Hey Jake! Indeed, comments throughout in bold, be sure to be working on your delivery as well! I reckon you should add some more creative rhetorical devices to spice it up too
In summary, excellent audience links, great techniques, good ideas. Make those ideas more universally relevant (much less focus on the persona), identify what we learn about the ideas holistically, not just in terms of the text
Spoiler
In Gwen Harwood’s Ad Orientem, the text is clearly centered around exploring the themes of pain and loss in a human’s life. Harwood uses these themes to send messages to the audience, allowing them to reflect over their own life and make changes. I'd go with a more substantial introduction than this, though good job for adding it!! Explain the themes in a little more detail, set the tone for your speech, use some rhetorical devices for creative effect.
Initially, the audience is introduced to the painful experience of a female patient of a hospital, who seems to be struggling to cope with the situation which they have been placed into. The opening description of pain explains to the audience that pain is constantly with her, so much so that it knows her like a lover, preventing the woman from being able to live life as she would normally. The intemperate nature of pain enables to audience to understand the fact that although the pain is always with her, at some points the pain subdues which tends to show that the woman cherishes these moments where she is not affected tremendously by the pain. The use of the metaphor of death through the darkness and fear shows that death was coming for the woman, and there was no escaping the fact that eventually, her time would come. This opening stanza not only allows Harwood to introduce the audience to the situation which the patient faces, but it allows her to also discuss the impact of pain on the human psyche, it affects us in a way which no other situation would. So you've linked to the audiences understanding of a general concept at the end of the paragraph, fantastic. Try to thread this through the paragraph a little bit more! Further, you are still a little retell heavy: Try to go beyond the text, don't just explain the frame of mind of the woman, go broad, what do we learn? What is the impact on us?
To open the second stanza, Harwood uses hypotaxis to continue the woebegone situation of the patient, who seems to be diminishing as the text progresses. This technique explains to the audience that the situation of which she is facing has been prolonged and extensive, this allows the audience to become sympathetic towards the patient as we begin to recognise that the pain is unbearable. The first two lines of the second stanza implement personalisation, as death (which is portrayed as darkness and fear in the first stanza) seems to surround her life, overgrowing all that was good in her life. This also relates with the audience due to the fact that we regularly associate darkness and death, giving death these human characteristics presents death in such a way that we humans think as death as the malevolent entity in our lives. As the stanza progresses, it is seem that the female patient seems to reflect heavily on her life, especially loved ones. The ruminative nature of this section shows further that the despair in the womans life is heavily evident which provides the audience with yet another reason as to why the sympathy that they are feeling at this stage of the text is reasonable. The unwanted actions described through sexual terminology provides the audience with the perception that pain is now raping her, the relationship has developed from pain being a lover into a rapist. The use of the sexual references begins to indulge the audience into the woman’s world, the fact that she is encountering this unwanted rape is easily seen by the audience because of this, reinforcing the fact that the pain is horrid and unbearable. To end the stanza, it is shown that the woman has been dragged down to the depths of despair, hopelessness and depression, all the good in her life is slowly being removed by pain. Though still slightly too much retell in tone, FANTASTIC audience links throughout. Really, super effective job there. Again, I'm looking to get away from just the focus on the persona, I want the same ideas generalised so they are universally relevant to the audience!
Harwood now implements the idea of morning coming to show the audience that hope is still evident in the woman’s life, no matter what challenging scenarios she has faced. The fact that the sister has beside the woman’s bed for the entire evening period shows that something is terribly wrong with the woman, the sister would not normally stay with the patient for the night. This explains that the patients fears are evident and are truthful. The audience now begins to see that the woman is overjoyed to be able to see the morning light, showing that the patient, although she still has hope, she has already begun to recognise that the end is close. This line is where the title of the text is implemented, it is known that the sun rises in the East. The title of the text, “Ad Orientem” translates to “To The East”. This use of the sun rising and the title of the text further exaggerates the fact that the patient is constantly waiting for tomorrow morning, hoping that she will be able to see the dawn light again. Harwood uses imagery to remind the audience of the dire situation which the patient faces, reinforcing the fact that she is in a hospital, and that she is in a horrid state, but yet she is able to still find hope in such a calamitous circumstance. This also allows the audience to recognise that no matter how dire their situation may be, there is always the ability to have hope, whether this be through religion or through other means. Again, great links to the audience (remember you can say "we" in place of "the audience" because you are the audience, you and your class)! Again, a little too much retell, your class knows this text well! Any time you spend explaining what happens in the text is lost time you could be doing more with: You need no reference to plot whatsoever! Focus on how THIS TECHNIQUE shows the responder THIS, not on the impacts on the persona
The final stanza, this stanza reinforces the fact that the patient did not expect to see the dawn and morning light, she hopes for a new day with new experiences, which is shown through the symbolism of the untasted wine, emphasizing her strong mental attitude. As she drank the ‘untasted wine’, the hope which was once evident inside of her announces itself once more, giving the patient confidence in herself and her situation, although it seems unlikely for a recovery. The use of the symbolism throughout this paragraph allows the audience to visualise the fact that although this woman is struggling and in a bitter situation, she is able to rejoice over something that is sweet. At the lowest depths of the situation, she forgets about everyone else, but with hope, she is elevated, and is able to bless and rejoice over other people. This is a direct message from Harwood, telling the audience that you should not become self-indulged and disregard other people, this is due to the fact that we do not know when we shall pass away, and when we do, we star to recognise that our actions may have diminished relationships with others. As above, excellent audience links and great techniques, but looking for a more conceptual and universal explanation.
Overall, it is clearly seen through the two main themes of pain and loss and multiple literary techniques that Harwood is able to send messages to the audience, explaining to them that life will end one day, how do you want to spend your final days? Reminiscing over the times which you cherished or struggling to deal with the way that you will be remembered by your loved ones?
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Topic: English Advanced Question Thread (Read 1496334 times)