English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)

[elysepopplewell]

Hey there!
So this is my essay for Module B and for the novel Cloudstreet by Tim Winton, I was wondering if I could receive some feedback on a draft I have written, anything would be absolutely appreciated because your help is seriously the most beneficial thing ever!
Thank you in advance

Hey there! Sorry we've been delayed as of late with the feedback. If possible, can you please upload this as a document that's not PDF, or copy and paste the essay into the comment section? Only because when I copy and paste a PDF here to edit, it doesn't bring your sentences and paragraphs over in the same way so the structure becomes convoluted. If I don't hear back from you by the end of the day I'll just give feedback based on the PDF which is fine - I just thought I'd put it out there in case we can make it clearer But if not, I'll definitely mark it later tonight (Monday)

[1937jk]

Hey there! Sorry we've been delayed as of late with the feedback. If possible, can you please upload this as a document that's not PDF, or copy and paste the essay into the comment section? Only because when I copy and paste a PDF here to edit, it doesn't bring your sentences and paragraphs over in the same way so the structure becomes convoluted. If I don't hear back from you by the end of the day I'll just give feedback based on the PDF which is fine - I just thought I'd put it out there in case we can make it clearer But if not, I'll definitely mark it later tonight (Monday)

Hey, so sorry for the inconvenience! I'll copy and paste below if thats all good?
So we have been provided this question that we will sit an exam on, I have written a draft for it and was wondering if i could receive some feedback on it?

I have included questions at the end of the essay with things that I wanted to clarify
Thankyou!

“The room sighs, the house breaths its first painless breath in half a century and outside the pig is going at it balls to the wall, giving it his all, like an angel in a pig’s body, like a bacon choir, like the voice of God himself pouring up through the fruit trees, rattling the tin fence, shaking the old smells from the walls and the worry from the paintwork, till it spills out on the street where they’re already celebrating something else, something they’ve been waiting for in their beds all year.”

In your view, how does Winton’s portrayal of reconciliation contribute to the enduring value of Cloudstreet?
In your response, make detailed reference to the extract from Cloudstreet and the novel as a whole.

The emphatic division between characters, ironically provides an adaptive conclusion for themselves and the reader. This is predominant through Tim Winton’s novel ‘Cloudstreet’ as the revolving tension between two families (Lambs and Pickles) is portrayed so that they juxtapose one another, yet they contribute to each others development in order to achieve a rapprochement. In particular, the house metaphorically undertakes both the struggles and success of the families which effectively offers the reader an understanding of the integral reality prominent throughout the novel. Additionally, his use of Australian vernacular highlights the process of reconciliation between white European colonisation and Aborigines and how, for many Australians today, this is still a concept of acceptance similar to what the Lambs and Pickles undergo. Further, the use of an omniscient narrator offers an insight for the reader to challenge spiritual beliefs, specifically through Fish’s moments of transfiguration. Therefore, as our nation continues to reconciles itself today, so do the characters according to context and perspective, hence determining the overall enduring value of the novel.

The house at No. 1 Cloudstreet, though divided, is a vessel of unification for characters. Winton’s emphasis placed on the personification of the house provides a connection between the meandering plot and integrity of the text. This is achieved as the house becomes a constant for both families by providing opportunity for stability and sustainable life which is vital for reconciliation to occur. The personification of “the room sighs” and “breathes” offers the house a quality of life in that the action of breathing is fundamental for survival. However, this narration by Fish is ridicule to his disembodied voice as a result of water physically subduing his lungs. Further, the visceral simile “like his flesh has turned to pus” portrays the consequences of division such as yearning to unite with whole self. Additionally, this contributes to Oriel Lamb's struggle to connect with the transcendency of the house as it is her determination that impedes Fish from his death which is reflected in her initiative of “this place is temporary” (55). This is ironic as Cloudstreet undertakes a permanent role in the life of her family and contributes to the uniting of the Pickles and Lambs relationship. “Oriel poured water into her and sponged her down” (125)  The use of water as a motif depicts how it can remove the quality of life from an individual and contrastingly provide a symbol of purification and nurturing of the juxtaposing families. Furthermore, the unintentional bitterness of the tone “You’ll have an income, Mrs Pickles” (58) emphasises the division between the characters. However, it is through the commonality of the house that it highlights how the families contribute to each others development in order to achieve cohesion through their experiences. Evidently Fish’s division of self provides the reader exposure to struggles and conflict that enforce an integral connection through common experience within human life.

The indicative obligation for conclusion amongst characters produces a replica that is also required for a nation according to context. Cloudstreet is a postcolonial text in which Winton utilises Australian vernacular to convey authentic experiences of working class families. Beneficially, this group of people make up the majority of his readership determining how “this marvellous post-modern novel of family life” indicates its ability to “warm the heart, as well as spark the imagination” (Kirkus Reviews) which is recognised both in Australia and overseas suggesting the endurance of the text through time and culture. However, it is through focusing on Australian culture, that implications of Aboriginal dispossession arises and context challenges the value placed upon the act of amalgamating the Aborigines with white colonisers. Evidently, Oriel’s insight offers a representation of the significance of reconciliation during her time, “This is the country and it’s confused” (231). The personification of the country with physical emotions suggests the nation's ignorance and lack of awareness towards the damage to Aboriginal Spirituality from the Stolen Generation. Although, a modern day reader is enabled via context to recognise the implicit cry for help “inside i knew it was the country. Moanin.” (231) The vernacular language emphasises the Australian accent and Lester's conclusion opens an understanding for the reader to recognise the significance of the Aboriginals spiritual connection to the land. Ultimately, the physical destruction of this connection implies for a society to continually recognise the need for reconciliation. Further, Oriel’s viewpoint “War is our natural state” (229) is antithetical towards reconciliation and how it demonstrates the consequences of permanent feelings of guilt. Although, it does not become apparent until “shaking… the worry from the paintwork, till it spills out” which is symbolic of the traumatic events that occurred prior to the Lambs and Pickles of which are embedded into the stationary ‘paintwork’ that it metaphorically takes on the movement of ‘spills’. This represents the reconciliation of the house with its past in order to offer a new future, similar to what we as a nation are working towards today with Aboriginals and White colonisation. Overall, the conclusive ending reconciles the confusion and disparity within the novel and offers an integral interpretation for the reader.

The division between spiritual and physical perspective impose a challenge to one's value and beliefs. The spiritual references through the omniscient narrator Fish reveal the intentional meaning behind his divided character. Water symbolism enforces Fish’s connection as it is what offers him relief, “You’re aching while those dark angels laugh on the water without you” (178). The use of colour symbolism challenges what one views as death and opens understanding of how Fish is split between two worlds. This suggests that it is human nature to yearn for wholeness. Conversely, when Quick is knocked out by a kangaroo, he is near death and his dream provides his closest connection with Fish throughout the novel as he embodies a similar state to his brother. “You going home, Fish?” (201)  The use of an open ended question, forces the reader to consider where home exactly is: Cloudstreet or heaven? This can be answered with the reconciliation experienced through the birth of Wax Harry as the families are united, “something they’ve been waiting for in their beds all year”. The anticipation suggests that is something that has been long-awaited for and the reference to ‘beds’ is linked with dreams and hence reinforces the reunion and replenishment of relationships. Holistically, it is by reuniting the spiritual and physical self that one ultimately achieves reconciliation with self and others.

To conclude, Winton’s portrayal of relatable human experiences emphasises the vitality in achieving reconciliation. It is through his use of cyclical structure, Australian vernacular and omniscient narration that he effectively affirms the struggles and complications that arise between two families who both contrast and compliment one another and the challenges that present the need to overcome in order to ensure a cohesive conclusion. This is what maintains the enduring value of the novel through context. Hence, the ironic division demonstrated in ‘Cloudstreet’ contributes to the overall unity of the text through common human experience.


So my 2nd and 3rd paragraphs have been identified as strong paragraphs, however, my intro and 1st paragraph have been flagged as needing ‘immediate attention’. I have reworked them in attempt to improve them and was wondering if you might be able to help me pinpoint what it is exactly that makes the paragraphs differ in their quality.

Also, I am concerned that my intro is waaaay too long any suggestions in making it shorter, or is it able to work being that length? And my thesis, does it make sense? I’m not sure what I was really going for with ‘adaptive conclusion’ ) part but I just couldn’t string the words together. (I guess the fact that the novel can be read over different contexts and the reader can interpret their own understanding, their not restricted to context If that makes any sense haha)
Is my use of the stimulus okay? I have always struggled to find that balance of over/under using it

Any feedback would be absolutely appreciated!!!!
Thank you so much in advanced
 

[Wales]

Hey Wales! At just short of 1200 words, this is quite a nice but meaty length. I'll see if I can find any areas that need trimming!

Spoiler

Tension between an individual and life experiences is what creates interest in the poetry of William Butler Yeats. To what extent does this statement reflect your response to Easter 1916 and TWO other Yeats poems set for study.

The human experience fundamentally personifies one’s process of decision making when a tension between values is present. As a result the human psyche adherently innovates profound philosophical theories to combat them. I don't think this is an independent sentence as it stands. You'd need "As a result OF...." for it to make perfect grammatical sense, I think. I could be wrong on this, a fair warning, but it just doesn't read right to me.“Mr Yeats brought a new music upon the harp” Michael Faherty I would try and embed this because currently it sounds jarring. I know you've explained the significance of it, but even saying, "as Michael Faherty noted..." But also, who is Michael Faherty? Great quote but we need a little more info to fully appreciate itthrough his critique of Yeats promotes that he was of a new breed of poets, a breed renown for the ability to deeply explore the connection between life's experiences from a modernist perspective while maintaining the structural integrity of romantic poetry. Easter 1916’s eulogistic structure gives the audience an insight into both the martyrized nature of Yeats’ relationships and the overwhelming potency behind political motivation while ‘An Irish Airman Foresees His Death’ contrasts political motive with notions free will and patriotism. Conversely ‘When You Are Old’ demonstrates Yeats transitions between romanticism and modernism and delves into the unrequited nature of love and the connection between one’s emotions and their actions. Yeats poetry is regarded by renowned scholars as eye opening and refreshing due to its his shifting poetic form combined with his authorial desire to express his life experiences in order to highlight his intellectual transformation as he strives to evoke similar emotions within the audience.   This is quite a long introduction - it's possible you could trim this. I think you can do an introduction well in four sentences, although I usually feel most comfortable with five. Address the question, introduce your thesis with the texts - done. Obviously take your own style and spin on this, but these are the essential elements of the intro. And your "thesis" should address the requirements of Module B, of course, by talking about responses of an audience (which you have done!)

William B. Yeats wrote the majority of his poems during a turbulent and revolutionary time with the pure intention to provoke human emotions and emphatically question the meaning of life and the afterlife.  An Irish Airman Foresees His Death poses a persistent theme of patriotism and rejection of communal values by focusing on the human experience. Yeats capitalises on the religious symbolism of “Kiltartan Cross” which incorporates the pilots loyalty to his hometown with his Gaelic beliefs. Conversely, the pilots innocence toward propaganda and lacking sense of duty is promoted through the anaphora “Nor law, nor duty bade me fight” subverting the conforming political opinions of society and demonstrates the pilots integrity to hold to his personal beliefs. The presumption of fate for the pilot is established in the foreshadowing opening “I know I shall meet my fate somewhere among the clouds above” denotes a complete disregard for the preservation of life but rather to enjoy it as expressed through the chiasmus “the years seemed to come waste of breath, a waste of breath the years behind”. This elucidates to how the past and future pales in comparison to flying and ultimately furthering his desire to embrace the human experience and alludes to the inevitability of death. In the context of the Irish revolution society had conformed to one political side allowing their emotions to determine their beliefs rather than their desires however the Yeats’ intricate descriptions of the airman who prioritised human experience over longevity and the reputation one obtains after death.  This is a great poem for the discussion of tension, in my opinion. I chose tension as my own thesis when I studied Yeats. I think you've done really well here to engage with the essay question!

Yeats helps maybe aids? just to bring the formality up a bit. the reader conceive the notions of unrequited love with his poetry through his wide array of literary techniques which inherently conjures an heightened sense of emotional response and interest in the reader. Interesting, a bit wordy, but I think it works. This could probably be simplified.When You Are Old is full of idiosyncratic details that establish coherent relationships between the human experience and the tension that exists between one's philosophies about love and its consequential actions. The poem begins with a stark contrast in tone with the use of the euphemistic imagery “ Old and grey and full of sleep” demonstrates his unique writing style as one that blends with both Modernism and Romanticism. You can talk about this tension between poetic movements! At the moment it doesn't add much to your analysis, it only identifies you understand poetic movements without explaining the significance.The individual Yeats describes is likely Maud Gonne whom was his muse and the recipient of the unrequited love. By creating the dream-like atmosphere of the poem in the opening through his soft “ABBA” rhyme scheme it allows one to become indulged into his poetry rather than a spectator. The romantic dream-like tone is sustained throughout the poem and carries a heavy implication of reminiscence as he continues to describe Maud with the metaphor “ loved the pilgrim soul in you” solidifying his unconditional love for Maud and provides the reader with a intricate insight into his personal life with a passionate intensity, and does so effectively by structuring the poem into 3 perfect quatrains emphasising the wholeness and fulfillment he experienced whilst in the presence of Maud. Yeats juxtaposes this notion of fullness with “ face amid a crowd of stars” signifying the unreciprocated sense of love and distance between Yeats and Maud. The dichotomy of emotional experiences and modernist perspective places the reader in Yeats’ position of disparity and conflict between his desires and actions. I think you could use the word "tension" more in this paragraph - you are implicitly discussing these relationships but it could be engaged with further.

The Easter 1916 rebellion revitalised democratic traditions of Ireland giving the reader a historical insight into the roots from which Irish independence was derived from, conjuring notions of personal interest. Nice! During the rebellion Yeats was exposed to the true hardships of conflict and underwent profound intellectual and emotional transformations throughout the poem. Easter 1916’s eulogistic form is most present in the final stanza “ MacDonagh and Macbride And Connolly and Pearse” which directly pays tribute to those who held a role in the rebellion. Yeats implies the sacrifice of the leaders through the classical romantic dichotomy “ Through summer and winter seem” and juxtaposes it with the natural metaphor “Enchanted to a stone” implying that those who participated will have their legacy embedded into the history of Ireland. The development of the human psyche is fascinating phenomenon that Yeats critically analyzes analyses* in his poetry, constantly questioning the mutability of human nature through the contrasting poetic forms evident in the sudden shift of themes to romanticism and nature in Stanza 3 “The rider, the birds that range from cloud to tumbling cloud” where the symbolic image of the bird conjures a notion of freedom but then reverts back to a reminiscent tone in the final stanza through his use of first person “I write it out in verse”. [/u Really long sentence! Can be trimmed!]The contrasting perspective truly distinguishes Yeats from other poets of his time due to the static nature of poetic development at the time “bringing a new music upon the harp” as Faherty stated. As Yeats was conditioned to increasing conflict he began to develop an understanding for what Edmund Wilson described as “the intrinsic value of the individual”. Yeats demonstrates his understanding of modernist philosophy through his gradual acceptance of John Macbride whom he held great hatred to previously observed through his use of conflicting language “Yet I number him in the song” with the notion of acceptance accentuated through the refrain “ Transformed utterly: A terrible beauty is born”, the multiple appearances of the phrase signify Yeats’ newfound understanding of the mutability of human nature as a result of witnessing the acts of martyrdom in the uprising which shapes his understanding of morality and the intrinsic value of human life. Yeats concludes the poem with another refrain denoting his personal transformation and coming acceptance of those who have changed Ireland, he accepts that their sacrifice was one worthy of their deaths. This is your longest paragraph, surely, which makes sense because it does come with one of the more complicated poems. But I think if you want to be critical of any paragraph, it's this one, simply because it makes sense to cut from the longest. You do have two scholarly quotes in here, perhaps relocate or cull one!

Yeats’ idiosyncratic portrayal of his relationships, surroundings and tenacious connection between his emotions and life experiences reveal to the audience the true mutability of the human psyche. Yeats’ unique poetic style of dancing between modernism and romanticism truly solidifies him not just a revolutionary poet but historian.   

You've got this down pat, you're definitely on the right track. Your understanding of the texts is clear, but there are times where the point is lost in long sentences or simply just repeating. I've pointed this out though, and fortunately it doesn't happen often. You've got a great essay here - but hopefully this helps you know where to cull! Good luck!

Awesome feedback as always Elyse I've cut it to just shy of 998, I'm bound to forget something when I get into the exam (hopefully nothing too important) so I think I will be okay. I write fairly quick anyhow.

I'm glad I've gotten the right ideas, I found Yeats as a topic incredibly difficult, the option of exploring the political side like I did or the entire greek mythology and gyre stuff which I wasn't as interested in

Regards, Wales

[elysepopplewell]

Awesome feedback as always Elyse I've cut it to just shy of 998, I'm bound to forget something when I get into the exam (hopefully nothing too important) so I think I will be okay. I write fairly quick anyhow.

I'm glad I've gotten the right ideas, I found Yeats as a topic incredibly difficult, the option of exploring the political side like I did or the entire greek mythology and gyre stuff which I wasn't as interested in

Regards, Wales

I studied Yeats and my notes on all of his texts (except the Second Coming - lost them) are in the Notes tab for free download if you'd like to access them! I really enjoyed Yeats so if you ever see it necessary, start up a Yeats thread and I'd be happy to talk about whatever I can with you

[beau77bro]

hey guys, i was just looking for some feed back on my MOD B essay. it's my first essay in a very long time (which is why it's in a scaffold) and i just need basic feedback, on continued argument throughout, making clear points and if it makes sense. but in saying that i will appreciate any extra feedback. im not quite sure if im adressing the enduring value part properly - im tryna say she talks about the human condition through her exploration of gender relationships but im not sure how well that is held through. sorry for blabbering, THANKYOU

[elysepopplewell]

Hey, so sorry for the inconvenience! I'll copy and paste below if thats all good?
So we have been provided this question that we will sit an exam on, I have written a draft for it and was wondering if i could receive some feedback on it?

I have included questions at the end of the essay with things that I wanted to clarify
Thankyou!

Thanks so much for reposting. I didn't want to hold you up, so I thought if you didn't reply to this then I'd just mark it from the PDF so I wouldn't hold you up, but it looks really chaotic on the page and the feedback might've been unclear!

Spoiler

“The room sighs, the house breaths its first painless breath in half a century and outside the pig is going at it balls to the wall, giving it his all, like an angel in a pig’s body, like a bacon choir, like the voice of God himself pouring up through the fruit trees, rattling the tin fence, shaking the old smells from the walls and the worry from the paintwork, till it spills out on the street where they’re already celebrating something else, something they’ve been waiting for in their beds all year.”

In your view, how does Winton’s portrayal of reconciliation contribute to the enduring value of Cloudstreet?
In your response, make detailed reference to the extract from Cloudstreet and the novel as a whole.

The emphatic division between characters, no need for a comma, ironically provides an adaptive conclusion for themselves and the reader. This is predominant through Tim Winton’s novel ‘Cloudstreet’ as the revolving tension between two families (Lambs and Pickles) is portrayed so that they juxtapose one another, yet they contribute to each others development in order to achieve a rapprochement. In particular, the house metaphorically undertakes both the struggles and success of the families which effectively offers the reader an understanding of the integral reality prominent throughout the novel. Additionally, his use of Australian vernacular highlights the process of reconciliation between white European colonisation and Aborigines and how, for many Australians today, this is still a concept of acceptance similar to what the Lambs and Pickles undergo. Further, the use of an omniscient narrator offers an insight for the reader to challenge spiritual beliefs, specifically through Fish’s moments of transfiguration. Therefore, as our nation continues to reconciles itself today, so do the characters according to context and perspective, hence determining the overall enduring value of the novel. I've read this introduction through a few times because I wasn't quite gripping your structure. Looking at it again, I can see what's going on now. Your last sentence is excellent - I think it's the best sentence of the introduction, so hang on to it! I think where the problem lays is between "Additionally" and the last sentence. Here you're more or less talking about the techniques at play, which is something I'd focus on in the body paragraphs. So instead, we can replace this analysis in the introduction with talk of textual integrity. This is a key element of Module B! The idea that the text works together in a really seamless way, all components come together to create a meaningful text. That's essentially what you're saying, except you're doing it in much more specific terms when that isn't quite necessary because it would be fine in the body instead. So, consider replacing the discussion of narrators and what not, with the discussion of Winton's textual integrity, combined with the subject matter, being what makes this so relatable.

The house at No. 1 Cloudstreet, though divided, is a vessel of unification for characters. Winton’s emphasis placed on the personification of the house provides a connection between the meandering plot and integrity of the text. Aha! Here comes the integrity This is achieved as the house becomes a constant for both families by providing opportunity for stability and sustainable life which is vital for reconciliation to occur. The personification of “the room sighs” and “breathes” offers the house a quality of life in that the action of breathing is fundamental for survival. You're just stating the obvious with this part, it's fine to cut it out However, this narration by Fish is ridicule to his disembodied voice as a result of water physically subduing his lungs. Further, the visceral simile “like his flesh has turned to pus” portrays the consequences of division such as yearning to unite with whole self. Additionally, this contributes to Oriel Lamb's struggle to connect with the transcendency of the house as it is her determination that impedes Fish from his death which is reflected in her initiative of “this place is temporary” (55). This is ironic as Cloudstreet undertakes a permanent role in the life of her family and contributes to the uniting of the Pickles and Lambs relationship. “Oriel poured water into her and sponged her down” (125)  The use of water as a motif depicts how it can remove the quality of life from an individual and contrastingly provide a symbol of purification and nurturing of the juxtaposing families. This sentence is confusing to me. I'm just not following it the entire way through. "The water motif is employed to have a dual purpose.
 The water is a symbol of purification and nurturing, as it sits as a common denominator between the two families. Yet, the water in the plot where "Oriel poured water into her and sponged her down" is used as a representation of the way one's quality of life can be swept away." In suggesting this,
 I haven't read Cloudstreet (tres tragic....I'd love to read it! I'm obsessed with Tim Winton! It's on the list!) so you'd need to play with the wording.
 Usually, I'm all for cutting things down instead of extending, but in this situation I think your treatment of two uses of water at once loses meaning.Furthermore, the unintentional bitterness of the tone “You’ll have an income, Mrs Pickles” (58) emphasises the division between the characters. However, it is through the commonality of the house that it highlights how the families contribute to each others development in order to achieve cohesion through their experiences. Evidently Fish’s division of self provides the reader exposure to struggles and conflict that enforce an integral connection through common experience within human life. I don't actually think this paragraph is the train wreck you've been told it is. What we can do is look at the formality of language and ensure we are only discussing what is incredibly important and unique. As you see, I've taken out the bit about breathing being required to survive. Also, when you say "This is ironic as Cloudstreet..." we can improve the language. Instead, maybe, "The irony is apparent as Cloudstreet undertakes..." Avoid "this is" and "the quote indicates" and this kind of language is good for the formality of your work as a whole.

The indicative obligation for conclusion amongst characters produces a replica that is also required for a nation according to context. Cloudstreet is a postcolonial text in which Winton utilises Australian vernacular to convey authentic experiences of working class families. Beneficially, this group of people make up the majority of his readership determining how “this marvellous post-modern novel of family life” indicates its ability to “warm the heart, as well as spark the imagination” (Kirkus Reviews) which is recognised both in Australia and overseascomma suggesting the endurance of the text through time and culture. However, it is through focusing on Australian culture, no need for comma here that implications of Aboriginal dispossession arises and context challenges the value placed upon the act of amalgamating the Aborigines with white colonisers. Evidently, Oriel’s insight offers a representation of the significance of reconciliation during her time, “This is the country and it’s confused” (231). The personification of the country with physical emotions suggests the nation's ignorance and lack of awareness towards the damage to Aboriginal Spirituality from the Stolen Generation. Although, a modern day reader is enabled via context to recognise the implicit cry for help “inside i knew it was the country. Moanin.” (231) The vernacular language emphasises the Australian accent and Lester's conclusion opens an understanding for the reader to recognise the significance of the Aboriginals Aboriginal is not a noun, but an adjective. So you need to say, "of the Aboriginal people's* spiritual connection to the land. Ultimately, the physical destruction of this connection implies for a society to continually recognise the need for reconciliation. Further, Oriel’s viewpoint “War is our natural state” (229) is antithetical towards reconciliation and how it demonstrates the consequences of permanent feelings of guilt. Although, it does not become apparent until “shaking… the worry from the paintwork, till it spills out” which is symbolic of the traumatic events that occurred prior to the Lambs and Pickles of which are embedded into the stationary ‘paintwork’ that it metaphorically takes on the movement of ‘spills’. This represents the reconciliation of the house with its past in order to offer a new future, similar to what we as a nation are working towards today with Aboriginals and White colonisation. Overall, the conclusive ending reconciles the confusion and disparity within the novel and offers an integral interpretation for the reader. Yes, you're right, this paragraph is great! The reason being, you've managed to incorporate quotes seamlessly, engage with scholars, but also look closely at the way a responder is engaged in a really unique way. I will say though, unless your teacher has requested that you write the page numbers at the end of your quotes - it won't be necessary for the HSC. There's different publications of each book that will differ the page numbers and ultimately render this useless.
 It's also one less thing to have to remember!

The division between spiritual and physical perspective impose a challenge to one's value and beliefs. The spiritual references through the omniscient narrator Fish reveal the intentional meaning behind his divided character. Water symbolism enforces Fish’s connection as it is what offers him relief, “You’re aching while those dark angels laugh on the water without you” (178). The use of colour symbolism challenges what one views as death and opens understanding of how Fish is split between two worlds. This suggests that it is human nature to yearn for wholeness. Conversely, when Quick is knocked out by a kangaroo, he is near death and his dream provides his closest connection with Fish throughout the novel as he embodies a similar state to his brother. “You going home, Fish?” (201)  The use of an open ended question, forces the reader to consider where home exactly is: Cloudstreet or heaven? This can be answered with the reconciliation experienced through the birth of Wax Harry as the families are united, “something they’ve been waiting for in their beds all year”. The anticipation suggests that is something that has been long-awaited for and the reference to ‘beds’ is linked with dreams and hence reinforces the reunion and replenishment of relationships. Holistically, it is by reuniting the spiritual and physical self that one ultimately achieves reconciliation with self and others.  Really unique paragraph here! I like it.

To conclude, Winton’s portrayal of relatable human experiences emphasises the vitality in achieving reconciliation. It is through his use of cyclical structure, Australian vernacular and omniscient narration that he effectively affirms the struggles and complications that arise between two families who both contrast and compliment one another and the challenges that present the need to overcome in order to ensure a cohesive conclusion. This is one very long sentence - it needs to be sliced in half! I love everything you're saying in it, though. So hold on to the essence, just give it a trim This is what maintains the enduring value of the novel through context. Hence, the ironic division demonstrated in ‘Cloudstreet’ contributes to the overall unity of the text through common human experience.

So my 2nd and 3rd paragraphs have been identified as strong paragraphs, however, my intro and 1st paragraph have been flagged as needing ‘immediate attention’. I have reworked them in attempt to improve them and was wondering if you might be able to help me pinpoint what it is exactly that makes the paragraphs differ in their quality.

Also, I am concerned that my intro is waaaay too long any suggestions in making it shorter, or is it able to work being that length? And my thesis, does it make sense? I’m not sure what I was really going for with ‘adaptive conclusion’ ) part but I just couldn’t string the words together. (I guess the fact that the novel can be read over different contexts and the reader can interpret their own understanding, their not restricted to context If that makes any sense haha)
Is my use of the stimulus okay? I have always struggled to find that balance of over/under using it

Any feedback would be absolutely appreciated!!!!
Thank you so much in advanced
 

I genuinely really enjoyed reading this essay. First reason: I love Tim Winton and am itching to read Cloud Street. Second reason: I can see how genuinely keen you are to improve and that makes me really want to help you!
So, about your first paragraph: for some reason you've written in a different style to what you have in your other paragraphs. Your language is less tight, and instead lacks the sophistication that you have employed in the other paragraphs, for whatever reason! But hopefully you can see where I've suggested work is needed. I don't think your intro is waaaay too long, but as I've written above, it surely can be trimmed a little more But, the adaptive conclusion thing did confuse me a little, admittedly. Now you've explained it, I know what you mean. Perhaps it is best to say something more like, "The emphatic division between characters ironically unites audiences with an appreciation for the achievement of reconciliation." Obviously, you need to work with this to put your own spin on it so you can argue it throughout, but I think this kind of wording will set you in the right direction.

As for the stimulus, I think your use is fine. It is a very long stimulus, but I think you've done a good job of breaking it down into workable pieces.

Let me know if I can help any more, hopefully this puts you in the right direction!

[elysepopplewell]

Any feedback would be absolutely appreciated!!!!
Thank you so much in advanced

Also, I was just looking in our note section and found two things that might be helpful for you. Sarah wrote her Module B essay on Cloudstreet and got a Band 6, she uploaded it here and another kind 2016 graduate uploaded their notes on the text here - both of these are free for you to download

[Wales]

I studied Yeats and my notes on all of his texts (except the Second Coming - lost them) are in the Notes tab for free download if you'd like to access them! I really enjoyed Yeats so if you ever see it necessary, start up a Yeats thread and I'd be happy to talk about whatever I can with you

Step ahead of ya I already read and took down your annotations and interpretations of the poems. Awesome resource Elyse~

Glad I'm not the one enjoying Yeats, his a bit abstract in his poetry but I quite enjoy it.

Cheers for the help, Wales

[elysepopplewell]

Hi I was trying to respond to this practice question and was hoping to get some feedback on it?

Hey there!
Q3. Identify three visual conventions used in Text 3 and explain how they construct a representation of family for the context of this magazine.

A peaceful image like the family photo from the magazine ‘Outback: The Heart of Australia’ constructs the image of a typical caucasian Australian family, with structured yet comfortable body language, no doubt preparing for a photo to be taken in the medium camera shot. This text constructs the representation of an Australian caucasian family through the use of visual conventions that include costume, text and body language.

Everything in this image seems to construct the typical representation of a caucasian family in Australia. The family in the image, located in the centre of the magazine serves to draw the viewer’s attention to convey that the magazine’s subject is a Australian family. This text constructs this representation by drawing the viewer’s attention towards the iconic Australian clothing worn by each person in the image, the use of text and lighting in the image. The wide brimmed hat and loose button up worn by the male figure complemented by the female figure’s bright striped button up juxtaposed against the blurry background suggests the family are perhaps standing in location that is hot and humid, an idea supported by the text ‘outback: The Heart of Australia’. Would it be beneficial to talk about the size, colouring, and placement of the text? Furthermore, the way the female figure comfortably rests her chin on the male figure’s shoulder while holding their children suggests intimacy and conveys the Australian characteristic and quality that the male is quiet Is this a characteristic of Australian men? but capable and treats women with respect. The combination of these visual conventions used by the magazine constructs the representation of an Australian caucasian family.

Hopefully this gives you a nice idea! As always, sorry I'm not more familiar with the expectations of WACE tasks. Hopefully this gives you a small pointer

[elysepopplewell]

hey guys, i was just looking for some feed back on my MOD B essay. it's my first essay in a very long time (which is why it's in a scaffold) and i just need basic feedback, on continued argument throughout, making clear points and if it makes sense. but in saying that i will appreciate any extra feedback. im not quite sure if im adressing the enduring value part properly - im tryna say she talks about the human condition through her exploration of gender relationships but im not sure how well that is held through. sorry for blabbering, THANKYOU

Hey Beau! No worries, I can give you some feedback on this

Spoiler

A.   In your view how does rossetti’s portrayal of the complex nature of gender relationships contribute to the enduring value of her poertry? – reference at least two poems

Rossetti’s enduring value is largely derived from her assessment of aspects of the human condition that contribute to perennial gender issues.
She explores these complexities as intertwined social values and inherent prejudices that affect gender relationships.
Through her depiction of these interrelationships Rossetti explores
1.   Hypocrisy as an inherent human quality
2.   The difference between true emotions and primal lust
3.   The emotional issues that correlate with the complex nature of love
By exploring timeless issues related to the human experience, rossetti produced texts that will remain relevant for years to come. These all look like really exciting arguments to bring up! Just remember, when you put these into sentences, don't be fooled into listing them like a shopping list, but be creative with how you introduce each and give them the space to breathe

Throughout the texts rossetti raises the issue of how hypocritical standards in society contribute to the issues and injustices women face.
This is addressed primarily as the strict punishment women endure compared to the sins men get away with and the moral equality she endorses.
Р  Throughout goblin market, the biblical allegory is represented in a purely female world to imply that the religious values held so highly should be applied equally to men and women. Lizzie’s jesus-esk sacrifice and message, ‘eat me, drink me, love me; laura, make much of me; for your sake I have braved the glen, and had to do with goblin merchant men.’ Echoes this implied equality. This is a long quote - so when it comes time to put it in a sentence, try your best to embed it!
Р  However in practice the many-faced, demonic goblins who ‘scratch’d… kick’d and knock’d’ lizzie, in what was by all assumptions a sexual assault appear to be subject to no form of justice. (better quote – rape one)
Р  Contrasted by laura who is seen to suffer for her sins, ‘dwindling… knocking on death’s door’ with her ‘hair grow[ing] grey and thing,’ reflecting the way women were outcast by society based on their actions.
Р  This same sentiment is echoed in light love by the lone woman’s last lines ‘does god forget?’ emphasising the lack of societal justice for men’s infidelity and the inevitable divine justice.
Р  There is also an innate IRONY IN THAT SHE STAYS LOYAL AND ‘NE’ER [HAD] ANOTHER LOVE’ YET SHE IS PUNISHED, WHILE THE CHEATING MAN GETS TO TAKE ANOTHER BRIDE, illustrating that she is punished purely based on societal prejudices rather than objective consideration of the situation.
The beliefs which society held at the time would condemn these actions, independent of gender or role, yet the reigning hypocrisy prevents true, equal, justice being carried out. And then we need to link this to the enduring qualities: is it because this sexism exists today? is it still interesting because double standards persist? Do audiences now empathise with this? Or do audiences now enjoy the exploration of hypocrisy - because sexism or not, hypocrisy definitely exists?

Rossetti contrasts the emotional position of men and women, exploring the difference between primal lust and true emotions, and their places in relationships
She explores this as the way that men unfairly value women for purely physical and sexual qualities, rather than their defined societal roles as virtuous figures of the home and in the process ignore their true emotions.
Р  This is exemplified by the fact only ‘maids heard the goblin cry’ implying only virgin women are sought out by men. Find a technique here to strengthen this
Р  Shown similarly in the way the perceived currency for the fruit is the girls’ virginal purity, represented by laura’s ‘golden curl’ for which she sheds a ‘tear more rare than a pearl’. Technique here as well
Р  In light love the man is seen to unashamedly pursue sexuality, despite his former love interest being described as loyal, having ‘ne’er another love’, and likened to the other woman, with the exception of implied ‘ripe-blooming’ virginity.
Р  An extended metaphor for females value is depicted by the way women who have lost their purity in rossetti’s poems are compared to being dead, ‘knocking on deaths door… growing grey’ and ‘is death so sadder much than this’ to imply without their sexual purity, they are no longer valued by men.
Р  There is an inherent irony, that women are punished for being impure, when the apparent thing men desire the most is to make them impure. This irony is addressed in an artist studio by the contrast of the man’s ‘dreams’ of woman as a ‘queen’ and an ‘angel’ versus the vampiric imagery of the man ‘feed[ing] on her face’ implying that he only dreams of her as his victim.
Rossetti’s deep exploration of intrinsic human emotions, supersedes the applied contexts in which she explores it to provide a timeless insight into the human condition. Based on the points you've put forward, I don't actually see the direct conversation between primal lust and true emotions. Maybe it's just because I'm reading it in dot point form and you've yet to flesh it out, but based on the evidence I see, I feel like you're leaning towards the idea of identity and worth being defined by sexuality - that seems to be the greatest argument here. But of course, perhaps it's just because I'm reading the dot points.

Furthermore, Rossetti addresses the intricate emotional issues that women face in domestic relationships.
She breaks down the emotional conflicts that stem from the complex nature of love and it’s place and perception in society, questioning why love is treated the way that it is. When it comes to writing your essay, I'd formalise this a little bit. Just to seal the deal, I'd not be so ambiguous, and actually identify "the way it is" - what does this mean? How is it treated?
Р  In after death Rossetti is seen to contrast celebrated standards of emotion in the antithetical statements ‘he did not touch the shroud, or raise the fold that hid my face, or take my hand in his… he did not love me living,’ to represent how emotions should be shown in a relationship. She emphasises this by continuously reversing roles, showing the man as weeping in ‘in a deep silence’ and the heavy irony in the final lines ‘very sweet it is to know he is warm though I am cold,’ to criticise the way men do not share their true feelings and emotions by placing them in a, regrettable, position in which they have missed the opportunity for love that mirrors the way women aren’t given the opportunity to share theirs.  Excellent piece of analysis here!
Р  Epitomised by the title, ‘light love’ reflecting the way in which men take love insincerely, leading on and taking advantage of other women, only to move on to ‘riper’ women and ‘trample [them] too’.
Р  The thematic issue of LEL, along with many of her other poems, is addressed by the repeated epigraph ‘whose heart was breaking for a little love’. This theme is further explored through the various contrasts between ‘winter’ and spring, and recurring ‘hiding’ images to represent the expectations of love and internal, lack of love.
The meaningful look into emotional complexities relating to love through intricate societal, emotional and moral relationships, helps rossetti explore deeper issues relating to the human experience.

Rossetti’s depiction of inherently human issues and their relevance to gender relationships, has facilitated the development of her greater textual meaning and integrity – producing texts that will undoubtedly remain relevant.

Her insightful representation; of the hypocritical nature of relationship standards, of key emotional states in relationships, as well as the complexities of love which women face have contributed to her developed perception of key human issues.
Thus it is clear that rossetti’s exploration of the human experience through complex gender relationships has contributed to her poetry’s enduring value.

I haven't actually seen an essay in a scaffold be so impressive before! I think you've done an excellent job here, it was a delight to read. I think you've got everything you need to write a killer essay from this - it's just about how you'll connect the ideas now. Although, I do think that the evidence you've displayed does lean towards the idea that a woman's worth is determined by her sexuality. This is fine, this is what the text implies. BUT, we can't have this argument twice. So, when it comes to explaining the quotes, make sure you are clear in changing the "effect" to suit your argument - you have to be clever about manipulating your argument. Your last paragraph doesn't have this same problem, you have the great analysis about emotions and their portrayal in a relationship and to me that's a really strong discussion. I have no doubt you'll do really well with this essay. Think clearly about joining the dots now. You've outlined the picture, now colour it in

[beau77bro]

thankyou soo much elyse, ive gone through and corrected a tonne of points you made, i think im gonna have to work on making that mint introduction of arguments, as well as integrating that long quote. i do agree now looking back it i was arguing a completely different point than i was saying so thankyou soo much. are my changes alright? wanna make sure ive adequately taken on your great advice.



also and this is quite problematic - i am notoriously bad at writing - not in terms of legibilty but simple flow and grammar and making sense - as evident by the lack of directed argument which you so kindly pointed out (THANKYOU sooo much genuinely) and i was wondering if you thought i would do ok by transferring this scaffold straight into an essay. if not (which is probably) what are things which i should aim to fix/change to ensure a solid essay?

THANKYOU SOO MUCH

[ellipse]

Hey! Sorry for the delay, but essay is attached with comments in bold!

Essay With Feedback

“Successful texts are engaging and always demand a response through their exploration of timeless ideas”
Evaluate the truth of this statement through a critical analysis of the language, content and construction of your prescribed text

It is not only the style, structure and language of a text but also its ability to provoke audience discourses through its enduring ideas that makes it a timeless success. Great introduction - Be sure to break your ideas up with commas to make sure the reader interprets them correctly. Virginia Woolf’s polemics A Room of One’s Own and Three Guineas were written prior to the outbreak of the Great War and was influenced by the first wave of feminist movement as well as the modernist society which was dominated by male egoism and fascism. Ditto here - I like what you are saying but I'm having to do all the grouping myself - It takes away from your sophistication. These contextual influences on her work helps portray the disenfranchisement of women and their exclusion from intellectual and creative freedom under the guise of patriarchy as well as the importance of money and financial independence on the lives of women, thereby provoking audience discourses. Not sure if "helps portray" is the right word there - You are saying its represented within, not that it has actually assisted in representing. Just seems a little off. A deeper analysis of Woolf’s sustained critique on these perpetual ideas provides the audience with a meaningful insight into her engaging texts and a heightened appreciation of its textual integrity in elucidating the relevance of its social and historical context. Good intro - The expression of ideas is the biggest weakness - Work on breaking it down more and giving more detail too!

A room of one’s explores the timeless ideas of patriarchy and gender inequality to challenge the reader’s perspective. Of what? Initially as lectures delivered at a female college in 1928, Woolf’s essays on ‘women and fiction’ questions the oppression of women under the patriarchal society and their objectification by men, as reflected when women are portrayed as  “looking-glasses … reflecting the figure of man at twice its natural size,” hence sarcastically and metaphorically emphasizing women’s inferiority and their lower societal class. Excellent. Taking away this ‘mirror’, the “man may die, like a drug fiend deprived of his cocaine,” in which the simile highlights and reinforces the societal expectations of women as ‘looking-glasses’ to give the male gender a sense of superiority, a crucial acquisition of their lives. Excellent style of analysis here - Good job on getting it all into a single sentence. These relevant and engaging ideas on gender inequality certainly instigates responses from the audience, as Rachel Bowlby, a professor at University College London, remarks that “men’s college dining, halfway to heaven; women’s college dining, one star.” I certainly believe this is true, as Woolf elucidates these disparities through the juxtaposition between men’s luxurious luncheon with “sprouts foliated as rosebuds but more succulent” and the women’s “plain gravy soup.” Watch the use of first person - I'm personally against it. Check your teachers preference for now and don't do it in the HSC. The contrast between the long, descriptive language and the short, dull descriptions further endorse this inequality. Be sure your paragraph is concluded definitively - Summarise the argument you have made.

The enduring ideas of patriarchy and gender inequality are further explored in Three Guineas. Through the epistolary form, Woolf maintains a sustained critique on the inferiority and disempowerment of women and the necessity for the subversion of these societal values in order to prevent war. Nice. She elucidates her pacifist views as opposed to the patriarchal and fascist society as emphasised by the fact that “ … to fight has always been the man’s habit, not the women’s,” hence reflecting the instinct of men in their obsession to fight, take charge and seek power as connoted by the  ‘habit.’ Be sure your quotes always have associated techniques. Although women do not have as much option as men preventing this war due the restrictions by the societal values of fascism and patriarchy, even the minute influence of the daughter of educated men are ineffective as highlighted by the anaphora of the ‘very’ in the tricolon “very low in power, very slow in action, and very painful in use.” Watch expression - Be sure your ideas are presented clearly and logically. Hence, through an analysis of both her successful texts and an appreciation of their textual integrity, a deeper understanding on the timeless ideas of patriarchy and gender inequality is achieved as well as it’s ability to provoke responses from the audience through these ideas.A little vague - What ideas of gender inequality are presented? What responses are provoked? Need a little more depth.

Through its engagement with the audience, A Room of One’s Own skilfully explores the relevant ideas of money and the women’s need for financial independent to provoke responses from the audience. A little circular - Through engaging with the audience, it engages with the audience. Not quite a logical argument there? Prior to the Great Depression, Women were entitled to vote in the 1920s which was a great milestone. Don't use emotive terms when referring to historical/contextual influences. However, Woolf highlights that her inheritance seemed “infinitely the more important” than the ability to vote, thus hyperbolically reflecting the significance of money during her time. Not really a hyperbole, but I see where that comes from. She further endorses this idea through the simile “… like a slave” emphasizing the tough conditions and labour required to earn money prior to the inheritance from her Aunt. Good, but don't include the plot detail about the aunt - Keep the focus purely on techniques. This difficulty was like a “rust eating away the bloom of the spring, destroying the tree at its heart,” the analogy further elucidates the sheer amount of struggle and difficult women faced to obtain an income, thus highlighting the importance of money in the society. The juxtaposition between the ‘rust’ and the ‘spring’ reinforces this idea as well as emotionally engaging with the audience as Woolf mirrors the modern society as women still earn 16% lower pay an hour than men in today’s word. Be sure each paragraph has a proper conclusion.

Ideas on the significance of money and finance are perhaps further explored in Three Guineas. Don't say 'perhaps' - High modality is important, be sure of your ideas. The epistolary and rhetoric form further allows Woolf to sustain her argument and engaging with her audience as well as to endorse the significance of money in providing education. The personified allusion of the “voracious receptacle” of “Arthurs Education Fund” highlights the sacrifices women made so that men could acquire an education, thus also accentuating on the significance of money and finance on maintaining and achieving education. Good. The hyperbole “it cast a shadow over the entire landscape” also metaphorically reinforces it’s influence and power which initially grew out of the investment and energy from the women. Krystel Pujanes also complements my personal views on Woolf’s argument as reflected by her sarcastic comment “it also pays for all the other ‘essential parts’ of his education–including travel, leisure, lodging, and society.” This is certainly true as reflected by the anaphora “all the land, all the valuables” when Woolf describes the properties acquired by men through the fund.  Good analysis in this paragraph - What is the impact on the audience? How do we respond? Although this is the case, I believe Woolf still highlights the difficulty of women obtaining income. As above, don't use personal references like "I believe," this is still an academic piece. Their struggle to acquire financial independence is emphasized through the repetition of “incredibly minute,” highlighting that although there has been an increase in women’s income, it is still inadequate. This is comparable to the modern-day statistics. Thus personally, Woolf’s engagement with the audience through her skilful exploration of the ideas on the importance and influential power of money certainly provokes responses, making her texts successful.

In conclusion, via an in-depth analysis of Woolf’s successful polemics A Room of One’s Own and Three Guineas, I strongly believe that her exploration of the enduring and relevant ideas of patriarchy and gender inequality as well as the importance of money strongly engages with the audience, thus instigating a response from them. A bit more beef in the conclusion - Restate how texts rely on techniques and ideas to be succesful, relate back to your text, then give this sentence as final judgement. By itself is a little short.

Good essay ellipse! Some places with really good analysis and excellent ideas, nice links to context. Watch your expression throughout (some places it was great, others you need to slow down a little, add commas, just be a bit more direct). Analysis was fantastic in sections but much weaker in others - This should be clear in the comments, you need to maintain the pattern of giving a technique with a quote then analysing what it achieves for the composer. Pick the places I said worked well and try and emulate your style in those sections

Besides that, the comments pretty much cover it! Let me know if I can clarify anything for you

Thanks Jamon! Much appreciated

[1937jk]

Also, I was just looking in our note section and found two things that might be helpful for you. Sarah wrote her Module B essay on Cloudstreet and got a Band 6, she uploaded it here and another kind 2016 graduate uploaded their notes on the text here - both of these are free for you to download

Awesome thank you so much! You're feedback was super helpful thank you!!!!!!!
I did rewrite my intro and I was wondering if it was okay to ask you to have another look at it? I kind of simplified my thesis, and I thought the next sentence kind of brings out the specifics in what I was trying to explain, but now I'm worried I have steered away from the question
ORIGINAL
The emphatic division amongst characters produces a unified conclusion for readers. This is predominant through Tim Winton’s novel ‘Cloudstreet’ as the revolving tension between two families is portrayed so that they juxtapose one another yet they contribute to each others development in order to achieve a rapprochement. In particular, the house metaphorically undertakes both the struggles and success experienced by the Lambs and Pickles which effectively offers the reader an understanding of the integral reality prominent throughout the novel. Evidently, Winton’s coherent use of form and language that contributes to the revelation of challenges imposed by reconciliation for a modern Australian society that determines the continuity of the novel through time and culture. Further, the division of self is apparent through Fish as it offers the reader opportunity to appreciate the reconciliation achieved through the unification of his disparate caricature whilst also challenging spiritual perceptions. Overall, as a nation continues to reconcile today, so do the characters according to context and perspective, hence determining the overall enduring value of the novel.
REWORKED
The emphatic division amongst characters produces a unified conclusion for readers. This is predominant through Tim Winton’s novel ‘Cloudstreet’ as the revolving tension between two families is portrayed so that they juxtapose one another yet they contribute to each others development in order to achieve a rapprochement. In particular, the house metaphorically undertakes both the struggles and success experienced by the Lambs and Pickles which effectively offers the reader an understanding of the integral reality prominent throughout the novel. Evidently, Winton’s coherent use of form and language contributes to the revelation of challenges imposed by reconciliation for a modern Australian society that determines the continuity of the novel through time and culture. Further, the division of self is apparent through Fish as it offers the reader opportunity to appreciate the reconciliation achieved through the unification of his disparate caricature whilst also challenging spiritual perceptions. Overall, as our nation continues to reconcile today, so do the characters according to context and perspective, hence determining the overall enduring value of the novel.

[smshs2017]

Hey, can someone please give me any tips or hints that could help me improve my module b essay??? and my prescribed text is shakespeare's Hamlet. Thank you!!!!
the questions is:
Texts which challenge conventions maintain their relevance. is this your view of the prescribed text? in your answer refer to the language, content and construction of your prescribed text.
A text can maintain its relevance by challenging its conventions. Shakespeare’s revenge tragedy Hamlet (1603) continues to be valued through its presentation of timeless ideas that are fundamental to humanity. The play highlights aspects that permeate Elizabethan English society but also resonate within our own modern context. Shakespeare subverts revenge tragedy conventions through Hamlet’s engagement with philosophical concerns through use of asides, monologues and soliloquies. The deceptiveness of surrounding characters and Hamlet’s self-disillusionment reflect the period of uncertainty and instability during the Elizabethan era. Our personal understanding of the text has been informed by our extensive readings of critiques and knowledge of the play’s contextual milieu. The play engages with contemporary audiences through its textual integrity, to empathise and relate with universal human conceptions such as corruption, revenge and the metaphysical issues of mortality as we too question the purpose of life.
Shakespeare’s exploration of a corrupt world, is central to the timelessness of Hamlet, as it mirrors the harsh economic, social and political tension that took place during the Renaissance period which also resonates with a modern world, full of chaos and terror. Shakespeare uses disease imagery, in the opening scene at Act I Scene I, to portray a cold and foul atmosphere in the setting of Elsinore when Francisco metaphorically states, ‘it is bitter cold and I am sick at heart’. This demonstrates to us the sense of hopelessness that ensues in a society as result of the corruption of power. Claudius holds responsibility for the collapse of natural order through his employment of Machiavellian tactics to attain his status in Denmark and it is his greed that affects the ‘health’ of the nation and sprouts corruption within the state as evident in the metaphor, in Act I Scene IV ‘Something is rotten in the state of Denmark’. Shakespeare biblically alludes to the Garden of Eden in ‘tis an unweeded garden that grows to seed, things rank and gross in nature’ and provides a metaphorical image of corruption spreading within the social structure and sets up Hamlet’s role as the ‘gardener’ to rid the ‘garden’ of ‘weeds’ to avenge Old Hamlet. In Act V the resolution of the play ends with the death of all pivotal characters, to symbolise the end of the diseased, corrupted period as order is restored. According to Ian Kott ‘the play is most completely revealed in times of doubt’. The political tension in Denmark, and Hamlet’s striking and conflicting conscience effectively resonates with contemporary society and we too try and make sense of life’s purpose in a world full of terror and disorder.
Shakespeare’s explores the internal conflict of an individual caused by the struggle between conflicting ideologies of Medieval feudal attitudes and Renaissance humanism thought as Shakespeare engages the responder to consider the ramifications of individual’s or societies’ exacting one’s revenge. Shakespeare employs three parallel plot lines in ‘Hamlet’, with Hamlet, Fortinbras and Laertes all vowing to avenge three father’s deaths to contrast the perils of inaction against action.  Initially Hamlet’s commission to “Revenge his foul and most unnatural murder” of the king highlights the immensity of Hamlet’s filial duty. The cost of revenge is articulated through the assertion within his soliloquy “I’ll wipe away all trivial fond records… thy commandment all alone shall live within the book and volume of my brain,” enunciating that he must transform himself into a tool of revenge through purging his human emotions as Hamlet vacillates due to fear of God’s retribution . Further, through the use of extended metaphor of dehumanizing himself into a ‘book’ where memories can be wiped implies that vengeance can diminish our humanity. Unable to take decisive decisions, Hamlet is incapable of proceeding with his undertaking vengeance. As such, Hamlet attempts to legitimize his inaction through the biblical allusion “What a piece of work is a man… in action how like an angel, in apprehension how like a god,” elevating man’s rationality over his ability to take action, through juxtaposition of superior godlike thinking power to inferior angel-like action. As director Peter Hal states, ‘Shakespeare’s Hamlet explores the universal sense of apathy when the problems facing us are so overwhelming that we lack the will to confront them’. The internal conflict which resulted from the dichotomy between the humanism of Renaissance thinking and Medieval code of revenge are an insight which continues to resonate with contemporary audiences where we live in a time where values and beliefs are challenged by new concepts and ideas.
Hamlet poses the notion of the dichotomy of life and death, questioning the complexity of mortality and human existence, and reflecting a scepticism which subverts the protestant values that dominate Shakespeare’s context as this existential questioning gives the play its literary value. Death permeates Hamlet, right from the opening scene of the play, where the ghost of Hamlet’s father introduces the idea of death and its consequences. Through the use of soliloquies and metaphors, Hamlet contemplates suicide, wondering whether ‘to be, or not to be’. His question emphasises his tormented emotional state and reflects the pain that is universally experienced as part of life, allowing us to understand his wrestle with his conscience. Hamlet, in a state of immense depression, philosophises whether it is nobler to accept fate ‘suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,’ or to fight fate ‘take arms against a sea of troubles,’ or perhaps to fight fate by ending life ‘by opposing, end them.’ As suggested by Dover Wilson, we view Hamlet as a ‘great and noble spirit subjected to a moral shock so overwhelming it shatters all zest for life and all belief in it’. Death motifs within many of his soliloquies are ambiguous, as they are a representation of everyone’s fears and uncertainties of death and the afterlife, as evident with the juxtaposition of death being both, ‘a consummation devoutly to be wished for’ and an, ‘undiscovered country’ from where no traveller returns. Hamlet’s fatalistic outlook on life is illuminated by the symbolism of Yorick’s skull and the stage direction ‘Hamlet takes the skull’ which is a proleptic irony signifying Hamlet’s acceptance of Memento Mori – the inevitability of death for all humanity. In dramatizing the permanence of mortality, Shakespeare succeeded to create literature which resonates amongst audiences and maintain its relevance, despite the contextual barriers, as death is a fundamental human concept.
By depicting Hamlet’s intellectual and emotional struggle and transformation through the effective use of dramatic devices , Shakespeare demonstrates Hamlet’s relevance by challenging conventions and humanistic values of the Elizabethan era and its ability to resonate with contemporary audiences. Above all, it is clear that through modern responders, Hamlet’s character resounds and will live on, prolonging the play’s enduring worth.

[jamonwindeyer]

Hey all! The HSC and Careers Expo starts tomorrow - Which means all of your markers will be busy over the weekend. Some limited marking COULD get done, but don't expect anything until Monday - Sorry for the inconvenience!

Hey, can someone please give me any tips or hints that could help me improve my module b essay??? and my prescribed text is shakespeare's Hamlet. Thank you!!!!

Welcome to the forums! Our essay marking rules require you to have 15 posts on ATAR Notes for every essay you'd like marked. This is just to make sure the markers can keep up (especially around our big events like this) - Post around a bit over the weekend! Ask some questions, etc - Then you'll be eligible by the time we're back on Monday