I'll put some input here
Seriously good input here conic curve!
Why is there nothing about Wrack haha :P
Hello Elyse!
Just wondering if you could help me out with my thesis for the upcoming HSC? How much can you actually prepare your AOS essay?
For instance i wrote the following introduction on the question: Whether planned or unexpected, the importance of discovery lies in how it has altered perceptions of ourselves and our world.
Discoveries can awaken us to new ideas, offer fresh insights and enable speculations about future possibilities. However, the significance of discovery is relative to the measure in which it affects change in ourselves and our lives. Without the resultant paradigm shift, a discovery, whether deliberate or by chance, will never be meaningful. When exploring different ares of life, the discoveries made will challenge and change our understanding of self and our world through experience and growth of knowledge.
I've noticed in some of your past posts that you have recommended having two thesis statements and adapting one to the question in the exam. What do you recommend i could take word for word into the exam and what should i leave open for adaption out of the above intro/thesis?
Thanks in advance!! this is a truly awesome site... i wish discovered it before yesterday!
Thankyou so much ssarahj!! seriously appreciate it! ;) :D
So say if the question was nothing to do with changing perceptions or the nature of discovery being planned or unexpected (sorry just being difficult here :o) but rather something like this:Discoveries, their process and their effect, very depending on an individual's context., how would you suggest adapting our thesis statement (below) to fix the question?
Discoveries can offer an individual fresh insights and ideas which enable speculation about future possibilities. The significance of discoveries, whether deliberate or by chance, is relative to the measure in which it affects meaningful change in one's perception of themselves and their life.
Thanks again!
When adapting your thesis to a question you want to keep the core of your own idea while adding the specific notions of the question. So for that one you could say something like this...
Best of luck! :)
Hey guys,
I was wondering if you could give me some feedback for my AOS thesis. Could you also let me know if it's adaptable as Im planning to use this in the HSC. Also, how would I manipulate it to fit the essay question?
"The confronting and provocative process of discovery has the potential to transform an individual’s perception towards the human experience and the world. However, the extent of the transformation is influenced by the willingness of the individual to embrace their discovery."
Hey guys,
I was wondering if you could give me some feedback for my AOS thesis. Could you also let me know if it's adaptable as Im planning to use this in the HSC. Also, how would I manipulate it to fit the essay question?
"The confronting and provocative process of discovery has the potential to transform an individual’s perception towards the human experience and the world. However, the extent of the transformation is influenced by the willingness of the individual to embrace their discovery."
The only thing I'm wary of here is "the human experience." It seems quite vague - and I think you could be more direct in order to really grab the marker. The human condition and the human experience is vague, so you've got to tag it with something in order to make it really clear to a marker that you aren't someone using a sweeping statement to make a point. Perhaps you should knuckle it down to the perception towards human interaction, or human emotion, or whatever it may be. Identify which part of the human experience you are focusing on.
Hi,
I really appreciate all the time ATAR notes tutors are putting in to help us prepare for our HSC English exam.
I'm currently attempting the 2015 AOS paper, if someone could give me feedback on my thesis that would be awesome !
Hi Scarlet! Not a worry in the world, super glad to help!
Q. The process of discovery involves uncovering what is hidden and reconsidering what is known. How is this perspective on discovery explored in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing?
Thesis: An individual’s process of discovery involves uncovering what has been previously hidden and reconsidering what is already known. However, the ramifications and processes of these discoveries vary for each individual and their worlds, asThe discoveries can either transform the individual for the better, worse or have no apparent effect.
My critique on this:
Your first sentence is pretty well a regurgitation of the question - I tend to suggest leaving that repeating of the question (if you need to) until the second sentence at least, simply so that you grab the marker with something really catchy early on. The next suggestion I have is for the wording of "for the better, worse, or have no apparent effect." I think "better or worse" is a bit colloquial and also subjective. Perhaps suggest, "...can either transform the individual in ways they deem positive, or in ways that contradict society's expectations." Obviously you'd need to adapt it to what is true from your texts, I'm just suggesting a way to be a bit less ambiguous :) I also think the second sentence should become one with the third! :) Let me know what you think!
Hello friendly volunteers/moderators,
For each body paragraph thesis, do we provide a general statement on a concept of discovery we're about to talk about? Or do we refer to the text with snippets of certain concepts (e.g. Character's exploration of unknown lands has a far-reaching impact on him, which ultimately revitalises his perspective towards...)
Thanks :P
Hey there! ;D
Each paragraph should indeed have a sentence at the start giving a brief conceptual statement about what the paragraph will cover. I generally call this a Motherhood Statement, it acts like a mini-Thesis for the paragraph ;) you still do the conceptual stuff throughout the paragraph! But you set up the reader at the start :)
I've always loved this 'Motherhood Statement' business; only ever heard Elyse and yourself call it that. If anyone else is as confused as I was the first time they heard the term, it's just a topic sentence/golden sentence/whatever your teacher calls it.
Moderator Self-Edit: I don't mean to start a war here
Hey there! ;D
Each paragraph should indeed have a sentence at the start giving a brief conceptual statement about what the paragraph will cover. I generally call this a Motherhood Statement, it acts like a mini-Thesis for the paragraph ;) you still do the conceptual stuff throughout the paragraph! But you set up the reader at the start :)
So do we basically rephrase concepts from the rubric? If so, it feels like I'm repeating what I stated in the main thesis.
This is one from my essay: "Hurley’s planned exploration of the unchartered Antarctic during the Mawson and Shackleton expeditions had impacted him at an emotional level, compelling him to share it in a revitalising matter. "
Thank you Elyse !
How would I then approach the question without regurgitating ? I'm really stuck on this part
I would say that sentence is okay, though perhaps a little vague; exactly what were the impacts? ;D
I would think of it this way, think of your main Thesis as an umbrella. A big idea. Your motherhood statements all fall under that umbrella, but they are all distinct.
As an example, maybe your main Thesis is something like, Personal attitudes act as barriers to effective Discovery. Your motherhood statements/paragraphs might be:
- Jealousy as a barrier to discovery
- Obsession as a barrier to discovery
Purely an indicator of course :) so all of these are different concepts, but they all fit under the common theme of "barriers to Discovery." So I discuss each of them in turn, all the while linking to my big idea!
So you see it is up to you to create these little 'mini-ideas' that fit under your big one. There can be a little repetition, and all will link to the rubric in some way (probably), but they should still all serve their own purpose. Does that make sense? :)
Hi!
I was wondering if you could please give me some feedback thesis for Mod A (Richard III and Looking for Richard)?
"An exploration into differing social paradigms during a text’s composition enables a greater understanding of the composer’s intention. Shakespeare’s 16th Century play Richard III, set in Elizabethan England, adjacently analysed with Al Pacino’s postmodern docudrama LFR facilitates an examination into how the shift in pervasive values greatly influenced the film appropriation for a contemporary audience."
Thanks!
Hey Alyssa! I love it, I think that provided you subsequently examine what precise values/paradigms you are referencing, then you are golden. This links to the module well and sets up your argument nicely! Again, make sure you give us more clarification with regard to what social paradigms/values you are talking about in the next sentence(s) :) :)
Thank you so much for all the work you do for us on here!! Sorry for another post, but I was also wondering if my Discovery thesis works?
We do Bill Bryson's A Short History of Nearly Everything and its quite a difficult test to create an overall thesis for!
My related text is the Lost Thing. :)
"For the individual, discovery is a concept that provokes a re evaluation of pervasive understandings, offering new insight into life and humanity. This is especially true when re evaluation is prompted by challenging or adverse situations. If met with flexibility, the renewed perspective from these discoveries can positively shape is as human beings and the world around us."
hi!
i was hoping i could get some advice on my these statement for my discovery essay :) would be much appreciated
was also wondering if its too specific?
thesis:
It is the power of discoveries in being able to confront an individual’s intrinsic values and beliefs which allow them to physically and mentally transform an individual’s perception of themselves and their surrounding world.
Hello! I've been a massive nerd and spent more studying than socialising but the good news is that I already have some idea of what my thesis will be about :)
Discoveries often act as catalysts for the cultivation of maturity in an individual’s life. This growth is stimulated by evocative discoveries, both deliberate and unforeseen, made within the paradigms of emotion, intellect and spiritualism, and grants the individual the lucidity to challenge and question their past perspectives.
Is this clear and to the point? How can I improve it?
Hey guys!
This is my thesis statement for AOS Discovery Essay.
Discoveries encompass exposure to new landscapes. An individual reconsidering their outlooks can evoke this within themselves and others, challenging their ideals held about themselves and the world around them. Shakespeare's play, "The Tempest" and Peter Weir's drama film "Dead Poets Society" convey this through their depitction of the far reaching impact of emotional and self-discoveries.
I'd like some feedback as to whether a third party believes this is succint and adaptable? Cheers ;D
Hey Nicki! I like the idea you are putting across, it works well, but I think your expression could be tidied a tad:It is the power of discoveries inAn individual being able to confrontan individual’stheir intrinsic values and beliefswhichallows them to physically and mentally transforman individual’stheir perceptions of themselves and their surrounding world.
Provided you then go into just a tad more detail, likely to link to the question, I really like it! ;D I don't think it is too specific, you could use it in response to a variety of questions, but perhaps have other ideas in your back pocket in case you get something particularly nasty ;)
Hey Caitlin! Glad to hear from a fellow nerd ;)
I like this Thesis! I think it would work better if you used a synonym for discoveries in the second sentence, or perhaps framed it a little differently, right now it is repetitious. Your expression in the last part of that second sentence could also perhaps be polished ever so slightly, just a tad messy:
Discoveries often act as catalysts for the cultivation of maturity in an individual’s life. This growth is stimulated by evocativediscoveriesSYNONYM, both deliberate and unforeseen, made within the paradigms of emotion, intellect and spiritualism,andthus grantsing the individual the lucidity to challenge and question their past perspectives.
I think this is a really great Thesis! Well developed, though you may want to practice linking it to questions once Year 12 starts. I love that you have ideas already, if you are writing this already you should feel super confident for the 12 months ahead! ;D
guys, I know this may be weird time to ask, especially with hsc one week away, but better late than never! Well basically, whats the point of having techniques in an essay. I get it, you're trying to prove that your thesis is relevant to both texts and as such you can come to the consensus that it is true for the majority of texts. But how do you use techniques to prove your point? Like cool there's a simile here, but what does it have to do with discovery?
Depending on the question, of course (my best essays tend to be when I make one up on the spot!) but do you think these are complex enough?
Depending on the question, of course (my best essays tend to be when I make one up on the spot!) but do you think these are complex enough?
Discovery Thesis: Confronting and provocative experiences allow individuals to discover their personal potential to create change in response to suffering and hardship.
Guys, quick question. Jamon always talks about this, but I don't really understand; what's a conceptual thesis? and do you recommend having a conceptual thesis just for discovery or are there any other modules that would be answered better with a conceptual thesis??
A conceptual thesis is usually a statement that avoids talking about the texts directly - it just focuses on the ideas (concepts) within the texts and it kind of stands as your overarching statement. For discovery, I think it is the best way to go! For Advanced Module C, I also used a conceptual thesis. Module A and B were less "conceptual" but still had that overarching nature that linked into each paragraph :)
Thesis statement feedback is coming later today everyone! Sorry for the delay!
Hi everyone!
Could I please get some feedback on my AOS essay thesis and intro, any feedback would be appreciated.
Hello again, I've modified them following your instructions in two ways:
1. Discoveries often act as catalysts for the cultivation of maturity in an individual’s life. This transformation, stimulated by evocative realisations both deliberately planned and unforeseen, occurs within the paradigms of emotion, intellect and spiritualism and consequently grants the individual the lucidity to challenge and question their past perspectives.
2. Discoveries often act as catalysts for the cultivation of maturity in an individual’s life. This growth is stimulated by evocative realisations, both deliberately planned and unforeseen, made within the paradigms of emotion, intellect and spiritualism, thus granting the individual the lucidity to challenge and question their past perspectives.
Personally I think the first one is better because it sounds smarter, but using big words =/= logic and sense. Can I get an expert opinion pls?
Hi guys,
I was wondering if you might be able to give me a bit of feedback on my thesis. I was also wondering if you think it might be easily manipulated to suit a question?
Thanks for your help!
Hello awesome moderators!! 8) ;D
i was just wondering if you could help me with my Module C - Exploring Interactions essay thesis/structure?
i just want to clarify if the following thesis/intro and structure is alright and if it can be adapted to fit any HSC question.
Hi, I was wondering if my topic sentences for Discovery were okay. I'm doing The Tempest and This Lime tree bower, my prison
Paragraph 1 (The Tempest) "Uncovering the truth in society shapes the way an individual reflects on who they once were, who they have become and who they should be."
Paragraph 2 (Lime Tree Bower) "Discoveries have transformed our understanding and appreciation of the world around us that allows us to shape the way we perceive the past, present and future."
Paragraph 3 (The Tempest) "the progression of individual growth in new discoveries allow them to gain a new understanding on the way that they perceive the past, present and future."
Hey guys,
Just looking for a bit of feedback on my thesis for discovery:
At the heart of the human experience lies a need to understand our past and create a path for a future. Discoveries are the inherent catalysts of this process. Often discoveries are prompted by a disequilibrium that start us on a process of renewing our perceptions and speculating on future possibilities.
Thank you :)
Hey Guys, could you just let me know what you think of thesis/intro in response to this question:
The process of discovery involves uncovering what is hidden and reconsidering what is known.
How is this perspective on discovery explored in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing?
Discoveries spawned from chaos have consequences that can vary for individuals, but ultimately reveal hidden ideas and knowledge forcing the reconsideration of an individual’s knowledge. Shakespeare’s The Tempest (1611) contains an island with a melange of different characters, which experience differing vehement metamorphosis depending on their separate discoveries generated by Prospero and his chaotic tempest. Similarly, Guernica (1937) is Pablo Picasso’s artwork of the chaos engendered by fascists’ bombing of the titular town, which creates different profound discoveries about the event and of humanity in general depending on the audience’s perspective. Both texts depict the revealing nature of discovery as it forces us to reconsider what we know to be true.
Thanks! I get it now. I just have one other question. For discovery i found that playing the devils advocate when answering the question gives your essay a real edge and helps it to stand out. For example if the q was " Discoveries have positive impacts on those involved." playing the devils advocate your thesis would be something like: "How a discovery impacts the people involved relies entirely on what discovery is made." I was just wondering whether you can use this technique for any of the modules. Since you said that mod c is conceptual i'm assuming that playing the devils advocate for that module would be beneficial. Would it work for mod A and B??
Hey everyone,
Just wondering if I could get some feedback on my introduction for module C, people and politics.
Specifically, how well does it set up my argument and how adaptable is it to different questions, as well as general expression etc.
Representations of people and politics are often a reflection of political motivations and acts and their ramifications on individuals and society more broadly. Arthur Miller’s dramatic play The Crucible (1953) utilises characterisation to explore how competing voices are silenced in 1692 Salem, paralleling his contextual political situation of McCarthyism. Similarly, Lee Daniels’ historical feature film The Butler (2013) explores competing political perspectives surrounding the American civil rights movement, revealing the impacts of political attitudes and acts on individuals and broader society. Dissent in the form of political perspectives that oppose the majority’s view are silenced by the majority. The ramifications of their political acts can cause injustice to individuals and broader society. These texts are a testament to the notion that composers often deliberately represent political situations of their own context, commenting on the impacts of political acts that silence competing political perspectives.
Thanks guys :)
Hey! Sure thing, sorry for the late reply!!
Hey Mary! I think these work really well, my only comment on them all generally would be that they are slightly broad. I'd challenge you to dig deeper once you know the question; what new understanding are granted? How is the way we perceive the world shaped by Discovery? A little more detail would give you more sophistication, but these are nice and broad, ready to be adapted :)
Hi guys,
I was wondering if you might be able to give me a bit of feedback on my thesis. I was also wondering if you think it might be easily manipulated to suit a question?
A confronting and provocative history has the potential to develop attitudes conducive to the process of discovery. These positive attitudes towards discovery combined with experiences of new worlds allows the reevaluation of perspectives, values and speculations about the future. Through these representations, composers postition the responder to experience transformative discoveries leading to renewed perceptions of human interaction through challenging the relationship between life and art.
Thanks for your help!
Thanks again Jamon! :)
Also just two quick questions:
1. About how much are you expected to write for each essay? is it around 600-1000 words? and how many words is it possible to write in 40 mins?
2. What is the best way the approach study for Close Study of Text (I'm doing Merchant of Venice) - should I be writing study notes on themes and characters or just completing past exam questions? I really don't know where to start because there's so much content to cover! Is there anything particular I can focus on that will definitely aid my essay in the exam?
thank you so much Jamon, i tried to be as broad as possible as i didn't know the question. How would i be able to dig deeper once i do know the question?
Most welcome!! :)
Hey Mark! Sorry for delay, I think this works really well. The Thesis you present in the first sentence is a little broad; perhaps explore whether you overall view the hidden ideas to be positive, negative or both? :) I'd also suggest adapting your last sentence so it links to your first a little more explicitly, just to show you've maintained the same idea throughout the introduction and haven't strayed :)
Thnx :D 8) ;) :D 8) ;) :) :) :)
With regards to 'linking' sentences at the conclusion of each paragraph, do you have to link the paragraph back in a stand-alone conceptual statement or can you just finish off whatever you've been saying, whether that's explaining a quote or character, and link it back at the end of the sentence?
e.g. Is the following a good enough 'Link' back to the question or do I have to complete the paragraph with another summary sentence?
The simile has visual implications on the reader who, through visualising and identifying themselves with the comparison, can come to a realisation that the character’s experience has been negatively affected through the isolation of his environment.
btw the idea I'm meant to be linking the above sentence back to is: The harsh and isolated environment of Australia is a key element portrayed by distinctive images to convey its severe and negative impact on the experience of individuals associated with it.
Hi, I was hoping to receive some feedback on my module A thesis/introduction, I feel as though i might just be repeating myself. Thanks in advanced really appreciate what you guys are doing!! :D
A loss of human values is often the result of authoritative individuals and regimes, which subject their society to inhumane conditions that see a loss of love, freedom and hope. Metropolis (1927) by Fritz Lang and Nineteen Eighty-Four (1948) by George Orwell, examine the detrimental consequences of control and oppression, eventuating in the diminishment of rights and wellbeing of humanity. The dystopic visions of Lang and Orwell, provide means to explore the dysfunction of their respective social and historical contexts to portray their fears toward the future of humanity. Thus, the composers criticise strict political regiment to project cautionary tales for their audiences about the unchecked abuse of power and misuse of technology which ultimately ensue a loss of individualism.
AOS:
Discovery is a process which everyone goes through, to uncover hidden abilities and differences which are experienced in diversified ways including constant struggles and challenges. Ang Lee's dramatic film ‘Life of Pi' (2012) captures the idea of discovering hidden abilities whilst also drawing focus to the will to live. Sylvia Plath's 1962 poem ‘Cut’, focuses on the assertion of abilities, justifying its process of discovery whilst commenting on the symbolic subject of mortality. Both texts personas feature transformations where they uncover hidden agendas and reconsider what was lost and now found.
MOD A:
Morals are distinctive qualities which every human possess, but how an individual chooses to action their moral duties, forms their character. This sense of moral judgment is seen in William Shakespeare’s 1599 play, ‘Julius Caesar’ as it forges the perception of good versus evil as it uses the historical concept of Roman monarch, Julius Caesar, with the playwrights own political context involving the queens instability from not having a clear successor. Throughout the play, the evident power struggle between good and evil persists through the concept of morality and more importantly persuasion. Correlated to the belief in how characters are vehicles for the struggle between good and evil morality, the concept of fate opposed to fortune is explored in political treatise ‘The Prince’ , written by Niccolo Machiavelli in 1509 as he incorporates historical events to justify the concepts put forward to assist a monarch in running a perfect kingdom. As both texts compare relating identities of morals, the judgment of characters being righteous or dishonourable must be addressed as they are explored in depth.
MOD B:
Dilemmas are problems needing to be explored in various ways to tackle and surpass their boundaries until they are finally exploited. Poems ‘Goblin Market’ (1862) and ‘In an Artist's Studio’ (1896) discretely communicate personal ideology on religious aspects whilst referring to women and femininity in the nineteenth century. Whilst these themes are common in her poetry it is noticeable on how she gives voice to any person inclined to the same values. Rossetti is acclaimed for her poetry opposing social ideals of her context giving voice to women to exceed social prospects.
MOD C:
Control is seen to be the ultimate goal for people involved in Politics as they strive to isolate and secularise people into believing in their ideas. This idea is shown through the futuristic dystopian novel, ‘Brave New World’ (1932) written by Aldous Huxley, influenced by parts of his personal context whilst connecting those to the ideas of control and isolation. ‘Blade Runner’ (1981) a neo-neir futuristic film directed by Ridley Scott also possessing dystopian qualities proves how control can isolate a human being into thinking morally corrupt actions for an organisation. Both texts highlight satirical techniques which show the powerful and complex relationship between people and politics especially the way each individual effects their political system and hierarchy.
Hey guys,
Just wondering if this line of my thesis makes sense? It sounds kind of wrong to me but i dont really know how to fix it haha any feedback would be appreciated thank you! (:
"The complex process of discovery is often a transformative experience for individuals that can stimulate new notions about one’s self and others."
Hi, could somebody please give me some feedback on my thesis/intro for mod c people and politics, thanks!
Texts are subjective constructions which represent a composer’s personal perspective on political ideologies or agendas, reflecting their specific contextual concerns. Composers select the textual form which most effectively conveys their perspectives and ideas. The repercussions of such political agendas and ideologies are evident in the implementation of power and control which may result in corrosion of humanity. WH Auden’s poems “The Unknown Citizen”, “September 1st 1939” respond to the outbreak of war and totalitarian governments respectively whilst Mira Nair’s film ‘The Reluctant Fundamentalist’ provides a non-western perspective post 9/11. Both composers effectively explore these ideas whilst responding to their respective contexts, illustrating the influence of political agendas and events on cultural paradigms and portraying the dehumanising nature of despotic political agendas.
Welcome to the forums Nancy! Some comments:
- Fantastic first sentence, nicely conceptual, fairly broad too to hit a variety of questions. Nicely done
- Good introduction of texts and subsequent link to the modules
- Excellent links to the idea of 'didactic' texts, warning for audiences, etc
In fact, I have nothing bad to say about this intro. If you add a sentence after your first to specifically respond/add extra detail for the question, then you have a winner! Great stuff ;D
Hey hey! Sure thang:
- Fabulous first sentence, links to module excellently
- Perhaps link form to the historical context (Shakespeare can't make a movie right)?
- The concept feels a little rushed in the middle there, give it a little more time
- Great textual introductions and links
- Perhaps some more specific discussion of representation to properly link to the Module :)
Great stuff!!
i was wondering if i could get some feedback on my AOS introduction.
- First sentence has a tiny bit too much going on at once, perhaps split into two sentences, just to really give clarity to the ideas
- Good linking of texts to the idea of Discovery
- Not really getting a single clear idea/Thesis, really accentuate the hidden abilities and how it relates to Discovery
- Good conceptual start
- A little too much plot/context detail in introducing Shakespeare; try and get it done with less words
- Conceptual links to the Prince aren't overly clear
- Be sure to stress the comparative element of Module A
- First sentence isn't really clicking for me at the moment, perhaps play with expression
- What are these personal ideologies?
- Third sentence, not quite seeing the purpose of that
- This introduction needs more depth; try to include the idea of textual integrity to connect with the Module
- Good conceptual start
- Good introduction of texts
- Ensure your Thesis is sustained; Control isn't mentioned in the last sentence
- Be sure to link to the idea of representation explicitly to address the Module aims
Aha thanks Jamon <3 Didnt even realise this posted because my laptop Died :P Will take your advice onboard. Do you have any tips for remembering whole essays? I just need to remember my Creative and AOS essay for Thursday so I just keep reading and reading. Will I eventually memorise it by doing this?
Hi, I'm working on my AOS essay and just looking to improve it further - open to all suggestions :)
Thanks guys, not sure how well it flows, but I know it can be better.
Also I'm not exactly sure how to introduce the texts across all essays besides just stating the text and author and what they discover
Hey Jamon!
Was just wondering if you could please help me out here... I'm desperately trying to think of ideas with which I can structure my paragraphs for the AOS Essay. My main argument is that regardless of the nature of discovery, they will only ever be meaningful/significant if they precipitate change within an individual and their outlook. But ideas for topic sentence starters? The only thing I've been able to come up with so far is I could do one paragraph on how 'planned' discoveries evoke change and another on how 'unexpected' discoveries also transform the individual but I need a third idea??? arrrghhh! :-\ + I don't really like the planned/unexpected idea...
I'm struggling with this questions 'sense of self' aspect because my essay focuses on how individuals values are changed by discoveries. How could I better link these?
Aha thanks Jamon <3 Didnt even realise this posted because my laptop Died :P Will take your advice onboard. Do you have any tips for remembering whole essays? I just need to remember my Creative and AOS essay for Thursday so I just keep reading and reading. Will I eventually memorise it by doing this?
Hey guys,
Can someone please, please, please have a look at my introduction for Module B.
This is my worst one and I'm not sure how to prepare for Hamlet since the questions are so diverse; should I prepare an essay for it?
I'm not sure how I would adapt this introduction to different questions; any help is appreciated!!
Thank you again :D :D
Usually for my thesis, i just kind of reword the question so im sure im asnwering it?I personally avoided those really high modality words because my approach was usually discussion like in its nature, so I opted for low modality a lot of the time.
is that ok? i sometimes put in some high modality words like "certain" "no doubt"
Hi, this is my module C introduction any feedback would be greatly appreciated about whether it makes sense or suggestions anything to include/change. (I always struggle with this module!)
Hey Nancy! I definitely can! ;D
The connection of humanity with the natural world is inevitable, thus the ramifications of this relationship can be mutually beneficial or ensue destructive habits. This is cool! A tad simple, but that makes this easily adaptable to questions, so nicely done there. Whilst humans can display inherent desire to ensure nature's sacred presence in their lives, human progression has deemed mankind's interactions with environments to be destructive. Very cool! I've not seen this style of argument presented here much; very unique! This contrasting behaviour toward real, remembered and imagined landscapes are examined skillfully within Judith Wright's poems, 'Train Journey," "Brothers and Sisters" and "Flame Tree In A Quarry," and David Scharf's short film, "The Forrest' (2008). Be sure to properly explain the idea of how real remembered and imagined landscapes actually links to your ideas and texts. The aforementioned texts reveal natures ability to renew itself and prevail in harsh conditions, enabling responders to realise humans strong dependence on their landscapes. Excellent concluding sentence!
I think this works well nancy! Definitely makes sense, I'd like some extra details where I've indicated, but on the whole I really like this! Great work ;D
Thanks Jamon! I'll defintely make sure to work on integrating the connection to real remembered and imagined landscapes! Do you happen to have any suggestions on how to do this without making the introduction too long?
Thanks! :)
Hey that was an awesoooome idea Jamon! ;D thnx.. I just changed the unwanted/wanted idea to suit my texts. See what you think... hopefully it works ::)
The only thing i'm worried about is Paragraph Three - do you know 'The Door' poem by Miroslav Holub? I don't think it really fits the idea of that paragraph... unless u think so? I could find another related text of otherwise just scrap that para and add more to the others?
Thanks so so much for solving all my endless problems. I don't what i'd do without these forums!! :o :D
Unfortunately I didn't study People and Landscapes, so my suggestions are limited, but you'd only need a sentence explaining WHY you are using those terms. They sort of appear out of nowhere. Perhaps discuss how the progression of mankind makes most relationships with nature 'remembered landscape relationships?' Not 100% sure ;D
Hi, this is my module C introduction any feedback would be greatly appreciated about whether it makes sense or suggestions anything to include/change. (I always struggle with this module!)
The connection of humanity with the natural world is inevitable, thus the ramifications of this relationship can be mutually beneficial or ensue destructive habits. Whilst humans can display inherent desire to ensure nature's sacred presence in their lives, human progression has deemed mankind's interactions with environments to be destructive. This contrasting behaviour toward real, remembered and imagined landscapes are examined skillfully within Judith Wright's poems, 'Train Journey," "Brothers and Sisters" and "Flame Tree In A Quarry," and David Scharf's short film, "The Forrest' (2008). The aforementioned texts reveal natures ability to renew itself and prevail in harsh conditions, enabling responders to realise humans strong dependence on their landscapes.
Hey nancy!
As a HSC student doing People and Landscapes (doing non fiction, not poetry but still) I think this is awesome!
I love that final sentence in particular. That is the nuts and bolts of Module C and you have it expertly nailed it down to a T.
I also am a big fan of how you have contrasted the destructive power of humanity vs te restorative power of nature. This is a really nice connection you have made to the module.
Keep it up, this is awesome!! Best of luck for tomorrow and friday, and with theses (thesises?) like thesewho needs anemones ;DI'm sure youll completely ace the exams.
Hey, thank you for that feedback I really appreciate it! Goodluck with your english exams also (and all your other exams), hope you smash it! :)Thats completely okay and thanks for that :D
Hi there!
I was wondering, does my thesis in my intro/conclusion below work? And does it make sense? :o And how could I mould the question into it? :-\
Being confronted by others around us and challenged by our actions, makes us reflect on our past, allowing us to reconsider our prior knowledge and changing our actions, thoughts and perceptions of our previously held beliefs and assumptions, as evident in Shakespeare’s 1611 play The Tempest. On the other hand, Plath’s 1965 poem Ariel shows that being confronted by the impermanence of human life makes us reflect on our life and the reasons for why we want to live. In this way, confronting discoveries broadens and deepens our understanding of ourselves and the world around us, stimulating change and progress.
Thank you in advance!
Hi there!
I was wondering, does my thesis in my intro/conclusion below work? And does it make sense? :o And how could I mould the question into it? :-\
Thank you in advance!
Currently have an essay due soon, tell me what you think ;)
Hi, just wondering if I could get some feedback on this thesis for my AOS essay on Go back to where you came from and Barn owl. The essay question/statement is: "Experiencing discoveries through text can be confronting, yet ultimately transformative for the responder."
My thesis in response to this is: Experiencing Discoveries through texts can be confronting for the responder therefore promoting a shift from our widely-held assumptions or attitudes towards a greater understanding.
Thank you!
Was just wondering what some good practise essay questions are?
Hi all, I'm new to atar notes so I'm not really sure how this works but I was hoping to get some feedback on my thesis/introduction for my AOS essay (The Tempest and Father & Child) :-)
Ok so here's my situation.
For an assignment, my class was assigned to write an essay on 'how 'Away' by Michael Gow and your related text explore the concept of discovery', and i have chosen the picture book 'Tales from Outer Suburbia' by Shaun Tan as my related text. Post analysis, i find my self in a difficult situation to construct a cohesive yet effective thesis based off of both texts. Both texts are set in suburban Australia where in 'Away' we look into the differing families, their individual problems and contrasting socio economic class. On the other hand, 'Tales from Outer Suburbia' consists of 15 tales (all of different suburban houses/families) which explores the lack of individuality or social indifferences and the absurdity of society. Haha, sorry that i ahve to explain XD
Anyways, i am looking to make a thesis based off of starting a starting statement such as:
'Without self control, even the greatest minds will find difficulty in making a discovery'
Or something in general which discusses the importance of self discovery and a sense of individuality or purpose.
Thanks for your time in advance and i appreciate all feedback :)
Cheers
I think it will be beneficial for you to step away from trying to come up with a Thesis statement, since it sounds like you are still a little unsure about what your actual idea will be. Like, a Thesis is a single sentence statement of your idea. The idea needs to be clear first. Right now it sounds like you've got ideas on self control, societal class, individuality/conformity, purpose... I'm not sensing a clear direction yet. Which of course is part of the issue you are having, but I think you will make it easier for yourself by stepping away from actually writing the essay for a bit. Forget the Thesis!
Try just grabbing a friend (even us, though typing is harder than talking) and just saying, "Yo, this is what I want to talk about." Record yourself doing it, literally ramble about it for 5 minutes into a recorder. Then listen back and try and grab snippets - Key words and phrases - See if they help you piece together exactly what your idea will be. It might be an idea that takes you 5 sentences to explain, but you need that version of your Thesis first. Idea before Thesis :)
Does this help at all? I do want to help you construct a nicely cohesive and effective Thesis. But you've got a lot of ideas floating around up there - I think you need to filter them a little ;D
Thanks for your feedback, you definetely had some good points. In response to your statement about how i need to filter my ideas, i wish to construct a thesis on ONE of them, and they are the options i have that my thesis will revolve around.
Hi, I was wondering if there was a specific technique for a hand held camera on the spot interview like in Go BackI'm not 100% sure if this is correct, but I did the documentary An Idiot Abroad as a related text and I referred to this situation as "Actuality". This means the use of raw, unedited footage, which is what I'm getting from your description of an on the spot interview (interview in it's self i'd assume would be considered a technique also).
I'm not 100% sure if this is correct, but I did the documentary An Idiot Abroad as a related text and I referred to this situation as "Actuality". This means the use of raw, unedited footage, which is what I'm getting from your description of an on the spot interview (interview in it's self i'd assume would be considered a technique also).
Hi, I was wondering if there was a specific technique for a hand held camera on the spot interview like in Go Back
I get quite confused with thesis statements and topic sentences. Say the essay Question was "curiosity is a catalyst for discovery". Is basically a thesis statement, "why" curiosity is a catalyst for discovery and is a topic sentence basically the consequences of curiosity as a catalyst for discovery? Im sort of confused....
Yes, thats it! I would then specify the 'consequences' with other dot points from the discovery rubric. This way, you are always appealing to the module focus.
Thanks
Is it the exact same for Module A, B and C
Pretty much! Establish your idea then address the module focus (For Advanced Module A - That's differences in context, for example) :)
Thank you again, I really appreciate all this help
how do i make a thesis if the essay question is a question such as How do the texts you have studied represent the ways the experience of
discovery often reveals hidden or concealed aspects of self-identity? or a "to what extent question" such as "The context of individuals significantly shapes their process of discovery and the discoveries themselves.’ To what extent does your prescribed text and at least ONE text of your own choosing support this view?"
I cant really really say "why" this is the case since they are questions which are open to interpretation so...
Hey guys! For 'moral depravity', i was told in my essay that that would be considered too extreme to describe the chaarcters moral. What should I write instead to show this but in a lighter way? Thanks :)
Hi!
I've made a thesis statemtn and adapted it to a few questions. Could you please check them? Thanksss :)
Hey guys!
I've written this assumption:
"How the confrontation of death results in discovery that is transformative in nature."
Would it then be suitable to say later in the paragraph that the protagonist has undergone "profound emotional discovery" or is that not enough to link to the transformative nature of discovery mentioned in my assumption? How could I modify this?
Thanks!
Hey guys! I have an examtomorrowtoday and we were given two potential questions. I didn't want to waste my time preparing full essay responses for both, so originally I was just going to map out an essay plan for each one, but I think I might have found a way to create a thesis statement that covers both, and I was hoping someone would be able to check it for me! :)
Hey aj! So I'd say that it's not quite enough - You need to look at HOW the individual has transformed. What perspectives have been altered and how? Because if you are saying that Discovery is transformative, you can't just say "emotional discovery" and have that encapsulate the transformation you are considering. So you need to consider WAYS the protagonist is transformed. Hope that is helpful? ☺
Thanks for the feedback Jamon!
Not sure if you've answered this question already but do you guys have a list of synonyms for 'discovery' (other than thesaurus.com) here?
Hey Steph! I hope you read this before your exam today/tomorrow, but I think this is great! Your Thesis is saying that the impact of Discoveries can be linked to a change in perspective - I think this covers both quite nicely. Don't be afraid to adapt the wording once you know the question on the day to REALLY hone in on what is being asked! ☺
Thank you! I had my exam this morning and I did end up catering more specifically to the question (:
Awesome to hear! Feeling confident? ;D
I managed to get more down than I was expecting to, so hoping for the best haha
Thanks for the feedback Jamon!
Not sure if you've answered this question already but do you guys have a list of synonyms for 'discovery' (other than thesaurus.com) here?
hi
just a quick question,
for our half yearlies, we have been given 3 possible questions they might ask us
do you recommend writing up a thesis statement for all three of them and memorise the body?
or just memorise body and write up thesis statements during the exam?
or even topic sentences for each paragraph,
or do you recommend any other good strategies
sorry one more question,
do you recommend writing out paragraphs according to themes or text?
ie. intro text1 text 2 text1 text 2 conc
or intro theme 1 theme 2 conc
Hey, my question is somewhat a continuation from the last question.
We've been given 3 possible questions for the AOS essay. Each question is more or less two-fold. For example, option 1 states,
"Discovery may emerge from a deliberate course of action or it may be an unexpected outcome, taking the individual by surprise.
To what extent do the texts you have studied support this observation?"
All questions feature two halfs to it like the one above. How would I go about answering this? Apparently I choose one half of the question to discuss, and only focus on that. So what's the best way to tackle this?
Thanks!
Hey Hanaacdr! Very much a personal strategy there - Since you've been given three questions, it would be good to have at least a rough idea of how you'd respond to all of them. So at a bare minimum, perhaps memorise an essay plan for each question. That would be a Thesis, topic sentences, and what quotes go in which paragraph (or something similar to that). Basically, just a map of what your response will be, without actually writing it. That seems like the most efficient way to do it in my opinion ;D of course you might want to memorise more than that, and that is cool, you might want to give this article a read, Elyse's tips on memorising essays!
On your second question - Writing "Text by Text" is called a non-integrated response. Writing by theme is an integrated response. In general, either works and it depends on your preference, but I personally prefer integrated responses, and I do notice a slight tendency for integrated responses to be more effective than their non integrated counterparts :)
Hey guys, one of the three possible essay questions we'll receive in the half yearly AOS exam is "discovery can transform the individual by stimulating new ideas..."
Would I be able to talk about how discovery can lead to the creation of new ideas and perceptions regarding humanity's actions in relation to the environment? From there, I would probably discuss the inconsiderate nature of the human species.
Would I be answering the question, or derailing too far from it?
Thanks for the feedback, Jamon! In that case, I'll try and focus on how discovery stimulates new ideas of the future (i.e. what happens next) in relation to present actions. Would that be more relevant to discovery?
One of our other essay options is about future possibilities, so this could potentially work for either question.
Thanks again!
Hey guys! Would love to get your input on my intro for these potential half yearly questions!! ;D I'm trying to make them adaptable as possible so any feedback is welcomed. Cheers :)
Hey Snew, I've just come back online after a weekend off, I hope this isn't too late!
Love both of these, you've definitely got this sailing down the right route. Beware of long sentences that detract from the ideas. If your sentence is more complicated than your ideas, then it isn't worth it!
How can we blame you?! ;) I hope your having an amazing time in Venice, I did a student exchange to Colorado for six months which was amazing but man.... Europe, so jealous :P
Thankyou! Your input with english is so appreciated, I have a teacher who refuses to mark any essays so even just knowing I'm on the right track helps me to chill :) so thankful for ATAR Notes!!!
Mod Edit: Added quote marks ;D
Having slight trouble writing the creative for discovery... i had written one previously, but, i didnt really like it. I'm struggling with trying to get ideas as for another AOS creative! Help :(
Hello, can someone please tell me what this question is asking ?
The process and consequences of discovery are complex and challenging; especially when they are contingent on the mindset of the individual.’
Thank you.
Hey guys, would anyone be willing to check my thesis statement for this question?
"To what extent do the texts you have studied reveal both the emotional and intellectual responses provoked by the experience of discovering?"
THANK YOU!
I was wondering if it's okay for the thesis to be a few sentences long? someone who state ranked told me recently told me that their theses were 2-3 sentences long and in general they had very long introductions. Would you reccomend this ? (for adv eng + ext 1)
I'm certainly not Elyse, but my teacher (who had state ranking students) lived by a 14 word thesis. Obviously take it with a grain of salt, 15 words is okay but a thesis 40 words long? That may require some tweaking :)
Hope this helps and best of luck :D
I was wondering if it's okay for the thesis to be a few sentences long? someone who state ranked told me recently told me that their theses were 2-3 sentences long and in general they had very long introductions. Would you reccomend this ? (for adv eng + ext 1)
Hii!! When you guys have a free minute (lectures were awesome!!!) looking at my intro for a discovery question would be very much appreciated :) thankyou!
The process of discovery can be a complex one and can lead to significant change. Discuss this statement with reference to your prescribed text and ONE text of your own choosing.
Hi! could I grab some feedback for my thesis:
Discoveries, driven by curiosity or forced upon them can be so confronting and provocative that they compel people to approach the future with new understanding of the world, including themselves and those around them. “The Tempest” investigates the complex confrontational and moralistic nature of discovery and how it can reform an individual, affecting the way they approach themselves and their communities.
(Not AOS)
Hi Sorry but can anyone give me feedback on my Mod A and Mod C Theses hehe thank you!
Many thanks!
For my Discovery texts I decided that the best link I could draw between them would be a sort of discovery process of investigation. The person in both texts essentially starts off in the "unknown", progresses into the realm of discovery and then the impact of the discovery is elucidated. I thought I'd carry this into the exams so I tried adopting a two-sentence thesis to the 2015 and 2016 questions.
Is there the potential for this method to screw me up for some types of questions? I haven't looked at that many yet. Anything else I could improve regarding the theses?
After the thesis I'd probably introduce the two texts in different sentences and maybe have a shortish sentence after that.
Thanks!
Hey there :) I followed this same kind of path in terms of essay structure when I did my exam! It worked just fine for me, so no criticism there :)
2015 question: The process of discovery involves uncovering what is hidden and reconsidering what is known. How is this perspective on discovery explored in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing?
Thesis: "Coming to new understandings about our world involves a deliberate process of uncovering truths whereby we must find what is hidden and reconsider what is known. In doing so, we often come to reconsider our future activities as new light is shed on our surrounding circumstances." I rarely see thesis statements that use the inclusive first person - "we" - I think it works but I'll be interested to know that your teacher agrees just to confirm. It's definitely not a common thing I notice in thesis statements, but I don't see any reason to reject it! Beautifully written thesis statement otherwise.
2016 question: To what extent do the texts you have studied reveal both the emotional and intellectual responses provoked by the experience of discovering? In your response, refer to your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing.
Thesis: "Through deliberate processes of discovery one can uncover fresh perspectives which invoke strong emotional and intellectual responses as we come to new understandings about our world. By the end of the discovery experience, we are often forced to reconsider our future activities, as new light is shed on our surrounding circumstances." I think you limit yourself in determining the "end" of a discovery experience - only because you've mentioned the speculation of future activities, which I think it's best to keep as indeterminable in terms of it's length. Otherwise, I think you've again crafted a very eloquent statement here!
Thanks for the feedback. Did you tend to use "one" rather than "we"? I don't know where I picked that up to be honest so I'll have to check.
As for the future activities part, I included it because I can link it to the impact of discovery in both related texts. Do you mean that it might be limiting if I were to discuss discoveries that were significant for some other reason like a broader impact on society? Is it an OK idea if I'm sure I can craft a final paragraph with just that as a focus?
Hi Elyse,
Could I have some feedback on my thesis?
My writing is poor and I often lack expression issues :/
Could I please have some feedback for an intro I wrote to the 2015 question?
If you can't mark the whole intro, I more than appreciate feedback on just the thesis.
Thanks!!
Hey, could I please get some feedback on this thesis/beginning of my intro? It's in response to a question asking how the prescribed texts influence your understanding of the complexity of reality. Thanks!
The process of discovery involves uncovering what is hidden and reconsidering what is known.
How is this perspective on discovery explored in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing?
The discovery of things that have been lost or concealed has a profound impact on the individuals understanding of self. It is the process of discovering through the intercession of others which positively and meaningfully compels the individual to reassess their understanding of personal motivations and interpersonal connections. I like these first two sentences in isolation. However, I'm not sure how they are linked? They seem very stand alone and I'm not sure how they are related to each other? William Shakespeare's play 'The Tempest' examines the power of forgiveness in enabling individuals to uncover the possibility for freedom; not only for others, but for themselves. Wes Anderson's film 'Moonrise Kingdom' fathers this exploration of discovery as a transformational process, through the protagonists discovery of authentic human connections. Excellent introduction of the texts with links to the themes - This works well. Perhaps "discovery as a transformational process" is a tad vague? The discovery of a concealed capacity to have human relationships leaves individuals with transformed perceptions of 'self' and a renewed identity. Where the Tempest asserts reconsideration to be what uncovers freedom, Moonrise Kingdom proposes freedom as the incisive for revealing fresh understandings of self and world. The first part of that sentence (on the Tempest) doesn't quite make sense.
I like this introduction! A few minor comments throughout but I think it works well ;D
An individual’s reality is a product of their experiences and exposure to society. I'm a little unsure how these two differ, perhaps extrapolate just a tad on these factors? It is through such factors, therefore, that one’s reality is vastly complex and everchanging. Good idea - Some extra detail to bring out the idea more would be beneficial. Notably, the experiences of choice and an individual’s mortality influence the overall complexity of their reality. Not quite sure what you mean by 'experiences of choice,' perhaps even just saying difficult decisions would give more clarity if that is what you mean? One’s exposure to societal views surrounding such issues further influences their lives. I'd conclude with a sentence more closely reflecting the question, purely to hammer home that you've responded to the question :)
Thanks Jamon, what I was trying to say with my two thesesus (thesi?) was this:
The intercession of some other person = DISCOVERY of something concealed or forgotten = allows the individual to reassess their understanding of personal motivations & relationships = DISCOVERY of an understanding of self.
Im just not sure how to make that clear and concise. Also Im not sure how to re-word the last part as what I am trying to say is that Prospero discovers freedom, but THROUGH freedom, the protagonist in MK discovers. Basically in one freedom is the outcome and in the other freedom is the vehicle.
Would this sort of thesis work for most questions If I tweak it like I did with the concealed/lost thing?
Thank you!!
Hello! I tried writing thesis and topic sentences for AOS and the Modules using random questions. Can I please have some feedback?
(Not AOS sorry!)
Could someone provide me with some feedback for my Second Coming (Yeats) theses for Mod B
(I'm really struggling with Mod B on the whole so feedback would be greatly appreciated)
Thanks for the feedback, Jamon! I'll repost my new thesis when I've finished fixing it, but in the meantime, do you mind looking over this one too? Again, I would use this as a topic sentence for one of my discovery paragraphs.
The process of discovery can lead to the realisation of fundamental societal flaws resulting from humanity’s materialistic nature. Consequently, an individual may question the overall impact of such factors on the future of humanity and its occupied environment, or they may instead turn away from materialism and seek the confines of nature to remedy their soul.
Hey guys
last minute help needed
this is my thesis for my transitiosn essay, how it does it sound?
As individuals progess through life, they often need to successfully navigate their way from one challenge to another. this progression not only develops the individual but also pushes individuals towards reconsideration of themselves and others, which leads into growth of the individual
BTW I SMASHED THE CREATIVE AND ESSAY TODAY THANK YOU ELYSE AND JAMON
AND elsye your not gonna believe how close the stimulus was to my creative
thanks guys
Hey guys
last minute help needed
this is my thesis for my transitiosn essay, how it does it sound?
As individuals progess through life, they often need to successfully navigate their way from one challenge to another. this progression not only develops the individual but also pushes individuals towards reconsideration of themselves and others, which leads into growth of the individual
BTW I SMASHED THE CREATIVE AND ESSAY TODAY THANK YOU ELYSE AND JAMON
AND elsye your not gonna believe how close the stimulus was to my creative
thanks guys
I'd probably cut down on the word 'individual'.
Hey guys, just wondering if you could look at this thesis statement for Module A- 1984 & Metroplis.
Thanks heaps
Hi guys! My English Paper 1 trial exam is coming up soon (kill me now please !!!) and I just have a quick question regarding thesis statements. I was wondering if it's okay (or a good idea?) to include in your thesis how themes can act as a vehicle to propel or bring to light a discovery?
For example:
Through the key themes that make up a text, the experience of discovery can be impactful upon an individual and can bring about an emotional or intellectual response.
I'm absolutely rubbish at English and am aiming to go for an essay that is simple in language and gives a straightforward answer to the question, since I tend to babble or add completely irrelevant information in my essays haha, so I was hoping to have a simple thesis statement too.
I like your thinking - and I also like you've identified your weaknesses AND you've made a plan.
I definitely think you can do this, and I in fact really like it. But, unless you are going on to directly identify the key themes next, I think it's better that you identify what they are immediately instead of say "key themes" and risk sounding immediately ambiguous. Does this make sense?
Thanks Elyse! This is the introduction I wrote in response to the 2016 Paper 1 question before I received your reply:
Through the key themes of a text, composers have the ability to reveal both the emotional and intellectual responses that can be provoked by the experience of discovering. Composers use the key themes of a text as a vehicle to reveal these responses that are provoked by discovery. To a great extent, this idea has been conveyed in Rosemary Dobson’s poems Young Girl At A Window and Cock Crow, as well as Tim Winton’s novel That Eye, The Sky, where the authors, through the manipulation of language and use of key themes to the text, are able to reveal the emotional and intellectual responses that can be provoked by the experience of discovering.
I took your advice into account and changed my introduction to this instead, immediately addressing the key themes:
Through the key themes of a text, composers have the ability to reveal both the emotional and intellectual responses that can be provoked by the experience of discovering. To a great extent, this idea has been conveyed in Rosemary Dobson's poems Young Girl At a Window, through the theme of growth, and Cock Crow, through the theme of facing reality. Furthermore, Tim Winton's novel That Eye, The Sky also explores this idea using the themes of grief and maturity. These authors use the manipulation of language and key themes to the text to reveal the emotional and intellectual responses that can be provoked by the experience of discovering.
Would this be enough to not make my introduction sound too ambiguous or loose?
Thanks!
Hey there! Definitely can have a look at this :)
The distinctions and alignments across Fritz Lang’s silent expressionist film Metropolis and George Orwell’s satirical novel, 1984 another comma needed here propose questions of the varying results of resistance against societal pressures, and the catalytic role of totalitarian bodies in the degradation of one’s individuality and expression. So although the ideas here are really good - I think it's too much in one sentence. I'd actually be looking at reversing the order of this, and putting your ideas about themes and expression first, and introducing the texts secondly. This privileges the most important points, afterall, the elements that make your response unique. Everyone will talk about the texts, so put that second. Through the didactic nature of both composers’ texts, audiences in both the present and the future are able to be educated of the progression v projected state Not sure what this means? of humanity’s moral values and hence critically evaluate themselves and their social environment.
I'm fairly certain you've got some excellent ideas here but we need to work a little more to adjust the way these ideas are experienced - so flipping the order at the beginning, but also adjusting the way you express your ideas in the second part there as well. It's easy enough to fix this, just focus on reading it out loud and do what you've already done: ask for an opinion on how it reads. The hard part is done: you've got great ideas! Just the expression now. Feel free to post back once it's been adjusted! :)
Hey again :)
I definitely prefer the second intro to the first. The first one is more ambiguous than the second, and the second definitely works to be far more of a stand out - it's unique! I'm inclined to point out that you've only introduced two ideas from the rubric: emotional and intellectual responses to discoveries. Typically I'd say this isn't enough and there needs to be more fleshed out, but in saying that, I've never before seen an introduction that focuses on themes in discovery before. But, the CSSA paper this year for discovery, although it didn't focus on themes, it shifted the question to make the essay more text-based than concept-based, so I think your essay could be going in the direction that perhaps the markers want to see more of. So I think full speed ahead!
Thank you very much for your feedback! Very useful... I have taken on your advice and would be very appreiciative if you could take a look at the changes.
Again, thanks heaps!
Thank you Elyse!! Gosh I appreciate all you guys so much for helping us out !! I could cry tears of joy to be honest (: Regarding the ideas from the rubric, the 2016 question was: To what extent do the texts you have studied reveal both the emotional and intellectual responses provoked by the experience of discovering? So I just pulled out the section of the rubric that was already in the question! (:
Should I also be adding another section from the rubric into my essay to expand upon the question, or would what the question provided be good enough? Thank you so much again!
Hey!!
Just wondering if this thesis statement makes sense in answer to the question:
"at the heart of representation are acts of deliberate selection and emphasis"
thesis- the intentional choice of particular events and the significant form in which they are stressed, are ultimately political actions that constitute the core of representation. It is evidently the manner in which a situation is represented that determines the impact on individuals and it's significance on the broader society.
thx for your help! sorry just realised this was AOS and i'm talking about mod c (people and politics) :-[ :-\ is there somewhere else I can get mod c thesis statements checked??
Totally fine for you to put this here! :)
The ideas in your statement here are perfect - very clear and sophisticated. but, by the end of your first sentence I'm struggling to grasp everything. I noticed I was slowly down my reading and really focusing on each word because as much as I wanted to grasp it all, there's a lot. It's a bit wordy, but also the defining "core of representation" sits at the very end, which is one of the most important things you say, but I'm a bit lost by the time I get to it. You might need to work on culling some words or re-arranging the sentence a bit! :)
Thanks so much Elyse! Really appreciate your help ;D
is this a little clearer??? The core of representation is constituted by the intentional choice of information and the form in which they are stressed. It is evidently the manner in which a situation is represented that determines the impact on individuals and its significance in broader society.
I'm just a bit stuck on what sort of topic sentences I can get from this??Any ideas? ;D
thx again :)
SO much better! Love this!Thanks soooo much Elyse! ;D
It really depends where you want to go in terms of topic sentences. Some people will talk about the reciprocal nature of politics between people in power and the powerless. Some people will talk about the yearn and quest for power, and some people will explore the way the attainment of power is viewed differently by different people.
Thanks soooo much Elyse! ;D
Really, really helpful- hopefully I can use some of the ideas from those topic sentences :D
So glad! You might also benefit from checking out the Advanced essay marking thread to find some other Module C essays for inspiration :)
Hey there!
Through the didactic nature of both composers’ texts, audiences in both the present and the future are able to be educated of the progression and projected state of humanity’s moral values. Thus being able to critically evaluate themselves and their social environment. The distinctions and alignments across Fritz Lang’s silent expressionist film Metropolis and George Orwell’s satirical novel, 1984, propose questions of the varying results of resistance against societal pressures. While also exploring how oppressive capitalist plutocracies can abuse and dictate individual freedoms.
Firstly, I'd suggest changing "in both the present and the future" to "audiences from the time of the texts creation, and audiences beyond, are able.." or something that changes "present and future" because it sounds simple, but it also ignores the time before the present where the texts were received. Secondly, I'll suggest nominalisation for the "to be educated." You might already know so please excuse me if I'm repeating something, but nominalisation is basically changing the verb to the noun form. So I'd say, "are able to gain education about.." so "educated" becomes 'education" which sounds more sophisticated. Lastly, "Thus, audiences are able to..." sounds better :)
So your ideas are there, just expression things :)
Hi, Can I please get some feedback on my thesis?Hey there! LOVE that you're using the AN trial :)
Question from AN Trial: Different discoveries may have similarities, but the ramifications will always vary. To what extent is this statement true in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing?
Thesis: Many discoveries will be vastly different, being achieved through various means, but their consequences always leave a considerable impact on an individual's psyche.
Usually, I don't go against the question but for this instance, it works better with the textual evidence I have.
Thank you very much!!!
Question: To what extent do the texts you have studied reveal the way that discoveries can lead us to reassess values and see the world in new ways?
Thesis: The powerful nature of discovery establishes a profound change and reassessment of values within the individual. Moreover, the values they possess are not static, but rather transformed through new perspectives and ideas.
Any feedback is appreciated, thanks!
Hey
I have been struggling to construct some really strong ideas for discovery and would like any more input as possible. For reference, I am using the Life of Pi as my prescribed text and Ozymandias as my related. Here is what i have so far:
Thank you so much
Emily
I'd really really appreciate feedback for my thesis statement and if possible, the rest of my intro.
Thanks!!
QUESTION:
‘Discoveries inevitably lead to new perceptions of the world, new values and new understandings of ourselves and others.'
To what extent is this view represented by your prescribed text and ONE related text?
THESIS:
The nature of discovery is inevitably transformative, challenging the individual to adopt new perceptions of the world and renewed insights into themselves and others. Nice! Long, but nice. Any longer and it would be a problem, but this is just enough I think.
REST OF INTRO:
To a very large extent, Shakespeare’s play ‘The Tempest’ and Wes Anderson’s 2012 film ‘Moonrise Kingdom’ align with the view that discoveries are inevitably transformative. They engage with this view through representations of re-discovered meaning and spiritually and emotionally significant discoveries. However, the transformative power of discovery is only inevitable to the extent that the individual tests conflicting values and confronting perceptions of the world against their own understandings. Only then is transformation an inevitable outcome of discovery.
"To a very large extent" doesn't sit well with me, and it's the use of large. To a GREAT extent is probably a better measurement of size. Great has connotations of significance, and large has connotations of physical size. I'd also not say "inevitably transformative" again when introducing the texts after it's in your thesis, just because I think you can be more creative with wording and flesh out new terms to explore in the essay. As I continue reading, we use "inevitable" twice more and it becomes extremely prominent. Perhaps inexorable, inescapable, undeniable, irrevocable...these words might be useful to change it up. Otherwise, great intro!
Hey there!
1. The evolution of human identity is determined by the individual response to an environment in which provokes unfamiliar experiences.
- needs to be a willingness
So with this one here, it's all great until we get to "in which" which is a funny little thing students use (I'm guilty as charged) when in reality we could just write "which' or "that" I'm not sure how you're hoping to incorporate the willingness part at the end, this could be a statement on its own?
2. The reinterpretation of a discovery confronts initial perspectives allowing the construction of a new truth for the receptive individual.
- power of story-telling, re-shape identity through narrative
I reallllly like the idea of constructing a new truth. That's great!
3. There is a requirement of a discovery in order to develop human insight.
The modality in this is high, which is fine of course, but it's also a short sentence. So it's a very powerful sentence and doesn't have a lot of immediate scope. So you'd need to be following this up with a sentence to tease it out and lead into how this is expressed in your texts, and probably here you'll lower the modality to allow a contrasting discussion about each of your texts. These are great ideas!
OMG THIS IS AMAZING WHEN DID THIS GET HERE
Hi All,
Im having trouble coming up with two diffrent sub thesis statments for my discovery essay
Im studying the tempest for discovery and previosuly i would do a sub thesis along the lines of " An individuals preconceptions and personal context places them into Discovery" and " Discvoereys can be signginfacnlty impactufull on ones identity'' but i felt like i was only half of my essay would really be answering any essay question for example " to what extent do discoveires allow for new values" where only my second thesis would be really releventt to the question.
does anyone have any ideas or examples on two diffrent sub thesis that i can use that both answer a question like the one above but still talk about diffrenet elements of the text without overlap
Thanks for your help
does anyone have any ideas for a thesis statement for mod b - curious incident of the dog in the night time?
i got a really shit feedback for that essay saying that my thesis was really bad
help!!!!
What's your existing thesis? I might be able to work on that with you!
Hiive heard that the thesis should always be short and sharp, this does seem a bit too long tbh
If it doesn't cost any posts for thesis feedback, could you please help with my thesis for mod b standard (curious incident)? My teacher said this was too long, and I've always struggled with mod b - should my thesis be focused on the author's purpose?
In the curious incident of the dog in the night-time, a hybridized murder mystery and bildungsroman novel narrated in first-person perspective by protagonist Christopher Boone, Mark Haddon invites readers into Christopher's experiences with the struggle to maturity, thereby celebrating individual's bravery to confront the limitations that life has imposed on them. Haddon brings the idea of embracing who we are an the world around us to life by allowing readers to see the beauty of mathematics and astronomy through Christopher's eyes, and notice how a world that initially may seem defined by constriction and deficit is full of wonder. Haddon extends this idea through Christopher's challenges to accept his father who broke his trust and navigate the chaotic world on his journey to London.
My current thesis isnt even a proper thesis tbh, i was rushing and i couldnt think of anything so i just used a quote to open my intro
it was " “Every important text challenges the reader with complex ideas and uses appropriate language to express them.”
i knew it was a mistake but i still did it, learnt the hard way i guess:(
Mod Edit: Fixed quote :)
Hi
If it doesn't cost any posts for thesis feedback, could you please help with my thesis for mod b standard (curious incident)? My teacher said this was too long, and I've always struggled with mod b - should my thesis be focused on the author's purpose?
In the curious incident of the dog in the night-time, a hybridized murder mystery and bildungsroman novel narrated in first-person perspective by protagonist Christopher Boone, Mark Haddon invites readers into Christopher's experiences with the struggle to maturity, thereby celebrating individual's bravery to confront the limitations that life has imposed on them. Haddon brings the idea of embracing who we are an the world around us to life by allowing readers to see the beauty of mathematics and astronomy through Christopher's eyes, and notice how a world that initially may seem defined by constriction and deficit is full of wonder. Haddon extends this idea through Christopher's challenges to accept his father who broke his trust and navigate the chaotic world on his journey to London.
We should create a thesis that is inspired by the rubric and also relates to your texts (prescribed and related) so that we can engage with them from early on. Have a look at this guide to get you started and inspired. When you're putting words together I'll happily help out with the wording and structure :)whoops, I somehow equated thesis to intro. but yeah, that's pretty much my intro, do you think I have to add anything more to that? thanks for the advice!
Your first sentence is very long. I'd also swap the syntax so that you are privileging the themes of the maturity and struggle, because at the moment it sits at the end as a bit of an "after thought" at the end of a very long sentence so we don't really digest it the way I'd love to. I wouldn't say your entire thing is a thesis though, it seems like a full introduction. Are you adding more to this to make it an introduction or leaving it as is? :)
Hey guys,
Since it is recommended to have at least two creative writing stories
Just wondering, but who recommended you to have 2 creatives? Is it so that you can cover as much of the syllabus as you can? (just writing 1 took me ages, if it's recommended to write 2 I'm screwed)im pretty sure they mean to have 2 creatives so you can choose the one that is more compatible with the stimulus, because ik theres no way they would ask us to write 2 in 40 minutes
Is it a good idea to use high modality in thesis statements when saying something that may not be all-encompassing?
For example:
Discovery can be an investigative or analytical quest, whereby we venture beyond the relative normality of our current context to uncover renewed understandings of our wider world.
OR
Discovery is ultimately an investigative or analytical quest, whereby we venture beyond the relative normality of our current context to uncover renewed understandings of our wider world.
The first one sounds better imo but I feel I need to have a certain tone in thesis statements. Which is best?
Thanks!
Tbh, both of them sound good. I know some markers don't like you being very definite like that though-my teacher has marked AOS and prefers us to use terms like "often" to not make it seem like the be all or end all. So in that case, the first one is probably better. However, I think the second one does have a nice tone to it :)
Is it a good idea to use high modality in thesis statements when saying something that may not be all-encompassing?
For example:
Discovery can be an investigative or analytical quest, whereby we venture beyond the relative normality of our current context to uncover renewed understandings of our wider world.
OR
Discovery is ultimately an investigative or analytical quest, whereby we venture beyond the relative normality of our current context to uncover renewed understandings of our wider world.
The first one sounds better imo but I feel I need to have a certain tone in thesis statements. Which is best?
Thanks!
Thanks!
Think I'll use the second one, "ultimately" sounds definite/confidence while lowering the modality just a touch from like "Discovery is an analytical or investigative..."
It does, but make sure in the exam, you don't be too broad and answer the question which I'm sure you'll do :)does anyone do Curious Incident of the Dog in the night-time for mod b, if yes please give me ideas for a thesis, im struggling
does anyone do Curious Incident of the Dog in the night-time for mod b, if yes please give me ideas for a thesis, im struggling
my thesis was so bad for the trials that my essay got such a shit mark:(
I think this should also be in the Standard course thread not AOS.
my bad i thought that cos its thesis statement feedback and discussion thread that you could post module thesis thingys here too lol
This primarily depends on what the question asks you to do.ohhhhh yeah i think im getting the idea as to what i have to do, before i was like where do i even start ahha thanks :)
For my trial I practiced two different papers. The first question asked something about exploring the ideas about difference in the world. The second question asked something about the importance of truth in relationships.
E.g. (Q1) Novelists reveal the truth, adversities and experiences of those considered different in society.
(Q2) Dishonesty creates conflict within relationships because it undermines trust.
I think this should also be in the Standard course thread not AOS.
‘An individual’s discovery shapes the way they understand themselves and the world around them.’ How is this view represented in your prescribed text, and ONE other related text of your own choosing?
At its core, discovery is the transformative journey concerning the acquisition of greater knowledge which shapes a new perspective. Discoveries can affirm or confront, but ultimately, all discoveries are concerned with the individuals’ relationship with one’s self and their role within wider society.
Just some small comments:
- "affirm or confront" what do discoveries affirm or confront? Beliefs? Perspectives? etc
- maybe instead of saying "greater knowledge" you can say different perspectives or something similar because it might not be better knowledge they gain but they can see new perspectives etec
- Instead of "all discoveries are concerned" I think it's recommended to use "discoveries may be concerned" because it's slightly incorrect to say ALL discoveries do something
“Discoveries affirm or challenge society’s assumptions and beliefs about aspects of human experience.”
How does this quote represent your own understanding of discovery?
Whether a product of new realisations or a reconnection with the old, discoveries are ultimately the results of the intrinsic human need to understand our identity and world.
Seems good but you haven't addressed the part about affirming or challenging society's assumptions and human experience so probably include a second sentence addressing the question.
From Emily's lecture I recommend the first sentence to answer the question then second sentence to include your own insights.
So if I did it a generic statement first and then answered the question in the second sentence it would be considered bad?
How about this:
Developed by a subversion of societal norms, the transformative process of discovery often challenges existing perspectives and stimulates fresh beliefs of human existence. Whether a product of new realisations or a reconnection with the old, they are ultimately the result of the intrinsic human need to understand our identity and world.
It wouldn't be bad but the advice from 1st in the state was the one I said. Also that thesis looks much better!
hey does anyone have any predictions for the 2017 area of study essay question?? ;)
Hey guys,
Can I please have some feedback on these discovery theses?
Discovery changes our perception of human nature and the world we live in. To what extent has this been your experience with your core and at least one other related text.
1. To a great extent, discoveries can challenge our perspectives of ourselves and others, emphasised by the historical and social context of both texts.
2. Discoveries can challenge our widely held beliefs and values of the world and those around us to a great extent due to the unique responses and impacts of individuals.
To discover is to be enlightened. Discuss.
Through the process of discovery, new ideas, values and perspectives may be formed leading to new enlightenment.
Thanks so much! :D
Hey, I love the last one about enlightenment because the stimulation of new ideas, values and perspectives is taking stuff from the rubric which essentially means to be enlightened anyway so great job with that one :)Thanks so much dancing phalanges! Definitely helpful! :D
There is nothing wrong with the 1st one either :) I don't know the texts you are using but obviously you would need to emphasise throughout your essay how their context (social and historical) impact upon perceptions and perspectives of the characters.
The second one - Discoveries can challenge our widely held beliefs and values of the world and those around us to a great extent due to the unique responses and impacts of individuals - I am not too sure about just because firstly since I do not know your texts, I don't know whether they have an emphasis on unique responses to discoveries. Also, I personally don't see much of a link between how discoveries can challenge widely held beliefs and how this is due to the unique responses of individuals. With these sort of questions I personally prefer to use the rubric point on the confronting nature of discoveries and how that challenges widely assumed point of views because provocative discoveries by nature often force us to reconsider our assumptions and reflect upon new ideas that while confronting, may be significant to the individual.
I hope that helps you :)
Hey guys,
Can I please have some feedback on these discovery theses?
Discovery changes our perception of human nature and the world we live in. To what extent has this been your experience with your core and at least one other related text.
1. To a great extent, discoveries can challenge our perspectives of ourselves and others, emphasised by the historical and social context of both texts.
2. Discoveries can challenge our widely held beliefs and values of the world and those around us to a great extent due to the unique responses and impacts of individuals.
To discover is to be enlightened. Discuss.
Through the process of discovery, new ideas, values and perspectives may be formed leading to new enlightenment.
Thanks so much! :D
Hello!
Does anyone mind giving me brief feedback for my introductions on the following questions. One is for AOS, others are for the 3 modules.
Any feedback is greatly appreciated! Thanks in advance.
Hi All,
For a generic discovery essay question i mainly utilise the thesis of
Does anyone have any ideas how i can make these more spohisiticated and original
My prescribed text is " The Tempest"
Thanks for your help it is much appriciated
Hey guys, can I get some feedback on this topic sentence?
The sometimes confronting process of discovery can lead to the realisation of society’s fundamental materialistic flaws. Consequently, an individual’s embracement of materialism can result in questioningsuchThe link here isn't clear. Students use "such" often and it is quite a jarring word. I'm also not sure what you're referring to - embracing materialism leads to questioning embracing materialism, is what you're saying at the moment by using "such" when I think you mean, "can result in questioning the future of humanity and it's occupied environment." impacts on the future of humanity and it’s occupied environment. In contrast, the rejection of materialism may instead result in the individual seeking the confines of nature to remedy their soul. Nice twist of materialism and discovery together!
Hi everyone. If anyone could comment on my introduction for Module C, it will be a big help. Thanks in advance.
'Political motivations may be ambiguous, but control is the ultimate goal.'
does anyone have any thesis ideas for mod b curious incident if the dog in the night time essays
I am having difficulties understanding some parts of the Notes from markers. This is Mod A by the way.
For example, in the candidates should improve in section, it says:
"avoiding a thematic study of the two texts. Comparative study must not simply be seen as thematic study. Textual form and purpose must be integrated"
What does is mean by integrating textual form and purpose? While purpose of the texts may have been shaped due to context, surely they are not expecting a comparative study of two textual forms.
I'm doing 1984 and Metropolis, so if anyone has specific pointers, it would be fantastic.
Hey what do you guys think will be the question for the discovery essay? I should be fine but worried if they try to trick us this year with relationships or something ...My friend thought she found a pattern and predicted that it will be confronting and provocative discoveries but the pattern doesn't actually work so who knows
Hey what do you guys think will be the question for the discovery essay? I should be fine but worried if they try to trick us this year with relationships or something ...
Hi, how do we talk about "ramifications may differ for individuals and their worlds" if there aren't other characters involved in the discovery besides an individual?You can discuss how the experience of discovering may differ between their personal, spiritual, and emotional. You can also connect ideas of transformation between past experiences and their intentional act of discovering, in order to emphasise the significance of discovery. It can be anything from a transient moment of (re)discovery to something that affects the individual later down the road, and facilitates individuals to explore new possibilities of discovery.
Hellop!!The advanced/standard English Question thread would have probably been a better place to post it, but you'll still get a response here :)
Not sure if this is the right place to post this, but does anyone have any tips for a listening task that we have for discovery tomorrow? We get to listen to the text twice, then we have to answer short answer questions, then write an essay on that area of discovery...
Any tips as to how to study for it would be vvv muchly so appreciated :P :)
Thanks once again!!
Aw yep dur me ::)....Yep ok sure. The first time, just listen out for the main ideas in the text; is the discovery positive, negative, thrust upon the character, did they seek it, was it spiritual, physical, intellectual, creative, emotional etc, as you won't be able to remember too many quotes word for word if you can't write at the same time. Another thing to keep in mind, is that you are the only person seeing your actual NOTES (not the essay) so when writing things donw, feel free to replace 'you' with 'u' etc, so you can get as much of the quote written down as possible (just don't do this in your essay obviously ::))
Ok, I'll do that. Nope we have to listen to the text once without writing any notes, then listen again and we can write notes, then we have to answer the questions after that...
Ok, thats a really good idea. I'll have to remember to do that...
Yes well I thought with the essay, if I get a quote word for word I should be able to look the text up...
Ok great thanks soo so much...
Ok yup I will do that... Very good ideas.If you have been given information that the task is about renewed perceptions, then hopefully the text will give you lots of information about that for you to talk about anyway. If you feel the need to study up about them, then by all means do, but just remember that too much will likely leave you stressed, like you haven't got enough time to study it all. Know what I mean? You should focus on the aspects of discovery that jump out at you for your short answer, when is your essay due? Because once you have your essay question, you can then research/study/look at the rubric regarding what aspects of renewed perceptions they want in the essay.
I should've mentioned this before, but we do know roughly what the discovery is; it is about renewed perceptions...
So should I be studying up on renewed perceptions? I have started to write out a bit on what they are etc. but what do you think I should add to my notes??
Thanks soo so much... I would be lost without your help!!
Yep ok, that makes sense...Yep ok awesome, because often the hardest part is starting! So that's good. If you have enough posts, feel free to post it on here for someone to have a look at if you can't get anymore feedback in time - it should get done quickly because the hsc is over and markers aren't so busy!
Yup I definitely know what you mean!!!
Ok, yep I will do that...
Um our essay is due this friday... I have a draft on just the frost part that I handed in, and I have a good teacher who gave a lot of feedback, but now I have to change it, then after tomorrows task, I can add in the source analysis part.... If that makes sense...
Yeh I definitely know what u mean...
Thanks :D
Ahhh its over ;D ;DNo problem! Happy to help! Can you find your text online? If you need help analysing/marking, there are lots of people on here to help you ;)
Thanks heaps for your help!!
Now I just have to add in the parts of the stimulus.. And I will have to remember what you said about not just slapping it in!!
I probably will put it on the marking section cause it would be great to have it checked out...
Yes I can- Its 'Neighbours' by Tim Winton... I found that it was a recommended text for discovery on this site!! Which is good- means that other people have done it before...Wow I'm amazed they gave you a text so well known!
Yup I will definitely put it up on the marking part if I get time!
Yes I know- unfortunately I hadn't looked into prior to the exam!!Is this a thesis or an intro?
I have started to write my thesis properly with this text inserted, would someone mind checking it out??
Edit: Oh hang on- I should put the essay question up here!!
Through the process of discovering, individuals are able to renew their perceptions of the world and others.
Discuss this statement with reference to both the stimulus text and AT LEAST ONE Frost prescribed poem of your own choosing.
The confronting and provocative process of discovery often evolves over time as an individual’s perception of themselves and the world around them is renewed. The extent of the renewal is heavily dependent on the individual’s acceptance of the discovery. The process of discovery and how one’s perceptions change over time is demonstrated in Robert Frost’s poem ‘The Tuft of Flowers’ and Tim Winton’s short story ‘Neighbours’. Frost skilfully uses metaphoric language to demonstrate that we are never alone on our individual journeys, whereas Winton plays with emotional language to convey the young couple’s discovery of the fact that we are all humans, no matter what cultural background we own.
Please just pull it apart- and maybe I need a better technique for Tim Wintons story- if anyone has any ideas please LMK!!!
Thanks heaps....
hi, i need some feedback on my thesis, it's for a speech and the scope is "Ramifications of discovery may differ for individuals and their worlds". i'm saying that they will differ. I have 2 but im not sure which is better.Personally, I like the first one better, but I think it can be tightened. I would do something like this, but it is in no way limited to what's below, and others are more than welcome to put their thoughts forward.
1)The ramifications of discoveries will differ for each individual, as the significance of discoveries is very dependent on one’s values, which can influence the degree of meaningful changes in one’s perception of themselves and their worlds.
2) The process of discoveries can reinforce one's values, and because each individual has different values, the ramifications will differ.
thanks :)
Is this a thesis or an intro?Sorry, sorry, its my intro... Ok righto. So take out the parts about metaphoric and emotional language? I agree its probably doesnt sound very intelligent...
Personally, I don't love putting techniques in an intro, I would prefer you to give a very strong overview of what you are going to talk about throughout the rest of your essay. Use the rubric to pull points out, and really 'show off'. Sure you can introduce your texts, and you have incorporated that well, but in your intro/thesis, you really need to amalgamate your main ideas from your paragraphs in one punchy sentence, that instantly tells the reader/marker you know what you're talking about, and can integrate sophisticated language
Sorry, sorry, its my intro... Ok righto. So take out the parts about metaphoric and emotional language? I agree its probably doesnt sound very intelligent...No that's fine about your intro ;) you have to start somewhere! I would take out the metaphoric and emotional language, and perhaps combine your final two sentences into something like "The process of discovery and how one's perceptions change over time is depicted in both Robert Frost's poem 'The Tuft of Flowers' and Tim Winton's short story 'Neighbours', with both texts exploring discovery as an interconnected concept that is enhanced by our cultural background.
Ok- I will change it around a bit and whack it up here again... \
Thanks heaps once again!!!
No that's fine about your intro ;) you have to start somewhere! I would take out the metaphoric and emotional language, and perhaps combine your final two sentences into something like "The process of discovery and how one's perceptions change over time is depicted in both Robert Frost's poem 'The Tuft of Flowers' and Tim Winton's short story 'Neighbours', with both texts exploring discovery as an interconnected concept that is enhanced by our cultural background.Yup ok- I definitely will then...
Hope this helps :D
Personally, I like the first one better, but I think it can be tightened. I would do something like this, but it is in no way limited to what's below, and others are more than welcome to put their thoughts forward.
An individual's personal values inflict a distinct impact upon the significance of the ramifications of their discoveries, which ultimately impinges upon their perception of themselves and their worlds.
Hi! I'm currently in the process of preparing for a discovery in class essay and I've started an introduction for the following practice essay question :
To what extent are intensely meaningful discoveries evoked by curiosity?
In your response make detailed reference to your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing.
Any feedback would be great, thanks!
Hi can someone help me with forming a thesis on this q please
"Unexpected Discoveries may emerge from a process of planning"
explore this statement in terms of your set text (Dobson) and a text of your choice.
idk if they're talking about a discovery being planned and an unexpected discovery emerging from that, or something else. pl help.
I was thinking of something along the lines of planned discoveries resulting in more unexpected discoveries, compared to an unplanned one, as the individual kinda psychologically immerses themselves to actively discover and seek-- and hence are more likely to make unexpected discoveries.
but how do we deal with the 'may' aspect. do we have to say unexpected discoveries do occur from planning, and then say it doesn't? if we just talked about planning resulting in unexpected discoveries of say one's personality or something non physical like that would that answer the q?
but how do we deal with the 'may' aspect. do we have to say unexpected discoveries do occur from planning, and then say it doesn't? if we just talked about planning resulting in unexpected discoveries of say one's personality or something non physical like that would that answer the q?Jamons pretty much said it!
Hey!
Just wondering if someone could look over my intro and see if it makes any sense...
The confronting and provocative process of a discovery has the potential to transform one’s perception towards human nature and society. The transformative nature of discovery is one that many people fear, and this is demonstrated in the short story by Kate Chopin, ‘The Story of an Hour’, and Robert Frost’s poem, ‘Stopping by the woods on a Snowy Evening’. Both texts explore the personas initial reaction to the discovery, how our relationships change throughout the discovery, and in reflecting back, the contrast of freedom and confinement.
I don't know if it sounds like i'm repeating myself over and over or if it actually makes a bit of sense!
Any help is greatly appreciated!!
Thanks...
Hi,Hey!
when the question asks how accurately a statement reflects the view of discovery you explored in your texts, are you meant to state highly accurately or something like that, or can you just let it be implied.
eg. for the 2017 q, "whether motivated by wonder, curiosity or need, discoveries have the power to be transformative", I was kinda planning on writing about how each of them can lead to diff transformations.. eg. values/ideas/understanding.. but then realised I wasn't really addressing the question. Please helpppp
Hi~I think what your teacher means is that it sounds very vague, very general. To me it sounds like a general thesis you'd develop before seeing a question and THEN slot the question into said thesis, but thats just how it looks to me.
I tried doing a practice essay to the question: THE MAJOR IMPORTANCE OF DISCOVERY IS THE IMPACT ON THE INDIVIDUAL
And my thesis was: The importance of the confronting discovery of a shameful truth about our world and humanity is characterised by the impact upon the individual. Such discoveries are significant as they have the ability to evoke an emotional response and prompt individuals to reconsider one’s perspective on our current world and humanity.
My teacher said it wasn't specific enough, any tips?
For reference, this is the essay, and if you're not busy, could you maybe mark my essay please or give suggestions to build upon my teachers comments? :)
Thank you~~
Hey everyone!
This is my thesis for Stopping by the woods, Tuft of flowers and Witness.
The confronting and provoking nature of discoveries explore multiplicitous ramifications within the individual, causing transformation and change.
Any thoughts of how it can become awesome and mind-blowing would be greatly appreciated :D
(Special thanks to Opengangs for the help and suggestions)
Thank you!
Hi~
I tried doing a practice essay to the question: THE MAJOR IMPORTANCE OF DISCOVERY IS THE IMPACT ON THE INDIVIDUAL
And my thesis was: The importance of the confronting discovery of a shameful truth about our world and humanity is characterised by the impact upon the individual. Such discoveries are significant as they have the ability to evoke an emotional response and prompt individuals to reconsider one’s perspective on our current world and humanity.
My teacher said it wasn't specific enough, any tips?
For reference, this is the essay, and if you're not busy, could you maybe mark my essay please or give suggestions to build upon my teachers comments? :)
Thank you~~
Hi,
when the question asks how accurately a statement reflects the view of discovery you explored in your texts, are you meant to state highly accurately or something like that, or can you just let it be implied.
eg. for the 2017 q, "whether motivated by wonder, curiosity or need, discoveries have the power to be transformative", I was kinda planning on writing about how each of them can lead to diff transformations.. eg. values/ideas/understanding.. but then realised I wasn't really addressing the question. Please helpppp
Hello!Hey there,
I'm analysing The Little Prince as my related text for discovery and I'm trying to find what technique is in this quote, but I can't for the life of me! I don't know if this is the right place to ask but if anyone could help it would be greatly appreciated!
The quote is:
"But it cast a spell over that whole house. My home was hiding a secet in the depths of its heart"
Thank you so much! :) :)
Hey there,
I'm not sure what your analysis is going to be based around, but here is one from the top of my head:
Personification - "My home was hiding a secret"
Hi again!Hey there,
I'm trying to analyse my related text The Little Prince, and I want to talk about the little prince's first time discovery of true friendship. I found these two quotes which I think encapsulate this idea, but I can't really find any techniques or anything to analyse:
"You can only see things clearly with your heart. What is essential is invisible to the eye"
"One only ever understands what one tames. If you want a friend, tame me!"
If any one is able to help it would be greatly appreciated!
Thank you so much :) :)
Hey there,
For the first quote, I think you could definitely discuss the metonymic technique.
For the second quote, you could definitely discuss diction as a stylistic device used by the composer.
Hopefully, these help with your analysis.
Thanks again! :)Hey,
Can I just ask what a metonymic technique is? :)
Hey,
No problem! A metonymy is a figure of speech that essentially replaces the name of an object with something that is closely related. It's typically used in close with symbolism, giving a more profound comparison and meaning to otherwise common objects in everyday life. It draws the reader's attention by giving the text a deeper meaning, and it often improves clarity.
To give you an example, consider this excerpt from William Shakespeare's Julius Caesar.
"Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears."
Instead of directly asking Mark Anthony's people to listen to him, Shakespeare cleverly employs metonymy of the ears to represent the idea of attentive listening.
There are many different examples of metonymy you can find in everyday language.
"The pen is mightier than the sword"
"Let me give you a hand"
If you have any more questions, feel free to reply. I'd be more than happy to address them :)
Thank you, you made that really clear and easy to understand! :)Hey there,
I was also wondering what effect the diction has as a stylistic device? Is that the plosive of the 't' or something else?
Thank you :)
Hey there,
Close! Diction covers everything!! It's the composer's choice of words, and we use diction everywhere. How we communicate ideas and how we convey information are all examples of diction. In this instance, we can discuss the diction as the composer's stylistic device, and how that conveys meaning in the second quote. It creates a very philosophical tone, and much like the first example, it gives a more profound meaning to the text. How you interpret this analysis will entirely depend on your own representation of the meaning behind the quote.
Because we see diction everywhere, it's often hard to pinpoint the function of diction on literature. It plays a part in highlighting the composer's tone, mood, and atmosphere to the reader, allowing them to immerse themselves into the world constructed by the composer.
Hey there,
1. What is the point of a thesis statement if you're going to end up changing it anyway? I don't really understand its purpose.
2. This is a ridiculous question, but why are some people talking about 3 texts in their essays? I thought we were only supposed to talk about 2 texts (your prescribed and your related)
3. I'm starting to doubt my essay writing skills now so is this a good structure (1 paragraph on prescribed, 1 paragraph on related, 1 on prescribed, then one on related)
4. Where is the place where I can get one of my discovery essays marked? Because now I don't think I actually know how to answer an english response anymore :-[
1. What is the point of a thesis statement if you're going to end up changing it anyway? I don't really understand its purpose.
Hey guys,
I was wondering how adaptable you should make your thesis statement be, and whether I should write multiple statements to take into the exam (specifically trials :P) Also, how adaptable would this thesis statement/intro would be, and if there is some way to improve it or make it easier for the markers to understand.
The question was something along the lines of "The voyage of discovery is not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes." Discuss the extent to which discovery is transformative in nature.
One sets sail on the voyage of discovery to undergo a reconsideration of self and to obtain new eyes in which to see the world. William Shakespeare’s rural comedy The Tempest creates a flawed Prospero who is fueled to gain magical power to seek revenge. He is challenged by Ariel to forgive his enemies and so leads to a transformative discovery and renewal of character. A Rage For Curiosity by Philip Adams is a feature article in which Adams discusses the flaws of society and himself. He engages the audience by challenging them to experience and enjoy the discovery of this planet, and so leads to a new ideal in which to view the world. Therefore, both texts portray the process of discovery to be catalyzed by flaws, engaged by a challenge and resulting in a transformative discovery of self.
For the discovery essay I am doing motorcycle diaries and my related text felks skrzynecki (poem) by Peter Skrzyneck. should i use that for my related text or choose another. please tell me ASAP becuase im currently preparing my essay for paper 1 trail exam. Also how do i write a thesis for example this question: The process of discovery involves uncovering what is hidden and reconsidering what is known. How is this perspective on discovery explored in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing?I noticed you double-posted this so i'm just going to copy my answer to this here...
can i start off by saying: Discovery is defined as... or The process of discovery is...
Thanks everyone.
Thanks.
I have now chosen to do invcitus by William Ernest Henley as a related text for motorcycle diaries. but i dont really know how they relate can someone tell me how they relate each other through self discovery. Also for the thesis how would i start this thank you.
Hey guys, I had a quick q about form in a creative piece. Personally I'm not much into creative writing and generally opt for the short story jsut because it's familiar. I'm looking to try writing a speech for my creative, any tips on how I could approach that?
Hey!! if i were to answer the 2017 paper 1 question, "Whether motivated by need, wonder or curiosity, discovery has the power to be transformative", would these thesis statements be appropriate/ which of the two is strongest?
what the hell that was so quick thankyou
Hey guys, what do you think of this creative idea:
I'm writing a eulogy to Steven Hawking (famous cosmologist that passed away recently) from the perspective of his university friend, don't know if anyone has seen Theory of Everything. Basically the idea is that I will talk about how Hawking's perseverance over his theories and illness kinda transformed the friends' perspective on Hawking himself and life in general. With overarching concept of "every day is precious" kinda thing.
Any thoughts would be appreciated. Cheers
I think this is a super unique idea, I like it! Definitely see where the concepts could come into it, and something other than a narrative will grab the markers interest for sure! I'd give it a crack and see what you can do with a draft ;DThanks Jamon, I'll give it a go then and see how it turns out.
Hi, this is my introduction for a speech I have to do for module C, people and politics.
Is it be ok to use "us" instead of "the audience" considering it is a speech? Also its too long, should I cut out some of the context or explanation of the texts?
Thanks so much, I really appreciate any feedback!
Hey hey! Great intro! ;D using 'us' is definitely okay, even in an essay it is usually fine when used as a collective referral to the audience! I think you should, if anything, trim the explanation of Auden's texts down to just a single sentence like you did with 1984 :)Thankyou! That's something interesting to think about for my essays. Will do, thanks again for the feedback :)
Hi,Hey,
I am doing go Back to where you came from for discovery. Does anyone have a techniques table or anything???
For my related text, I am doing Distant Lands, would anyone also happen to have any techniques stuff???
If you can help me that would be amazing x
Hey guys, continuing on from above. I've got my intro to the piece. I was told by my teacher to turn use the idea as a short story rather than a eulogy using flashbacks and memories. So without further ado:
That's it. I'm a bit stuck on where to go on from here honestly. Quick rundown of the story; a eulogy about Steven Hawking written from the perspective of a long time university friend (fictional of course) which is Brian from the movie The Theory of Everything (just to clarify, Brian was a fictional/composite character). Thanks, any thoughts appreciated!!