False Foundation
I’m finally updating this journal again, well I only missed one week so maybe that’s an exaggeration, but it feels like a long time. I wish I could say that I’ve caught up with what I hoped to and that I’m on track to do well with the goals I’ve set, but I’m not.
I think that the reason I’ve been so unproductive is because I set my expectations too high, I subconsciously make studying out to be a much harder task than it really is. I think this is so I have an excuse as to why I’m not doing as well as I’d like, when the task I must complete is so challenging it prevents me from seeing my true abilities since I don’t use my time well or leave it to the last minute. I don’t think my problem is that I set the bar too high for myself, it’s instead that I don’t want to jump to see if I can reach it but also believe that it will likely not be enough if I lower it into a level I’m comfortable with, so the cycle continues. It’s kind of like Schrödinger's cat, in the time before an action you don’t know your potential, in a sense you are limitless for that time since you could enough or you may not be, I don’t want to know the answer when it’s uncertain.
So, I’ll rebuild my expectations from the ground up. It’s better to do something than nothing for now. I’m only going to tell myself to write a single word of an essay if I need to and only do half a problem of a maths question if necessary, then I’ll work my way up by increasing the amount based on my own intuition and what I think I can do consistently. This way, I won’t be hesitant or resistant to starting since it’s certain that I’ll be able to reach my goal. Hopefully this is a better approach than what I’ve been doing so far, only studying when I believe I can reach an unreasonably high standard. I think with that kind of method, it leads to burnout and inconsistency since it’s easier to doubt your abilities as it’s an expectation build off of baseless confidence in the first place.
Last week I completed an English SAC which I didn’t prepare enough for, I doubt I’ll do well. I also have to learn all of probability for methods since I didn’t pay enough attention in class and did next to no textbook questions. There’s also about a chapter of specialist work to do and some physics exercises to work on. Not to mention the practice exams and holiday homework I received. However, I believe that if I can start with a smaller workload and work my way up I’ll be able to do it. Thinking back, that was how I was able to accomplish similar results, by decreasing my expectations initially to get started. I’ll need to remember to repeat this process whenever I see myself getting off track so I can keep on building momentum consistently.
I know a lot of this entry is not really directly related to VCE schoolwork, but writing this here helps me to face things that prevent me from studying or doing anything productive and come up with potential solutions that might someone else.
T4 Holidays Week 1 Goals:
- Do my best to catch up, get started on everything (set more defined/measurable goals once I see what I’m capable of doing now)