Arranged Marriages vs Love Marriages

[thushan]

Although an arranged marriage is by definition different from a forced marriage, some degree of compulsion or persuasion is often used. Parents still have several ways of pushing their agenda. Why on earth would you marry someone with the hope that love and affection may take time to sprout in the heart? What if partners in an arranged marriage may not get emotionally close at all?

Some proponents of arranged marriages also push the notion that parents are more experienced and may therefore be better able to pick a suitable spouse for their child. I just don't see how this could be true assuming the parent's son/daughter is >=18.

Love marriage all the way.

If compulsion or persuasion for a selfish agenda is pursued, that's an arranged marriage inappropriately used. Why on earth would I marry someone with the hope that love and affection may take time to sprout in the heart? Because I trust my parents' judgement and their experience, and that they have my best interests at heart. 

Also, yes we are over 18. But we need to admit we know little about married life. And I admit that even as an 18 year old, I know relatively little about married life. I'd leave the assessment of compatibility to my parents and my sister, who have gone through that.

I'd rather make my own mistakes then have my parents make them for me.

Hmm. Point taken actually. Be better to blame yourself than to blame someone else if you're damned. But I'd say that I'm much more likely to make mistakes than my parents are.

On another note, if an arranged marriage allows you to marry whoever you want, how is it an arranged marriage? There's nothing wrong with parents introducing you to a girl, the point where a parent forbids you from marrying/dating someone you love/like is the point where it goes too far.

An arranged marriage does not allow you to marry whoever you want - your parents need to give the okay first. In fact, they have to give the okay before you start getting attached to each other. Better your parents veto when you barely know each other than them vetoing when you are attached to one another.

I personally can't see too many pro's in the arranged marriage situation... what do you specifically like about it?

I would say that we'd understand that once we become older.

[saba.ay]

I'm really struggling to think of reasons why someone would suggest an arranged marriage is better than a 'love' marriage (if that's the term you want to use).

I personally can't see too many pro's in the arranged marriage situation... what do you specifically like about it?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iri3lM8fQaQ
thought I'd just put that out there.

[JCore]

Also, yes we are over 18. But we need to admit we know little about married life. And I admit that even as an 18 year old, I know relatively little about married life. I'd leave the assessment of compatibility to my parents and my sister, who have gone through that.

You believe your parents will make a better decision than you in regards to your compatibility, attraction, love, etc. to someone else than you would?

[curry_bro]

If compulsion or persuasion for a selfish agenda is pursued, that's an arranged marriage inappropriately used. Why on earth would I marry someone with the hope that love and affection may take time to sprout in the heart? Because I trust my parents' judgement and their experience, and that they have my best interests at heart. 

Also, yes we are over 18. But we need to admit we know little about married life. And I admit that even as an 18 year old, I know relatively little about married life. I'd leave the assessment of compatibility to my parents and my sister, who have gone through that.

I would say that we'd understand that once we become older.

+1

you are very wise Thush. seriously. some people who get 99+ are so closed minded, but you are brilliantly wise with all aspects of life. respect.

we was teenagers/young adults are immature and just cant handle having our parents make any decisions for us, let alone about marriage. just trust your parents, because they love you and will make decisions based on your long term and short terms benefit, and not only the latter (which we as kids usually only see).

parents thirst for their childrens happiness. they wont choose a spouse for their children for superficial reasons only.

[pi]

Also, yes we are over 18. But we need to admit we know little about married life. And I admit that even as an 18 year old, I know relatively little about married life. I'd leave the assessment of compatibility to my parents and my sister, who have gone through that.

Your parents only know of an arranged marriage life (I think?) and were brought up that way too. Their word is always going to hold a bias.

And sometimes in life, it's best to venture a bit into the unknown. Personally, I think marriage should be like that.

[thushan]

You believe your parents will make a better decision than you in regards to your compatibility, attraction, love, etc. to someone else than you would?

Yes, because if they are benevolent parents, their judgement won't be clouded as mine would be, and they'd think about factors that i would not even have thought of, not having had that experience.

Your parents only know of an arranged marriage life (I think?) and were brought up that way too. Their word is always going to hold a bias.

And sometimes in life, it's best to venture a bit into the unknown. Personally, I think marriage should be like that.

My parents had a love marriage actually.

[pi]

I take that back then, apologies.

Although having said that, I'm VERY confused for their way of thinking now.

[thushan]

Why so?

[pi]

Generally the curry population moves from Arranged -> Love, this is the first instance I've heard of it moving the other way around. If it worked for them I don't see why they would doubt it would work for you?

[WINGARDIUM]

And sometimes in life, it's best to venture a bit into the unknown. Personally, I think marriage should be like that.

THIS. Despite having full faith in my parents regard for my happiness/well being, I want to live my life - our parents are there to support us in all the choices we make, and some people seek assistance in their life choices but ultimately its the choices that we make that make us..us.

Generally the curry population moves from Arranged -> Love, this is the first instance I've heard of it moving the other way around. If it worked for them I don't see why they would doubt it would work for you?

The weird thing is that my parents (also love marriage) expect me to conform to an arranged marriage as well. It is very confusing :/

[thushan]

Generally the curry population moves from Arranged -> Love, this is the first instance I've heard of it moving the other way around. If it worked for them I don't see why they would doubt it would work for you?

They didn't say it won't work. They're saying that its less likely to work.

Particularly for someone like me who is an inherently trusting person, which leaves me vulnerable to ppl who want to exploit me.

[Mr Keshy]

I take that back then, apologies.

Although having said that, I'm VERY confused for their way of thinking now.

Hmm yeah me too.

I've got a long way to go but I'm probably in the same position as Curry bro (i think). If I can't find one myself, my parents will find one for me . But I doubt it would end up that way for any of us.

My parents know what I expect of them when it comes to stuff like this. A couple of years ago they said that I "should not be doing this stuff" (dating/girlfriend) until I am 18. Now they keep bumping it up to "when you get a job" haha.

The trouble is that I don't know when it is acceptable to have a girlfriend, putting into consideration family, close family and family friends, I don't want them bad mouthing me as such. On that topic, there is some sort of stigma with having a girlfriend too.

But to the topic at hand, I'm on the same page as Wingardium. "Despite having full faith in my parents regard for my happiness/well being, I want to live my life - our parents are there to support us in all the choices we make, and some people seek assistance in their life choices but ultimately its the choices that we make that make us..us."

Exactly the way I see it, couldn't have said it better.  My parents know that they shouldn't dictate my life. They'll advise you and give you tips, but if you don't take it, your on your own.

[JCore]

Yes, because if they are benevolent parents, their judgement won't be clouded as mine would be, and they'd think about factors that i would not even have thought of, not having had that experience.

I think you'd definitely know yourself better than they would.

I'd also suggest that by the age of 18 you should be able to look at things rationally and make good decisions. It's one of the biggest decisions in life. Whoever you marry may be the person you live with for the rest of your life, who will be a parent to your own children some day. You should be able to make that choice about who that person is on your own.

[curry_bro]

Exactly the way I see it, couldn't have said it better.  My parents know that they shouldn't dictate my life. They'll advise you and give you tips, but if you don't take it, your on your own.

+1
and also stepping in when their kids really need it

[thushan]

Hmm yeah me too.

I've got a long way to go but I'm probably in the same position as Curry bro (i think). If I can't find one myself, my parents will find one for me . But I doubt it would end up that way for any of us.

My parents know what I expect of them when it comes to stuff like this. A couple of years ago they said that I "should not be doing this stuff" (dating/girlfriend) until I am 18. Now they keep bumping it up to "when you get a job" haha.

The trouble is that I don't know when it is acceptable to have a girlfriend, putting into consideration family, close family and family friends, I don't want them bad mouthing me as such. On that topic, there is some sort of stigma with having a girlfriend too.

But to the topic at hand, I'm on the same page as Wingardium. "Despite having full faith in my parents regard for my happiness/well being, I want to live my life - our parents are there to support us in all the choices we make, and some people seek assistance in their life choices but ultimately its the choices that we make that make us..us."

Exactly the way I see it, couldn't have said it better.  My parents know that they shouldn't dictate my life. They'll advise you and give you tips, but if you don't take it, your on your own.

Haha same here. It used to be "after you finish school," now it is "after 4th year uni". Perhaps later it will be "after you become a registrar."