Okay I will have a go now 
So it doesn't take too long and leave too many questions I was thinking rather than her asking for help I give the reader the impression that she will or some other sign that she has decided to? Your advice has been just as important in getting me to the point I am now, way better than what my teachers say, it's always so vague ahah
Also a great idea. You could do it something like, she sees now that she can do it alone, so she feels no longer the need to prove it, it won't be as difficult next Christmas, for she'll have help. Again, make it about that discovery of her sense of strength. This way she's not actively like going and getting a flyer and then your story is extended, but just her shift in ideas is enough.
I'm really pleased you feel like I've been able to give you more direction! Really stoked
Hey Elyse, I had a quick go just then I wrote women's refuge instead of refuge because I thought the marker may not work it out and take refuge just as a metaphor for the feeling of security rather than an actual refuge itself. Is this clear yet subtle enough? (Sorry I know I shouldn't be posting this since the thread is locked but hopefully it is okay because it is only a very small thing 
)
In the corner, stood her mother, whose worn hands were no longer a constant reminder of what she once perceived as weakness. Rather, all she could see now was strength – the strength she needed to ask for help.
“I love you, mum!” Grace chirped.
“Your father…” she paused.
Out of her torn pockets emerged a series of grainy photographs, which Samantha handed to Grace. She deserved the truth.
“Your father… he loves you too.”
The two stood together, mesmerised, not by the tree but by memories of Grace’s father.
The following week, as they would most nights, the pair took shelter in their still windswept sleeping bag. Yet tonight there was no rain. Rather, looking up, all Samantha could see was a ceiling - a women's refuge where she could take the first steps towards giving Grace her childhood back. Next to her lay Grace, pale polaroid photographs now grasped between her hardened hands, the only remaining memory of her father that she misses so dearly. So, every Christmas, Grace would decorate her little gem of hope with the photographs. A sign that her father had also found his way home.
I really like this, in fact the only thing I want to change is the polaroids. I'd rather them just be plain photographs - polaroids are out dated and tbh, expensive these days. It just seems like a cliche to me here and it tries to romanticise it a bit for me. But, overall, this is wonderful. Really good. I love that they are still in the sleeping bag. I do want to see a little more about her thinking that now she's done it, she's proved to herself she can do it, she's discovered it's ok to reach out for help. I'd like to see a little more of that, but it still works well as is
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Topic: English Advanced Question Thread (Read 1552628 times)