality and experiences of suffering, Edson adapts the religious values of Donne’s Renaissance poetry to suit a secular milieu.

In summary, the importance of emotional connection in allowing individuals the capacity to achieve salvation and comfort in death is one immortalised across both the Counter-Reformation context of Donne and the postmodern secular milieu of Margaret Edson’s “W;t”. Whereas in Donne’s poetry however, religious research and subversion of contextual authorities served as a form of liberation, Edson poses that a lack of spiritual and emotional connection through academic obsession inhibits personal fulfilment. Ultimately, Edson reshapes ideals surrounding reconciliation as a catalyst for redemption through the notion that humanist spirituality and suffering are essential components in reaching ascension.

[jamonwindeyer]

I should have enough for two. The last time i had an essay marked i was on 35 posts, i gained more than 30 more posts since then so i should be able to get 2 marked.

Ahh right you are, sorry! I accidentally counted one of the essays you posted but deleted before it received feedback, you are on the list!

[lha]

Ahh right you are, sorry! I accidentally counted one of the essays you posted but deleted before it received feedback, you are on the list!

Ahaha thats okay! Thank you!

[marynguyen18]

Hey Elyse thank you so much for marking my essay ill definitely work more on my formality and use of embedding quotes. Thank you for taking the time to mark my Mod A, also i was just wondering when I can post another essay?

[jamonwindeyer]

Hey Elyse thank you so much for marking my essay ill definitely work more on my formality and use of embedding quotes. Thank you for taking the time to mark my Mod A, also i was just wondering when I can post another essay?

Edit: Hey Mary! My math (and a nifty spreadsheet ) says you need to hit 40 posts for your next bit of feedback, which you've done, so you can post another one whenever you like!

[jamonwindeyer]

Heyo,
Here is a Module C essay I wrote on Auden's poetry, if someone could kindly mark this for me. Thank you

Howdy Pels! Not a worry, your essay is in the spoiler below with comments in bold!

Spoiler

Question - How do composers construct texts that reveal both the reasons for and impact of people's particular political motivations?
In your response make reference to TWO of Auden's poems.
Two chosen poems: 'Spain', 'O What Is That Sound?'

Throughout history, there have been many events that have occurred that have allowed for mankind to attain certain beliefs and perspectives in relation to politics and therefore political motivations, upon further reflection of the past. Could you give me some examples/details about what these perspectives might be? Essential to link properly to the question. Poets such as the witty English poet W.H. Auden born in York in 1907 were inspired to write pieces which criticised/commented on the reasons for and the impact of people's political motivations, through their own unique representation of key historical events or figures throughout the ages. I'm looking for a little more beef in this introduction; mainly this should come from going into the idea of 'political motivations' - What plays a role? Greed? Manipulation? Explore these sorts of things, introductions should be a solid 4-5 sentences in length

As a result of his political sympathies, Auden believed that for his work to be considered valid he must experience the cruelty of war firsthand, and thus was inspired to go to Spain in 1937 at the time of the Civil War. “I am not one of those who believe that poetry need or even should be directly political. But in a critical period such as ours, I do believe that the poet must have direct knowledge of the major political events.” Be sure to identify that you are quoting Auden here, the quote works well regardless. This reveals that Auden believed that his political motivations were only strengthened and valid if he experienced firsthand the political events of the war. As a result,  Auden's most renowned texts which include 'O What Is That Sound?' as well as 'Spain', have indefinitely influenced and revealed both the reasons for and impact of his  particular political motivations. This feels like information that could be summarised in a sentence or two and mixed into your introduction! Try to get straight into the analysis of how the idea of political motivation is constructed in your texts (through techniques).

A text that has distinctly revealed both the reasons for and impact of people's particular political motivations is Auden's poem titled 'Spain'. What are these impacts and reasons? Through this poem, Auden is commenting on the past, present and future endeavours of Spain, and the immediacy of the suffering and restrictions imposed by the Civil War. In doing so, Auden directs this poem to the general public of Europe during the late 1930's.  Good links to audience.

The poem emphasises the pain and struggle that is to come but the amending and joy of 'tomorrow'. War and death are presented in the poem through the vast geography and use of imagery, "and the nations combine each cry". Be specific - Exactly what does Auden want to show us about war and death? This reveals Auden's political motivations, as he wanted for the young left-wing Pro-Marxist English writers to show their support for the Spanish Republicans fighting in the Civil War, which is exacerbated through the use of the words "intervene" and "descend", highlighting a true need for support against the villainous Nationalists.  I don't quite buy that link between the imagery and the political motivations of Auden, I think you might need to approach that a little bit differently.

The poem is written with three main tones. A nostalgic tone as seen through 'yesterday' (the past), a lamenting tone for today (the present), and a hopeful tone (for the future), although the overall tone is wistful, emphasised through final statement "May say Alas but cannot help nor pardon." Auden's use of this tone is indicative of the cruelty imposed on Spain by the right-wing Nationalists led by Franco, and by implementing this tone in the poem it reveals Auden's political motivations against the right-wing Nationalists. Try to trim the unnecessary detail; you could get all of this done in one sentence (see below).

Auden's use of descriptive language, through the manipulation of both positive and negative imagery, are used to create overpowering images in the readers mind. Good. The vast imagery through the "motionless eagle eyeing the valley", and "tomorrow the bicycle races", juxtapose heavily to the notion of "to-day the struggle". Great! What does this achieve though? What does the audience realise as a result of this juxtaposition? What does it show us about political motivations?The personification used in stanza 14, "Yes, I am Spain" makes it evident that  the Nationalist forces are an obstacle for Spain, restricting its freedom as well as its inhabitants freedom and normal way of life, and thus influencing the reader to take a side on the issue of war. Again, what is the link to the question?

Symbolism is also manipulated by Auden in 'Spain' in stanza 18. "To the medicine ad, and the brochure of winter cruises have become invading battalions", is symbolic of the extreme changes that Spain had faced due to the conflict of war, and reveals a true juxtaposition between a once desired location, now changed into a battlefield. Be careful not to focus completely on the context of the work; you need to be looking at what it says about the theme generally too. If it was only relevant to Spain; what would the audience gain? In addition to this, Auden reveals that the right-wing Spanish Nationalists under the rule of General Franco, had superimposed their fascist beliefs upon the people of Spain, which Auden comments on through the quote "Corrupt heart of the city.", reinforcing the huge divide between the rich Nationalist landowners and businessmen) versus the Republicans being agricultural labourers and middle-class workers). What quote is this? Try to never give a quote without a technique.

All in all, Auden's poem 'Spain' was evidently created on the basis of his political motivations against the Nationalist Spanish regimes, and is a direct call to political action and support for the  Republicans, as it reflects an great sense of the people involved in this tragic political war and the personification of Spain as a living entity itself. This would work as a great conclusion if you blended everything above into a single paragraph! And this next sentence would start you off for your next paragraph... Similarly, Auden's  poem titled 'O What Is That Sound?'  is reflective of the impending doom and generally the universality and everlasting tragedy of war, as well as the general impact that fascist regimes such as those of Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini during the 1940's had on such Western cultures. Read this sentence and then the question; are you still answering the question at this point?

The tone of the poem is achieved instantly through the title 'O What Is That Sound?', which creates a sense of ambiguity for the reader, in the sense that it is uncertain what sound Auden is referring to in the title. Good links to audience, it is also a rhetorical question! Through the title, an eerie mood is imposed instantly, reinstating the sense of impending doom.

'O What Is That Sound?' is structured in the ABAB rhyme scheme, which is in correspondence with the two voices heard throughout the poem, assumed to be one male and one female.  This is a statement of fact/interpretation of the poem. It doesn't link to any concept and doesn't give any new interpretations; and thus is irrelevant. Auden establishes a strong relationship between the two voices, which makes the poem seem much more personal, putting it in the much larger political picture of war, whilst also creating sympathy through descriptive words such as 'wounded'. How is this relationship established? Therefore, Auden's political motivations are reinforced through the way he portrays the effects that war has on people, and its everlasting universality. Again, good ideas, but expressing them more succinctly would allow you to develop a better structure!

Additionally, through the use of images such as that of the 'scarlet soldiers' and the 'cunning farmer', Auden presents a variety of images of war that are ambiguous in relation to the time period they are set in, which emphasises the negativity of war throughout the ages. Ideally, Auden's political motivations are seen as he cleverly paints the war as a lost cause and  a dark and disturbing time in history. This is better! Good good.

The confusion of the female voice is exacerbated through her constant asking of questions - stanza 2 - "Over the distance brightly, brightly?", as well as "O what is that light I see flashing so clear." Try to use the proper term of rhetorical question! Through the use of these literary techniques,  Auden is able to portray a life of impending demise and the everlasting effects of war. By portraying the woman as scared, requiring reassurance from her partner, Auden could be  commenting on the panic and distress brought upon the world due to the political parties during that period in history, particularly Hitler's Nazi Party and Mussolini's Italian army. Be high modality! Don't say "could be," be confident in your own ideas!

Auden's political motivations  are represented in the final stanza of the poem through the stark imagery and symbolism. "Their feet are heavy on the floor, And their eyes are burning", contrasts to the previous stanzas in which the conversation between the two voices is quite stable and then builds up to a climax, lurking closer to disaster. The imagery of the burning eyes reinforces the hate and lust for power that fuels the soldiers marching ahead. Auden represents this overpowering notion in such a distinctive way which connects with the reader effectively, creating sympathy and affinity for the characters in Auden's poem. Again, re-read the question at the latter stages of your essay - Still answering?

This essay has some great idea Pels! And definitely some great knowledge of text and incredible contextual detail, so great stuff there! I'd have two main recommendations.

The first would be ensuring you answer the question properly. This question and module demands that you explore how the composer uses techniques to portray the theme of political motivations in the text. However, you need to explore this theme generally: How does the composer say things about the theme that are relevant to the audience? Right now, your essay explores the effects of techniques in the text (not necessarily linked to the theme of political motivation), and links them to Auden's political motivations. While elements of this are really great, it isn't quite what is required here.

You need to develop the theme of political motivation more effectively. There are several ways you can do this. Some more detail in your Thesis will do wonders, and beyond that, just more explicitly asking yourself; What does this technique do to teach the audience something about political motivations. Techniques representing meaning are the focus of this module

The other suggestion I have is on structure; try to shift away from these smaller paragraphs. It tends to act as a barrier to a good expression of ideas, since you have so much stopping and starting. At least, in my opinion, you should try a more typical structure. Get everything into (potentially) two paragraphs, one on each text. To do this you'll need to do some trimming...

So here is one of the paragraphs:
The poem is written with three main tones. A nostalgic tone as seen through 'yesterday' (the past), a lamenting tone for today (the present), and a hopeful tone (for the future), although the overall tone is wistful, emphasised through final statement "May say Alas but cannot help nor pardon." Auden's use of this tone is indicative of the cruelty imposed on Spain by the right-wing Nationalists led by Franco, and by implementing this tone in the poem it reveals Auden's political motivations against the right-wing Nationalists.

And here is how I would communicate that information (removing the quote because I'm not sure how I would personally use it here):

The juxtaposition of a variety of lamenting, nostalgic and wistful tones develops our understanding of the Spanish political context, as we come to empathise with Auden's motivations.

Don't know the texts, so take me at face value, but the idea here is being succinct. The focus should be analysis! You don't have to describe how the techniques are used, just tell me what they are and what they show us!

In terms of conclusions, I'm of the belief they should do the following:

- Restate your Thesis
- Relist the arguments you've made
- Restate your final position, the big conclusion you've come to from your essay!

Notice there is nothing new; conclusions should give no new info! If your essay is the gift, the conclusion is the wrapping paper bringing it all together

So in summary; great contextual and textual knowledge. I need some clearer conceptual development to properly answer the question, and less unnecessary detail to allow you to improve your structure. Great work Pels!! Definitely the makings of a really powerful essay here, just some changes to polish it up

[jamonwindeyer]

Hey this is my mod c essay. Could i please have it critically marked and also a mark out of 20 that you think i will get (with your knowledge of the syllabus and marking criteria)? Also, I want to get it down to 1000-1100 words so I have strikedthrough some stuff, could you please let me know if i can get rid of that stuff or if its too valuable to delete, and also if there are any other suggestions as to what else i can cut down, they will be greatly appreciated! Thank you!

Hey lha! Sure thing, your essay is attached with comments in bold

Spoiler

At the core of universal society are political perspectives, and the recognition that the most telling representations of significant political situations in that society are often provided in its texts. Ohh very nice, "History is written by the victors" style stuff, cool! Barry Levinson and Pablo Picasso have formulated their own acknowledgement of this interrelationship within Wag the Dog (1997) and “Guernica” (1937), respectively; texts which utilise their own real world context as a tool to render their points palatable to an unfamiliar audience. Great. Their representation focuses on their own perspectives of the presence of corruption and manipulation at the foundation of political systems; that an individual’s reliance on political idols stimulates their trust for a deceitful organisation while constituting a degree of vulnerability to gullibility. Fantastic introduction of concepts here. Levinson and Picasso’s representation of real life political events occurring in their contexts therefore offer new understandings of the manipulative influence that a corrupt political system has on the broader world. Near perfect introduction, not much I can say at all, great work!

Levinson’s characterisation of the corruption at the core of politics is expressed most clearly through the consequences he suggests this has on the broader world; Wag The Dog essentially forming an allegory of the effect political power structures can have on a society when left unchecked. You can definitely remove that if you like Levinson’s primary expression of the corruptive behaviour of politically dominant authority is the satirical nature of his representation of a fictional political scandal. Satire, as shown through the dialogue of Tracy, “what would they do if I did tell someone?” and Brean’s response, “come to your house and kill you”, is relied upon by Levinson as a textual form to mirror the political perspectives of the text to the audience’s understanding of their own world. Any particular things in the audiences context that this could play to? Effective analysis! Furthermore, Levinson’s cynical political perspective is affirmed in Brean’s condescending tone as he addresses his colleagues as “you kids”; an expression to the film’s audience of not only his valuable positioning in the political party, but Levinson’s own perspective of a common cause of corruption within it. Therefore, Levinson’s representation of Brean as a surreptitious power broker is ultimately an analogy for his wider political perspective; that within his filmic version of politics, itself a reflection of his own society, corruptive behaviour is rife. An effective paragraph! I'd like to see you develop the idea of 'corruption' a little more strongly, it doesn't come across as strongly as it could. That said, fantastic analytical style

Levinson’s critique of politics expands beyond the corruption within it to the ability of politicians to utilise this corruption to their own ends; the manipulative power of politics being asserted by means of the representation of a political party’s ability to retaliate against defamatory political situations. A fantastic 'build' from your earlier arguments, a clever tough to tie things together! A primary example of these situations is the close-up shot of the actors’ eyes in the film’s political advertisement campaign, coexisting with the repetitive, metaphorical statement to “not change horses midstream”; a representation of the persuasion of the internal audience to the viewers. What is the effect of this? What do we learn about corruption from this? Furthermore, Brean’s hyperbolic tone within, “what have they done for us?” allows the viewers to observe the manipulation of Motss to agree with him on his decision to stage a war; fluently presenting to the audience Levinson’s belief of the subtle tactics used by “spin doctors” to profoundly manipulate the public. Good, but be very careful here (and it happened above also), never give credit for a technique to a character. It MUST go to a composer! The characters are just puppets. In conjunction, the omnipotent perspective of the manipulation observed is conveyed to the external audience through Brean’s foreshadowing dialogue that “we’re not gonna have a war, we’re gonna have the appearance of a war”. Again, what do we learn from this? Thus, Levinson’s articulation of his perspective of the manipulation used by political cadre is used in this response to a political situation to offer new understandings of the individuals in the film and to present politics to the audience in a manner allowing a higher receptiveness to his satire. Another fantastic paragraph with the same comment as above; just a little more detail in some areas to make it shine. Particularly here, some more explicit audience links would be welcome.

Picasso uses “Guernica” to frame political manipulation in a manner more appropriate to his own context; his representation of his own political perspective of the Spanish War intended to expose the corruption at the core of it. His explicitness in detail within the light-toned beheaded human reaching with his hand at the bottom of the painting, in conjunction with the salient horse, silently wailing in the middle, has further emphasized Picasso’s perspective of the aftermath of manipulation into partaking in such political events. How does the horse further this idea? Not quite obvious to me right now. Furthermore, the pain-filled facial expressions along with the sorrowful gaze of the bull’s eyes, have been utilised by Picasso to create sympathy amongst the audience for the people in war, consequentially, “manipulating” the viewers into changing their perspective of political conflict. I need a concluding sentence here - Yes, you do! it seems most of your ideas here are on imagery, perhaps tie the visual representation of ideas to their impact on the audience, or something? I'll also note at this point that there is a definite imbalance between your Prescribed and ORT.

The representation of manipulation in Levinson’s text is not one-dimensional however, his illumination of the gullibility of the public attributing to them a portion of the blame for the corruption of politics. Again, super clever. Levinson‘s satirical portrayal of the internal public to the external audience in an unintelligent and deceivable light, as shown through Motss‘ rhetorical dialogue, “what does it matter if it’s true?“, positions the audience to understand the reality of their broader world. In addition, the significance of the dimly lit scene in which Motts and Brean are seen throwing shoes into a tree, is reaffirmed by Motss‘ high modality dialogue where he foreshadows that they are making “history Connie!“. Definitely worthy of removal. In addition, the following scene consisting of a montage of panning shots, with a single pair of shoes combining with a focused shot of many others, is used as a microcosm to represent to the audience the abundance of citizens that politics has deluded. Removal is fine; be sure to limit scene description to a bare minimum and focus on the represented themes! In addition Furthermore, a satirical, non-diegetic score, repeating the words “old shoe”, portrays the ease and progression of naivety amongst the gullible public to the viewers. Removal is good. Moreover, the girl hired to unknowingly impersonate an Albanian amidst an Albanian war exclaims that she “can’t wait to put this on [her] resume!“. This is a bit too much retell reliant here. Her callowness is used by Levinson as a satirical means to subject the audience to his perspective of a dupable world to political schemes; his ultimate intention being to assert the reality of what he deemed to be a corrupt and broken political system. Ensure you have a concluding sentence here too!

Picasso is aligned with Levinson in the depiction of a dupable world; his perspective of the politics of his own time framing a similar picture of the gullibility of its people. Good intertextual link. His depiction of the individuals in white colour, representing their purity and innocence, reflects the external public’s gullibility through the relatable event. Fabulous. Picasso’s conveyance of the pain is shown through dark green, grey and black tones throughout the painting to create a melancholic mood, effectively creating a new perspective amongst the gullible audience. What perspective is this? Likewise, the mother’s body language symbolising her sad emotions as she cradles her deceased child, is composed by Picasso in the ground layer of the painting to present the deceit by political figures on their people and the shock of the reality of their actions. Similarly to Levinson, Picasso has effectively portrayed the tactics used by politics to manipulate a gullible public, and as a result, the shocking reality we face once we realise the truth. Good paragraph, but the evidence here simply doesn't match the powerful things you've done with the Prescribed Text.

In summation, Wag the Dog and “Guernica”, are eloquent of the corruption within politics due to the manipulation by politicians and the gullible nature of their submissive public. Levinson and Picasso’s perspectives towards these issues have been communicated through the use of textual devices specific to their mediums to; offering new understandings of individuals and politics to the external audience. The idea of different forms/mediums is something I'd like to see you explicitly explore a little more in the essay. Thus, through the representation of Levinson and Picasso’s political perspectives, new understandings have been offered to an external audience.I would keep this last sentence, and make it more theme specific also.

This is an absolutely killer essay lha! I'm glad you corrected my count; it was a pleasure to read very clever concepts, excellent analysis, fantastic structure, and superb expression. Really, really well done!!

My comments throughout cover most of my recommendations; little bits of extra detail here, avoiding a bit of retell there, etc etc. The one over-arching comment I'd make is on the balance between your Prescribed and ORT. Right now you have 3 vs 2 paragraphs, but the two ORT paragraphs are also the shortest, so you are at about a 75-25 split. This is too far swung towards Prescribed, in my opinion.

Put simply, you have absolutely blown your Prescribed out of the water. Bloody brilliant. But your ORT can't hope to compare, and that isn't a good thing for the marker, because the strength and sophistication of your argument suffers.

There are a few things you could try. The simplest would just be beefing up the ORT paragraphs. You could also explore integrating your essay (this could also let you compare the use of techniques across mediums, something you touched on in the conclusion that I'd like to see more of). Or, and I don't strictly think this is necessary, you could change your ORT. I don't recommend that here though, but it is an option. This late in the game, I reckon just beefing up your ORT paragraphs with an extra sentence or two should fix you

A fantastic essay lha, absolutely wonderful work!

[lha]

Hey lha! Sure thing, your essay is attached with comments in bold

Spoiler

At the core of universal society are political perspectives, and the recognition that the most telling representations of significant political situations in that society are often provided in its texts. Ohh very nice, "History is written by the victors" style stuff, cool! Barry Levinson and Pablo Picasso have formulated their own acknowledgement of this interrelationship within Wag the Dog (1997) and “Guernica” (1937), respectively; texts which utilise their own real world context as a tool to render their points palatable to an unfamiliar audience. Great. Their representation focuses on their own perspectives of the presence of corruption and manipulation at the foundation of political systems; that an individual’s reliance on political idols stimulates their trust for a deceitful organisation while constituting a degree of vulnerability to gullibility. Fantastic introduction of concepts here. Levinson and Picasso’s representation of real life political events occurring in their contexts therefore offer new understandings of the manipulative influence that a corrupt political system has on the broader world. Near perfect introduction, not much I can say at all, great work!

Levinson’s characterisation of the corruption at the core of politics is expressed most clearly through the consequences he suggests this has on the broader world; Wag The Dog essentially forming an allegory of the effect political power structures can have on a society when left unchecked. You can definitely remove that if you like Levinson’s primary expression of the corruptive behaviour of politically dominant authority is the satirical nature of his representation of a fictional political scandal. Satire, as shown through the dialogue of Tracy, “what would they do if I did tell someone?” and Brean’s response, “come to your house and kill you”, is relied upon by Levinson as a textual form to mirror the political perspectives of the text to the audience’s understanding of their own world. Any particular things in the audiences context that this could play to? Effective analysis! Furthermore, Levinson’s cynical political perspective is affirmed in Brean’s condescending tone as he addresses his colleagues as “you kids”; an expression to the film’s audience of not only his valuable positioning in the political party, but Levinson’s own perspective of a common cause of corruption within it. Therefore, Levinson’s representation of Brean as a surreptitious power broker is ultimately an analogy for his wider political perspective; that within his filmic version of politics, itself a reflection of his own society, corruptive behaviour is rife. An effective paragraph! I'd like to see you develop the idea of 'corruption' a little more strongly, it doesn't come across as strongly as it could. That said, fantastic analytical style

Levinson’s critique of politics expands beyond the corruption within it to the ability of politicians to utilise this corruption to their own ends; the manipulative power of politics being asserted by means of the representation of a political party’s ability to retaliate against defamatory political situations. A fantastic 'build' from your earlier arguments, a clever tough to tie things together! A primary example of these situations is the close-up shot of the actors’ eyes in the film’s political advertisement campaign, coexisting with the repetitive, metaphorical statement to “not change horses midstream”; a representation of the persuasion of the internal audience to the viewers. What is the effect of this? What do we learn about corruption from this? Furthermore, Brean’s hyperbolic tone within, “what have they done for us?” allows the viewers to observe the manipulation of Motss to agree with him on his decision to stage a war; fluently presenting to the audience Levinson’s belief of the subtle tactics used by “spin doctors” to profoundly manipulate the public. Good, but be very careful here (and it happened above also), never give credit for a technique to a character. It MUST go to a composer! The characters are just puppets. In conjunction, the omnipotent perspective of the manipulation observed is conveyed to the external audience through Brean’s foreshadowing dialogue that “we’re not gonna have a war, we’re gonna have the appearance of a war”. Again, what do we learn from this? Thus, Levinson’s articulation of his perspective of the manipulation used by political cadre is used in this response to a political situation to offer new understandings of the individuals in the film and to present politics to the audience in a manner allowing a higher receptiveness to his satire. Another fantastic paragraph with the same comment as above; just a little more detail in some areas to make it shine. Particularly here, some more explicit audience links would be welcome.

Picasso uses “Guernica” to frame political manipulation in a manner more appropriate to his own context; his representation of his own political perspective of the Spanish War intended to expose the corruption at the core of it. His explicitness in detail within the light-toned beheaded human reaching with his hand at the bottom of the painting, in conjunction with the salient horse, silently wailing in the middle, has further emphasized Picasso’s perspective of the aftermath of manipulation into partaking in such political events. How does the horse further this idea? Not quite obvious to me right now. Furthermore, the pain-filled facial expressions along with the sorrowful gaze of the bull’s eyes, have been utilised by Picasso to create sympathy amongst the audience for the people in war, consequentially, “manipulating” the viewers into changing their perspective of political conflict. I need a concluding sentence here - Yes, you do! it seems most of your ideas here are on imagery, perhaps tie the visual representation of ideas to their impact on the audience, or something? I'll also note at this point that there is a definite imbalance between your Prescribed and ORT.

The representation of manipulation in Levinson’s text is not one-dimensional however, his illumination of the gullibility of the public attributing to them a portion of the blame for the corruption of politics. Again, super clever. Levinson‘s satirical portrayal of the internal public to the external audience in an unintelligent and deceivable light, as shown through Motss‘ rhetorical dialogue, “what does it matter if it’s true?“, positions the audience to understand the reality of their broader world. In addition, the significance of the dimly lit scene in which Motts and Brean are seen throwing shoes into a tree, is reaffirmed by Motss‘ high modality dialogue where he foreshadows that they are making “history Connie!“. Definitely worthy of removal. In addition, the following scene consisting of a montage of panning shots, with a single pair of shoes combining with a focused shot of many others, is used as a microcosm to represent to the audience the abundance of citizens that politics has deluded. Removal is fine; be sure to limit scene description to a bare minimum and focus on the represented themes! In addition Furthermore, a satirical, non-diegetic score, repeating the words “old shoe”, portrays the ease and progression of naivety amongst the gullible public to the viewers. Removal is good. Moreover, the girl hired to unknowingly impersonate an Albanian amidst an Albanian war exclaims that she “can’t wait to put this on [her] resume!“. This is a bit too much retell reliant here. Her callowness is used by Levinson as a satirical means to subject the audience to his perspective of a dupable world to political schemes; his ultimate intention being to assert the reality of what he deemed to be a corrupt and broken political system. Ensure you have a concluding sentence here too!

Picasso is aligned with Levinson in the depiction of a dupable world; his perspective of the politics of his own time framing a similar picture of the gullibility of its people. Good intertextual link. His depiction of the individuals in white colour, representing their purity and innocence, reflects the external public’s gullibility through the relatable event. Fabulous. Picasso’s conveyance of the pain is shown through dark green, grey and black tones throughout the painting to create a melancholic mood, effectively creating a new perspective amongst the gullible audience. What perspective is this? Likewise, the mother’s body language symbolising her sad emotions as she cradles her deceased child, is composed by Picasso in the ground layer of the painting to present the deceit by political figures on their people and the shock of the reality of their actions. Similarly to Levinson, Picasso has effectively portrayed the tactics used by politics to manipulate a gullible public, and as a result, the shocking reality we face once we realise the truth. Good paragraph, but the evidence here simply doesn't match the powerful things you've done with the Prescribed Text.

In summation, Wag the Dog and “Guernica”, are eloquent of the corruption within politics due to the manipulation by politicians and the gullible nature of their submissive public. Levinson and Picasso’s perspectives towards these issues have been communicated through the use of textual devices specific to their mediums to; offering new understandings of individuals and politics to the external audience. The idea of different forms/mediums is something I'd like to see you explicitly explore a little more in the essay. Thus, through the representation of Levinson and Picasso’s political perspectives, new understandings have been offered to an external audience.I would keep this last sentence, and make it more theme specific also.

This is an absolutely killer essay lha! I'm glad you corrected my count; it was a pleasure to read very clever concepts, excellent analysis, fantastic structure, and superb expression. Really, really well done!!

My comments throughout cover most of my recommendations; little bits of extra detail here, avoiding a bit of retell there, etc etc. The one over-arching comment I'd make is on the balance between your Prescribed and ORT. Right now you have 3 vs 2 paragraphs, but the two ORT paragraphs are also the shortest, so you are at about a 75-25 split. This is too far swung towards Prescribed, in my opinion.

Put simply, you have absolutely blown your Prescribed out of the water. Bloody brilliant. But your ORT can't hope to compare, and that isn't a good thing for the marker, because the strength and sophistication of your argument suffers.

There are a few things you could try. The simplest would just be beefing up the ORT paragraphs. You could also explore integrating your essay (this could also let you compare the use of techniques across mediums, something you touched on in the conclusion that I'd like to see more of). Or, and I don't strictly think this is necessary, you could change your ORT. I don't recommend that here though, but it is an option. This late in the game, I reckon just beefing up your ORT paragraphs with an extra sentence or two should fix you

A fantastic essay lha, absolutely wonderful work!

Thank you! I will definitely incorporate the feedback! Just one other thing, if i adapt this to the question in the exam, what mark do you think ill be looking at?

[jamonwindeyer]

Thank you! I will definitely incorporate the feedback! Just one other thing, if i adapt this to the question in the exam, what mark do you think ill be looking at?

No problem!! Properly adapted to the question, this would almost definitely get a Band 6 range mark

[jamonwindeyer]

thank you!!

Also do I only need 5 more posts until i can get another essay marked? My last two essays that were marked would have led me to 65 posts so another 15 will be at 80, so does that mean i can post another essay soon?

Yes, you can post one as soon as you hit 80!

[birdwing341]

Hello,

I'm not sure how many posts I need (but I feel like I'm OK)...So here's my Mod B generic essay (I'm confident my opening and closing sentences will change in the actual exam to answer the question more strongly), but any advice would be appreciated

[vyca]

Hi! may I get my Mod A essay marked (theres no conclusion and i've written an extra paragraph but will only be using 3 in the hsc). Also need help with writing more captivating topic sentences! Thankyou

Spoiler

Shakespeare and Pacino both present texts that are artistic products of their  time. Shakespeare’s play was provisioned by Elizabethan censorship, and thus was engineered to flatter the ruling monarch. Therefore Shakespeare depicts an evil and megalomaniacal protagonist and his engagement with a world bound by religion and morals. It is dually a political statement and exploration of aspects of the human construct such as power, evil and duplicity. Pacino’s post-modern docudrama liases with a contemporary world that has undergone a paradigmatic shift. Taking his context into grave consideration, he has illuminated upon and reshaped the universal values present in the parent text to create a platform for an enriched understanding and to “communicate a shakespeare about how we feel and think today”. Despite the variance of contextual circumstances, the texts are connected through their exploration of what it is to be human.

Pacino and Shakespeare acknowledge power and the desire for power as part of the timeless human construct. Shakespeare makes Richard’s purpose clear in the melodramatic signpost “I am determined to prove a villain.”  It is a transparent indicator of his intentions of villainy and usurpation in retaliation for his disfiguration and consequential inadequacies as a ‘lover’. The pun propounds the renaissance confliction, of whether his discourse is conditioned by divine providence or free will. The amoral nature of Richard’s pursuit of power has Shakespeare characterise him as a “bloody and usurping boar”. The animalistic imagery dehumanises Richard to a beast, the boar, a metaphor for his insatiable appetite for power, corruption and primitiveness. The Shakespearean audience are set up to view Richard as the Machiavellian, effectively maligning him and justifying the Tudor reign. Pacino seeks to engage a different audience with revised ideas on power, and notions this shift with an establishing sequence juxtaposing an English cathedral with the American streets. Pacino ousts the opening grandiose soliloquy and competition between providentialism and free will, replacing it with a performance of Richard manoeuvring and looming over the Sick king Edward. In this way, Richard’s power, manipulation, and control is visually and  immediately established to a modern audience liberated from divine order.  For this despotism to be received with clarity by a contemporary audience, Pacino draws comparisons to “Dons” “Upper-Class thugs” and “Gangsters”. This correlation to the modern world establishes the desire for power as a universal flaw of humanity. Both composers have effectively promulgated the notion of power to their distinctive audience giving special consideration to their contextual influences.
 
Shakespeare and Pacino convey Richard’s evil as an aspect of the human condition. Shakespeare crafts Richard’s physical appearance to be “deformed” “unfinished” and “rudely stamped”.  Shakespeare plays with disparaging language and copiousness to amplify Richard’s deformity to form the conditions of a religious paradigm for his audience to diagnose Richard as metaphysically evil, corrupted and less than human. Shakespeare has effectively concocted a malignant identity for his audience to warrant Richard’s demise and endorse the royal prerogative of the Tudor house. Richard embodies the distinctive evil nature of the “Vice” which as him amply referred to as “hedgehog” “foul swine” “toad” and eventually, “bloody demon” and “cacodemon”.  The progression from lesser beasts to diabolic terms emulates the progression of Richard’s corruption by evil that he ceases to be truly human, thus being a depiction on being human in a world dominated by steadfast morals.  The stigmas that characterised a physical malformation have long been buried. Thus, to enrich a contemporary audience’s understanding, Kimball gives an explanation “Shakespeare has exaggerated his deformity in order to embody forth dramatically, visually and metaphorically the corruption of his mind”. Pacino lessens the prominence of the deformity and appropriates Richard’s evil through costuming him ominously in all black and holding a riding crop. These symbols are visual stimuli that plainly explicate villainy and autocratic power to a modern audience. Accessing a world of moral ambiguity, Pacino orients towards the modern fascination with psychology. Kimball notes “he knows that he does not have his humanity”, so devoid that he is “alienated from his own body and own self”, thus pinning Richard’s self-corruption and psychological fragmentation for his evil. This especially manifests in the final battle scene at Bosworth, filtered in red as a synecdoche for the blood spilt by Richard who is on his knees and abandoned. His body language and low angle the he is filmed at creates a sense of vulnerability and loss of power. Pacino creates a pathetic, damaged and fragmented figure of Richard, enhanced by the quick cross-cuts, eliciting sympathy from the modern audience and provoking the thought of what it is to be human.
 
Providentialism was the religious paradigm of Shakespeare’s time and is firmly ingrained in his writing, whilst it’s absence in Pacino’s contemporary world imposes a reorientation. The spiritual order of Shakespeare’s theocentric world is disturbed in the antithetical pairing of “winter of our discontent” and “glorious summer”. The prophetic metaphor foretells the chaos and havoc to ensue as a result of Richard’s subversion of God’s plan. Shakespeare has Queen Margaret operate as the voice of providence who forewarns of the dire consequences for the suspension of moral and religious boundaries, “that none of you may live your natural age”. Thus, true to a morality play, Shakespeare extends moral messages to his audience. Hence, it is unsurprising that Richard “fall(s) into the rotten mouth of death”, a metaphor for his surrender of power and capitulation to divine retribution.  Thus, Richard’s undoing is emblematic of the Shakespearean theocentric worldview that all humanity is subject to a greater divine power. Accordingly, Richard’s death signals the restoration of divine order, Richmond the “true successor” momentously proclaims “peace lives again…God say Amen”. The religious allusion asserts the triumphal workings of providence. A providential worldview is contextually irrelevant for Pacino. Unlike Shakespeare, Richard’s immorality is not condemned by Pacino who instead embraces postmodern philosophy in “A person has an opinion. It’s never a question of right or wrong”. Pacino provides this rationale for a contemporary world extricated from moral principle, reiterated through an impromptu vox populi “we have no feelings. We don’t feel for each other. If we were taught to feel, we wouldn’t be so violent”. This is a testament to the moral legacy of Shakespeare's work that has been misplaced in the modern world. In this world, the line of succession and theocentrism is lost, thus Richmond is demoted to an insignificant figure with no historical prominence. His speech is obsolete so Pacino accentuates the silence, “I love the silence. I love the silence. After silence what else is there?” This silence symbolises the uncertainty and ambiguity that permeates postmodern philosophy on one’s place in an impersonal universe. Life is “rounded with a sleep” than tied down by the constraints of a moral universe.
 
Both Shakespeare and Pacino convey duplicity as a trait of Richard’s character. Richard’s deformity and inadequacies animate him to be “ subtle, false and treacherous,” He carefully constructs an outward demeanour that efficaciously disguises his malice, as when he woos Lady Anne by averring, “I did kill King Henry but ‘twas thy beauty that provoked me” and that he would “wet his grave with my repentant tears”. These lines showcase richard’s mellifluous oration and skilful manipulation as he personifies her beauty to flatter her and lodge her in a position of culpability and guilt, whilst staging himself as sincerely remorseful. Thus the “admiring and guilt-ridden lover” is one of the many forged manifestations of Richard that successfully beguiles Anne into marriage, when he really has an ulterior motive, “I will not keep her long”.  Richard also deceitfully tries to rouse the people to accept his agenda by having Buckingham name the two princes as “bastards” and himself holding “a prayer book in your hand and stand between two churchmen”. The defamatory language and religious symbols to engage the role of the pious man enables him to deceive the populace into championing his accession to the throne. Pacino’s dual role as director and actor emulates Richard’s dual appearance. Moving beyond the esoteric language of Shakespeare, Pacino uses Chiaroscuro lighting to project light and shadow on Richard’s face highlighting his enigma and capacity of forging appearance and reality. The deliberate casting of “very young” Anne intensifies Anne’s innocence and susceptibility and thus human frailty and concurrently, Richard’s predacity. The camera pivots around Anne to symbolise her entrapment by his manipulative and cajoling words,. Upon a successful deception pacino exultantly exclaims “HA!”, revelling in the skill and craftiness of Richard’s deceit. Scholar Barbara Everett repudiates Richard’s apparent holiness,  “he’s hard as nails, he’s only pretending to be religious”, whereby the cliché and explanation serve to encourage understanding from the contemporary audience on duplicity. Pacino emphasises the political characteristics of Richard from his defamation of the young princes, “they canvas like politicians, complete with lies and innuendo”. A comparison to contemporary politics is drawn which is recognisable to a modern audience, and enforces that still today, people are willing to do, act or saying anything to gain political power.

[pels]

Howdy Pels! Not a worry, your essay is in the spoiler below with comments in bold!

Spoiler

Question - How do composers construct texts that reveal both the reasons for and impact of people's particular political motivations?
In your response make reference to TWO of Auden's poems.
Two chosen poems: 'Spain', 'O What Is That Sound?'

Throughout history, there have been many events that have occurred that have allowed for mankind to attain certain beliefs and perspectives in relation to politics and therefore political motivations, upon further reflection of the past. Could you give me some examples/details about what these perspectives might be? Essential to link properly to the question. Poets such as the witty English poet W.H. Auden born in York in 1907 were inspired to write pieces which criticised/commented on the reasons for and the impact of people's political motivations, through their own unique representation of key historical events or figures throughout the ages. I'm looking for a little more beef in this introduction; mainly this should come from going into the idea of 'political motivations' - What plays a role? Greed? Manipulation? Explore these sorts of things, introductions should be a solid 4-5 sentences in length

As a result of his political sympathies, Auden believed that for his work to be considered valid he must experience the cruelty of war firsthand, and thus was inspired to go to Spain in 1937 at the time of the Civil War. “I am not one of those who believe that poetry need or even should be directly political. But in a critical period such as ours, I do believe that the poet must have direct knowledge of the major political events.” Be sure to identify that you are quoting Auden here, the quote works well regardless. This reveals that Auden believed that his political motivations were only strengthened and valid if he experienced firsthand the political events of the war. As a result,  Auden's most renowned texts which include 'O What Is That Sound?' as well as 'Spain', have indefinitely influenced and revealed both the reasons for and impact of his  particular political motivations. This feels like information that could be summarised in a sentence or two and mixed into your introduction! Try to get straight into the analysis of how the idea of political motivation is constructed in your texts (through techniques).

A text that has distinctly revealed both the reasons for and impact of people's particular political motivations is Auden's poem titled 'Spain'. What are these impacts and reasons? Through this poem, Auden is commenting on the past, present and future endeavours of Spain, and the immediacy of the suffering and restrictions imposed by the Civil War. In doing so, Auden directs this poem to the general public of Europe during the late 1930's.  Good links to audience.

The poem emphasises the pain and struggle that is to come but the amending and joy of 'tomorrow'. War and death are presented in the poem through the vast geography and use of imagery, "and the nations combine each cry". Be specific - Exactly what does Auden want to show us about war and death? This reveals Auden's political motivations, as he wanted for the young left-wing Pro-Marxist English writers to show their support for the Spanish Republicans fighting in the Civil War, which is exacerbated through the use of the words "intervene" and "descend", highlighting a true need for support against the villainous Nationalists.  I don't quite buy that link between the imagery and the political motivations of Auden, I think you might need to approach that a little bit differently.

The poem is written with three main tones. A nostalgic tone as seen through 'yesterday' (the past), a lamenting tone for today (the present), and a hopeful tone (for the future), although the overall tone is wistful, emphasised through final statement "May say Alas but cannot help nor pardon." Auden's use of this tone is indicative of the cruelty imposed on Spain by the right-wing Nationalists led by Franco, and by implementing this tone in the poem it reveals Auden's political motivations against the right-wing Nationalists. Try to trim the unnecessary detail; you could get all of this done in one sentence (see below).

Auden's use of descriptive language, through the manipulation of both positive and negative imagery, are used to create overpowering images in the readers mind. Good. The vast imagery through the "motionless eagle eyeing the valley", and "tomorrow the bicycle races", juxtapose heavily to the notion of "to-day the struggle". Great! What does this achieve though? What does the audience realise as a result of this juxtaposition? What does it show us about political motivations?The personification used in stanza 14, "Yes, I am Spain" makes it evident that  the Nationalist forces are an obstacle for Spain, restricting its freedom as well as its inhabitants freedom and normal way of life, and thus influencing the reader to take a side on the issue of war. Again, what is the link to the question?

Symbolism is also manipulated by Auden in 'Spain' in stanza 18. "To the medicine ad, and the brochure of winter cruises have become invading battalions", is symbolic of the extreme changes that Spain had faced due to the conflict of war, and reveals a true juxtaposition between a once desired location, now changed into a battlefield. Be careful not to focus completely on the context of the work; you need to be looking at what it says about the theme generally too. If it was only relevant to Spain; what would the audience gain? In addition to this, Auden reveals that the right-wing Spanish Nationalists under the rule of General Franco, had superimposed their fascist beliefs upon the people of Spain, which Auden comments on through the quote "Corrupt heart of the city.", reinforcing the huge divide between the rich Nationalist landowners and businessmen) versus the Republicans being agricultural labourers and middle-class workers). What quote is this? Try to never give a quote without a technique.

All in all, Auden's poem 'Spain' was evidently created on the basis of his political motivations against the Nationalist Spanish regimes, and is a direct call to political action and support for the  Republicans, as it reflects an great sense of the people involved in this tragic political war and the personification of Spain as a living entity itself. This would work as a great conclusion if you blended everything above into a single paragraph! And this next sentence would start you off for your next paragraph... Similarly, Auden's  poem titled 'O What Is That Sound?'  is reflective of the impending doom and generally the universality and everlasting tragedy of war, as well as the general impact that fascist regimes such as those of Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini during the 1940's had on such Western cultures. Read this sentence and then the question; are you still answering the question at this point?

The tone of the poem is achieved instantly through the title 'O What Is That Sound?', which creates a sense of ambiguity for the reader, in the sense that it is uncertain what sound Auden is referring to in the title. Good links to audience, it is also a rhetorical question! Through the title, an eerie mood is imposed instantly, reinstating the sense of impending doom.

'O What Is That Sound?' is structured in the ABAB rhyme scheme, which is in correspondence with the two voices heard throughout the poem, assumed to be one male and one female.  This is a statement of fact/interpretation of the poem. It doesn't link to any concept and doesn't give any new interpretations; and thus is irrelevant. Auden establishes a strong relationship between the two voices, which makes the poem seem much more personal, putting it in the much larger political picture of war, whilst also creating sympathy through descriptive words such as 'wounded'. How is this relationship established? Therefore, Auden's political motivations are reinforced through the way he portrays the effects that war has on people, and its everlasting universality. Again, good ideas, but expressing them more succinctly would allow you to develop a better structure!

Additionally, through the use of images such as that of the 'scarlet soldiers' and the 'cunning farmer', Auden presents a variety of images of war that are ambiguous in relation to the time period they are set in, which emphasises the negativity of war throughout the ages. Ideally, Auden's political motivations are seen as he cleverly paints the war as a lost cause and  a dark and disturbing time in history. This is better! Good good.

The confusion of the female voice is exacerbated through her constant asking of questions - stanza 2 - "Over the distance brightly, brightly?", as well as "O what is that light I see flashing so clear." Try to use the proper term of rhetorical question! Through the use of these literary techniques,  Auden is able to portray a life of impending demise and the everlasting effects of war. By portraying the woman as scared, requiring reassurance from her partner, Auden could be  commenting on the panic and distress brought upon the world due to the political parties during that period in history, particularly Hitler's Nazi Party and Mussolini's Italian army. Be high modality! Don't say "could be," be confident in your own ideas!

Auden's political motivations  are represented in the final stanza of the poem through the stark imagery and symbolism. "Their feet are heavy on the floor, And their eyes are burning", contrasts to the previous stanzas in which the conversation between the two voices is quite stable and then builds up to a climax, lurking closer to disaster. The imagery of the burning eyes reinforces the hate and lust for power that fuels the soldiers marching ahead. Auden represents this overpowering notion in such a distinctive way which connects with the reader effectively, creating sympathy and affinity for the characters in Auden's poem. Again, re-read the question at the latter stages of your essay - Still answering?

This essay has some great idea Pels! And definitely some great knowledge of text and incredible contextual detail, so great stuff there! I'd have two main recommendations.

The first would be ensuring you answer the question properly. This question and module demands that you explore how the composer uses techniques to portray the theme of political motivations in the text. However, you need to explore this theme generally: How does the composer say things about the theme that are relevant to the audience? Right now, your essay explores the effects of techniques in the text (not necessarily linked to the theme of political motivation), and links them to Auden's political motivations. While elements of this are really great, it isn't quite what is required here.

You need to develop the theme of political motivation more effectively. There are several ways you can do this. Some more detail in your Thesis will do wonders, and beyond that, just more explicitly asking yourself; What does this technique do to teach the audience something about political motivations. Techniques representing meaning are the focus of this module

The other suggestion I have is on structure; try to shift away from these smaller paragraphs. It tends to act as a barrier to a good expression of ideas, since you have so much stopping and starting. At least, in my opinion, you should try a more typical structure. Get everything into (potentially) two paragraphs, one on each text. To do this you'll need to do some trimming...

So here is one of the paragraphs:
The poem is written with three main tones. A nostalgic tone as seen through 'yesterday' (the past), a lamenting tone for today (the present), and a hopeful tone (for the future), although the overall tone is wistful, emphasised through final statement "May say Alas but cannot help nor pardon." Auden's use of this tone is indicative of the cruelty imposed on Spain by the right-wing Nationalists led by Franco, and by implementing this tone in the poem it reveals Auden's political motivations against the right-wing Nationalists.

And here is how I would communicate that information (removing the quote because I'm not sure how I would personally use it here):

The juxtaposition of a variety of lamenting, nostalgic and wistful tones develops our understanding of the Spanish political context, as we come to empathise with Auden's motivations.

Don't know the texts, so take me at face value, but the idea here is being succinct. The focus should be analysis! You don't have to describe how the techniques are used, just tell me what they are and what they show us!

In terms of conclusions, I'm of the belief they should do the following:

- Restate your Thesis
- Relist the arguments you've made
- Restate your final position, the big conclusion you've come to from your essay!

Notice there is nothing new; conclusions should give no new info! If your essay is the gift, the conclusion is the wrapping paper bringing it all together

So in summary; great contextual and textual knowledge. I need some clearer conceptual development to properly answer the question, and less unnecessary detail to allow you to improve your structure. Great work Pels!! Definitely the makings of a really powerful essay here, just some changes to polish it up

Thanks Jamon.
You're a legend

[jamonwindeyer]

Hello,

I'm not sure how many posts I need (but I feel like I'm OK)...So here's my Mod B generic essay (I'm confident my opening and closing sentences will change in the actual exam to answer the question more strongly), but any advice would be appreciated

Yep you are good! You've only spent 35 posts so far, this will put you to 50 so you are still very much in the green on the list!