BITCHES TILL THE END!
After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and whispered, 'Mom, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that?
'Because I don't want any of those bitches sleeping with your father after I'm gone.'
And THAT, my friends, is what is called, 'Putting Your Affairs In Order.'
i feel sorry for the man's skin... but srsly, he's goodhaha, me too
(http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6B8tPuW7TwQ/TAYmybtLGkI/AAAAAAAAQ-k/tIJHLXvzrro/s1600/hafnawhat.jpg)
Dave was bragging to his boss one day, 'You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.'
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, 'OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?'
'No drama boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.'
So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and Tom Cruise shouts, 'Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!'
Although impressed, Dave's boss is still sceptical.
After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.
'No, no, just name anyone else,' Dave says.
'President Bush,' his boss quickly retorts.
'Yup,' Dave says, 'Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington .' And off they go.
At the White House, Bush spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up.'
Well, the boss is much shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.
'The Pope,' his boss replies.
'Sure!' says Dave. 'I've known the Pope for years.'
So off they fly to Rome.
Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican when Dave says, 'This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope.'
He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican .
Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, 'What happened?'
His boss looks up and says, 'It was the final straw - you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who the f**ks that on the balcony with Dave?'
An astrophysicist has made an incredible, breakthrough discovery, and it gets press in all the papers and is heralded by his peers as well. Naturally, he embarks on a tour giving lectures at universities around the country.
For the tour, he has a driver to get him smoothly from one pace to the next, and with so much time together, the two become friends. After a couple of months and stops at dozens of locations, the driver says, "You know, you've got an easy gig."
"Is that so?" asks the scientist incredulously.
"Yeah, all you do is go from place to place giving the same talk, and you're making a fortune."
"Well, it's not as easy as it looks, I'll have you know. Do you think you could give a lecture on astrophysics?"
"I've heard your talk two-dozen times, I'm sure I could give it."
So a bet is made for a hundred dollars. The driver will attempt to give the speech. If it goes well, he wins. If it goes poorly, the professor will intervene, explain the bet humorously and triumphantly, and take over with no harm done to his reputation.
At the hotel, they dress in each others clothing, the scientist decked out in the driver's uniform and cap, and the driver wearing a suit and tie and spectacles.
At the hall, the driver does a stunningly good job of delivering the speech, and sitting in the back, the professor is astonished.
As the applause dies down, the driver begins to step down from the podium, but he's stopped by the voice of the host over the microphone saying, "I think we have some extra time. Does anyone have any questions for the professor."
Hands go up all over the auditorium. The driver begins to sweat, and the professor does too--it's gone on too long to reveal the ruse now.
The first questioner asks an impossibly complicated and technical question. Clearly, this person knows what he's talking about.
The professor puts his head in his hands, waiting for things to come unglued.
"Well," begins the driver, "I must say, that is the most idiotic question I have ever heard."
A stunned silence as the other would-be questioners put their hands down.
The man who'd posed the question is clearly unimpressed by this posturing, believing he's exposed a flaw in the theory.
"Really, that's an impossibly simplistic question, and I'm shocked that you felt like that was worth my time and the time of this audience."
He went on, "In fact, to show you just how stupid your question is, I'm going to let my driver in the back of the auditorium answer it for you."
A Father and his son are hiking in the grand canyon. The go around some bends, over some hills, and through some nooks. They round the bend and see a native american sitting on a rock.
The father points to the native american and says, "son, native americans have the best memory of any peoples in the world"
The young son thinks he's quite the smart one and goes up to the native american and says, "What did you have for breakfast last tuesday."
Without hesitation the Native American responds, "eggs." The son is impressed and goes on with the hike with his father.
30 years later the son is now a grown man, and is hiking the same trail with his own son. He goes around the same bends, over the same hills, and lo and behold, rounds the corner and there is that same native american on the same rock.
He's an older wiser man now, and will really test this native american. He walks up, raises his hand in greeting and says "HOW"
Native American responds, "Scrambled."
So you think you had a hard childhood? Well f*** you, its got nothing on mine. My mom practically kicked my ass out of the house before I even hit 13, and I never even met my dad. My only friend till I was 10 was this asshole pr*ck next store who was always beating the crap out of me and telling me I wasn’t worth anything. Its not even like I had a choice, the town had something like 9 people living in it, I kid you not. My entire adolescence was just moving around from place trying to get along with people who didn’t even want me. You think that’s the worst? My only friend was an Asian guy in his thirties or something, who only kept me around because he thought I could help him get laid. The only perk was that I also got to hang around with this cute ginger chick, she was flat as a pancake sure, but damn she was a total nymph. She must have been a sadist or something cause she always took pleasure in hitting me and telling me how she loved to get wet. But dear god the bane of my existence was this adult couple that I could NOT seem to avoid. You know these types of couples that are absolutely sickening, like they wear matching outfits and finish each other’s sentences? Yeah they were complete creepers, and they had a cat, which was at least twice as annoying as they were, I swear this thing would never shut the hell up. Like I said I ended up moving from town to town getting into fights with other kids my age, even adults from time to time. The only thing that kept me going was my dream to become a pokemon master.
A young boy went up to his father and asked him, Dad,what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?'
The father thought for a moment, then answered, Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.
Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.
Come back and tell me what you learn from that.
So the boy went to his mother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'
The mother replied, 'Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!'
The boy then went to his sister and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'
The girl replied, 'Oh my Hell! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?'
The boy then went to his brother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'
'Of course,' the brother replied. 'Do you know what a million bucks would buy?'
The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.
His father asked him, 'Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?'
The boy replied, 'Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three million dollars ..
But 'realistically', we're living with two hookers and a homo.
Sorry Bill, I'd rather kiss my new boss kthxbye
(http://img513.imageshack.us/img513/4209/att00000lg2.gif)
The best troll ever: http://www.dontevenreply.com/all.php
Read and learn, prospective VN trolls.
The best troll ever: http://www.dontevenreply.com/all.php
Read and learn, prospective VN trolls.
(http://img842.imageshack.us/img842/3263/cpw8b.gif)
* Coarse Language
(http://i.imgur.com/J8C6B.gif)
Go to Google maps
1 ) "Get Directions
2) Starting point: Japan
3) End Point: China
4) Read number 43.
I guess everyone has a bit of Bond within them.
.
"Does Quantas fly to Quatar?"
Monopoly jokes:
(http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_hEqNs8hAyUY/Rz1JTvCVNxI/AAAAAAAAA0U/N4rTzzbFgms/s320/Bogan%252520monopoly.jpg)
Us Asians are so fucking cool.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZQdydWtGis
Us Asians are so fucking cool.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZQdydWtGis
I'd choose the smoking slutty slut any day xD
I think she was referring to the fact that she was there to look after the guy when he was sick whereas screaming lady was "busy"
found these
(http://i79.photobucket.com/albums/j124/ffxboywonder/n514870770_1242202_145.jpg)
Marijuana Xmas tree seized from 'hippie' by German policeLET THE MAN HAVE HIS DAMN TREE.
Marijuana Xmas tree seized from 'hippie' by German policeLET THE MAN HAVE HIS DAMN TREE.
Marijuana is less addictive and causes less damage to someones health than tobacco and tobacco is the legal one.
I don't get it ninwa... "take a picture me dirty"?
I don't get it ninwa... "take a picture me dirty"?
Should be a different output
(http://imgur.com/7pi0l.jpg)
(http://imgur.com/7pi0l.jpg)
"Take a picture for me slut"
I then translated that back into french, and into english again and got:
"Take a picture for me bitch"
Was interested to see what another iteration would yield but unfortunately that one is stable :(
Why Americans should never be allowed to travel
A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggageHaha they're pretty funny
(http://pics.kuvaton.com/kuvei/save_energy2.jpg)
It takes me 20minutes to write the joke so I cbf'd.It was such a wonderful joke though.
(http://imgur.com/7pi0l.jpg)
^wtf...
http://vice.typepad.com/vice_magazine/2009/07/london-babes-of-the-bnp.html
Not sure where to put this, but I found it quite hilarious
http://vice.typepad.com/vice_magazine/2009/07/london-babes-of-the-bnp.html
Not sure where to put this, but I found it quite hilarious
Sure thing. What ethnicity would you most like to make love to?
Oh, God, British.
Outside of that?
Say… black.
But would it be possible to maybe come to a compromise with a noble race like the Chinese? Perhaps keep them on as a sort of servant class?
Yeah. I wouldn’t mind them if they actually worked and didn’t take all of our jobs, basically. I wouldn’t mind them if they contributed something to this country.
SANTA'S BAD DAY
One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for is annual trip, but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum.
When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great Christmas tree.
The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"
Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
(http://www.angryduck.com/pictures/2010_11/Stop_Music_Piracy.jpg)
Also, that pi=4 one is genius, I haven't seen that before.
(http://languagelog.ldc.upenn.edu/~bgzimmer/sows.jpg)This was on media watch a few weeks ago
NOT COOL BRO.
The Japanese government has thanked Britain for sending them rescue dogs. They have all said they tasted lovely.
[I know other Japan jokes, but they're in (even) worst taste and would probably get me into hot soup.]
The Japanese government has thanked Britain for sending them rescue dogs. They have all said they tasted lovely.
[I know other Japan jokes, but they're in (even) worst taste and would probably get me into hot soup.]
(http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljbby7WzNm1qb92rfo1_500.png)
Marginally nsfw
http://i.imgur.com/ff3FU.png
Marginally nsfw
http://i.imgur.com/ff3FU.png
hurr..
hurr......
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
It took me a while to work out the above post in my head. :-\
(http://d3uwin5q170wpc.cloudfront.net/photo/113637_700b_v1.jpg)
The last known armed robbery occurred at 11.48pm on 24 March 2011 on North Road, Murrumbeena. The man threatened the attendant, who armed himself with a pole and chased the robber from the store. The attendant threw the pole at the robber, who armed himself with it and returned to the service station where he attempted to rob it again.
Was gonna post this in News and Politics, but thought it was more appropriate here
(lol @ the thumbnail pictures)
http://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/wales-news/2011/05/19/search-continues-for-man-who-tried-to-board-train-with-horse-91466-28721612/
Whe Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."
^lol, that made me chuckle :)
Why did the chicken cross the road
"It is probably impossible to build this structure with a ribose sugar in place of the deoxyribose sugar"
Why did the chicken cross the road
From the BBT.Again from TBBT.
A neutron walks into a bar asks the bartender how much for a drink, the bartender says for you NO CHARGE.
Ba dum TSHH.
Why did the chicken cross the roadFrom the BBT.Again from TBBT.
A neutron walks into a bar asks the bartender how much for a drink, the bartender says for you NO CHARGE.
Ba dum TSHH.
Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip?
To get to the same side. BAZINGA.
(Since mobius strips only have one side)
We actually made mobius strips in class on the last day of term in yr 11 as and activity. If you draw a line in the middle of the stirp and keep going you will end up back where you started from and it looks like you drew on both sides but there is only one side. I forgot what happens if you cut along the line though.
Step back chemists!
(http://cheezcomixed.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/koma-comic-strip-h-too.jpg)
Chemists do it periodically on the table... :P
(http://i.imgur.com/2FKUD.png)It's so true!!
2. _ _ NDOM
(http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-8oQJKld4VpQ/TuVFa4O32KI/AAAAAAAACqg/DsqdNKLjRhw/s1600/nooffense.png)
That joke is 11653 words long.
That joke is 11653 words long.
Yep, and don't spoil it! :)
Holy ShitThat joke is 11653 words long.
Yep, and don't spoil it! :)
http://longestjokeintheworld.com/
Arguably, the best dancer in the world.How could you call something so skilful a joke?
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/2955885/nathaniel-loves-to-dance
what do you call a mexican who lost his car?what do you call a chinese fob/mexican hybrid who's not sure?
carlos.
(http://www.likeaboss.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/marriage-proposal-like-a-boss.jpg)This guy actually used it XD
I swear Karl Stefanovic is such a cheeky cunt.
I love this guy <3 (no homo).
(http://i40.tinypic.com/vcrtwp.gif)
Goodnight AN :D.
Two behaviourists have sex.
When they are finished, one turns to the other and says:
"It was great for you... How was it for me?"
http://maps.google.com.br/maps?q=Ru...2C0%2C5.13&z=17
Click on the girl's head, or just "walk" along the road looking at her. Not strictly a joke, but made me lol.
Forgot one:relevant:
Why did the chicken cross the road
GRETCHEN WIENERS:
Oh my God. You can't just ask why the chicken crossed the road.
PARIS HILTON:
Huh?
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
BUDDHA:
Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.
THE BIBLE:
And God came down from the heavens and He said unto the chicken, Thou shalt cross the road. And the chicken crossed the road and there was much rejoicing.
BILL O REILLY:
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
HILLARY CLINTON:
Im glad my staff asked you to ask me that question. I chaired the senate chicken investigation which sought to determine exactly why this is happening and what we can do to stop it. I have a great deal of experience with chickens. Im also very very likable and nice, isnt that right Mom?
HILLARY CLINTON (2):
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One, that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.
DARWIN:
Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads.
EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
RALPH WALDO EMERSON:
The chicken did not cross the road. It transcended it.
JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Isnt it obvious? Cant you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the other side. Thats what they call it: the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like the other side. That chicken should not be free to cross the road. Its as plain and simple as that.
SIGMUND FREUD:
The chicken obviously was female and obviously interpreted the pole on which the crosswalk sign was mounted as a phallic symbol of which she was envious, selbstverständlich.
BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken 2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken 2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash or need to be rebooted.
GRANDPA:
In my day, we didnt ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die. In the rain. Alone.
MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
MACHIAVELLI:
The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH:
Finally, a question about something I know about. Down at the ranch in West Texas, we used to hunt chickens and theyd run across the road, where my brother would run over them with a truck. Thats what you call resourcingfulness, and Im full of it.
PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH (2):
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
TONY BLAIR:
I agree with George.
JERRY SEINFELD:
Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesnt anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway? What is wrong with that chicken?
DR. SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road but why it crossed, Ive not been told.
GROUCHO MARX:
Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.
KARL MARX:
To escape the bourgeois middle-class struggle.
MR SCOTT:
'Cos ma wee transporter beam was na functioning proprely. Ah canna work miracles, captain!
DESCARTES:
It had sufficient reason to believe it was dreaming anyway.
ZSA ZSA GABOR:
It probably crossed to get a better look at my legs, which thank goodness are good, dahling.
GREGOR MENDEL:
To get various strains of roads.
SALVADOR DALI:
The Fish.
HENRY DAVID THOREAU:
To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.
JAMES TIBERIUS KIRK:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
BARACK OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!
JOHN MC CAIN:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the Chickens on the other side of the road.
DICK CHENEY:
Where's my gun?
COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE:
I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.
OPRAH:
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the Chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?
KINDERGARTEN TEACHER:
To get to the other side.
JULIUS CAESAR:
It came, it saw, it crossed.
MOHAMMED ALDOURI (Iraqi ambassador):
The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We don't even have a chicken.
WHO:
To further spread Avian Flu to another unprepared country.
DOUGLAS ADAMS:
Forty-two.
ISAAC NEWTON:
Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.
LINUS TORVALDS:
No it was a penguin, chicken is not capable of crossing road.
DAVID ATTENBOROUGH (Animal Planet):
And as we watch the lone chicken undertake this hazardous journey, we can only wonder at the awesome nature of this dangerous, yet necessary, migration.
GOETHE:
The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
HEISENBERG:
We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
MEL GIBSON:
Why do you think the chicken crossed the road? Because its a (censored) Jew. Jews think they can just (censored) cross the street whenever they want. Jewish chickens are responsible for all the wars in the world...are you a Jew??
C++ PROGRAMMER:
chicken->CrossRoad() was called from chicken->GetOtherSide()
ANDERSEN CONSULTING:
Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting ,in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.
HIPPOCRATES:
Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.
SADDAM HUSSEIN:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
CARL JUNG:
The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
RALPH NADER:
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.
AGENT MULDER:
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
NIETZSCHE:
Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.
RICHARD NIXON:
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.
PLATO:
For the greater good.
RONALD REAGAN:
I forget.
SNOOP DOGG:
This (censored) fool of a chicken didn't (censored) know what the (censored) he was doin crossin a (censored) alley in (censored) Harlem at 1:00 in the (censored) mornin'.
JEAN-PAUL SARTRE:
In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
MARK TWAIN:
The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
VOLTAIRE:
I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.
MOLLY YARD:
It was a hen!
JESSICA SIMPSON:
Why would he be one a road, I thought chickens lived in the ocean?
GEORGE ORWELL:
Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests.
HAMLET:
That is not the question.
O.J. SIMPSON:
It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.
BAHA MEN (band):
WHO LET THE CHICKENS OUT.....ku...ku..ku..ku
MICROSOFT:
The Windows Chicken can cross any given road in eleven different ways, not counting the use of wizards who will actually cross the road for the chicken. If you can remember all eleven ways, you can become a Microsoft Certified Poultry Specialist (MCPS). If you come up with new way for the Windows Chicken to cross the road, you can become a Microsoft Certified Solution Provider (MCSP.) But if you come up with a whole new chicken altogether, then you will become a Microsoft Certified Enemy (MSROADKILL).
FOGHORN LEGHORN:
That chick, ah say, that chicken crossed the road on account of I was after her tail feathers.
MOSES:
Know ye that it is unclean to eat the chicken that has crossed the road, and that the chicken that crosseth the road doth so for its own preservation.
BASIL FAWLTY:
Oh, don't mind that chicken. It's from Barcelona.
THE SPHINX:
You tell me.
http://i.imgur.com/gZ7Cr.jpg
Looking for a job?
http://nowhiring.com.au/424936+job+Prime+Minister+of+Australia+ACT.aspx
Looking for a job?Joke already taken
http://nowhiring.com.au/424936+job+Prime+Minister+of+Australia+ACT.aspx
The best troll ever: http://www.dontevenreply.com/all.php
Read and learn, prospective VN trolls.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBCmt_pJTRA
Me: Hey dad, what's the capital of South Africa?
Dad: About $2.50
AHHAHAHAHA.
(http://a5.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/417333_10150724282317502_685462501_11322662_560622927_n.jpg)LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
"omg Tony you can't just ask Kevin why he's white."
So that guy behind the Kony 2012 thing got caught masturbating in public.
Looks like Jason Russel has Invisible Children all over his hands...
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100731152558AAcrgmRLOL should have read the end of that first :P
(http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/155/790/memes-troll-science-thinking-with-portals.jpg)
(http://www.whatireally.com/images/166203950.jpeg)
(http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxntkir7pa1qb5gkjo1_500.jpg)
Where does that lead to? Outside/on top of the roof?
In the Old Engineering Building at UoM:
Only engineers, only engineers.
wwe fans + methods students might understand this..
(https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-RBmhludPChI/T5z0ox0YuPI/AAAAAAAABB8/cGCDh7F69jc/w497-h373/DX.jpg)LOL TWO OF MY FAVE WRESTLERS OF ALL TIME, TRIPLE H AND SEAN MICHAELS FTW!
wwe fans + methods students might understand this..
(https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-RBmhludPChI/T5z0ox0YuPI/AAAAAAAABB8/cGCDh7F69jc/w497-h373/DX.jpg)LOL TWO OF MY FAVE WRESTLERS OF ALL TIME, TRIPLE H AND SEAN MICHAELS FTW!
wwe fans + methods students might understand this..
LOL TWO OF MY FAVE WRESTLERS OF ALL TIME, TRIPLE H AND SEAN MICHAELS FTW!
Well, Fyrefly, i guess you got your confirmation :D
(https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/552901_10150704057263382_754788381_9516615_1530415465_n.jpg)Don't even joke about this... :-[
LOL
Oh and btw to all you meddies out there
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=398507050171315&set=a.398506840171336.92660.269352256420129&type=1&theater
BTW, I DON'T GET THOSE GOOFY MEMES D:
:)Relevant:
Hey, I just met you
And this is crazy,
But I'm pregnant
And it's your baby!
um i dunno if this could be considered a joke but how do you add pictures to your posts? ???
yeah its funny, but im serious :D
[img] PUT IMAGE LINK HERE [/img]
(http://i48.tinypic.com/1gsirt.jpg)Seems legit.
(http://i48.tinypic.com/1gsirt.jpg)http://www.snopes.com/politics/military/stabbedmarine.asp
(http://chzvideogames.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/video-game-memes-gabes-house-was-littered-with-dropped-games.jpg)
HAHAHAH:LOOOOOOL
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VuAXoSnp14M&t=13m33s
If the video doesn't go to the right time, go to 13 mins and 33 seconds.
Want a swig of my coke?
his name is Ajay Devgun
(http://chzsomuchpun.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/5fa22b02-8062-447c-8d79-2051a031a078.jpg)
well that backfired hilariously
I wonder how on earth that happenedIt looks like VCE is the airport code for this airport in Venice, Italy: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Venice_Marco_Polo_Airport
(http://a6.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/562487_225576740888046_208039869308400_357771_1563187193_n.jpg)
(http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4a0n9xg4z1qzcv7no1_r1_500.jpg)(http://a6.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/562487_225576740888046_208039869308400_357771_1563187193_n.jpg)
(http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/20612778.jpg)
(http://www.frodobooth.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/tumblr_m2zx18eY9R1qbohddo1_500.jpg)
(http://www.frodobooth.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/tumblr_m2zx18eY9R1qbohddo1_500.jpg)
OMG SO FKING TRUE.
This is coming from a medical receptionist (read: part-time cryptologist).
(http://images.physicsfails.com/files/2011/08/physics-fail-64.jpg)
(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/funny-pictures-chemistry-cat-pessimist-optimist.jpg)
^^^^^^^^^that's fkn hilarious :P
That reminds me of those stupid groups that end in "LIKE THIS IF YOU CRIED"
Watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UsUYxwIEerI
I lol'd so much.
Made my day.^^^^^^^^^that's fkn hilarious :P
That reminds me of those stupid groups that end in "LIKE THIS IF YOU CRIED"
Watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UsUYxwIEerI
I lol'd so much.
his voice is so good!
I like to think of myself as a champion of those who suffer from what is a very real and debilitating problem and of you as that person who has to ruin everything :'(
And sometimes, for some reason, I think of Mao?you get an upvote from me for thinking of mao
(http://i46.tinypic.com/1zxodq9.jpg)
(http://a6.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/562487_225576740888046_208039869308400_357771_1563187193_n.jpg)
(http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/20612778.jpg)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=hX1YVzdnpEc#!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=hX1YVzdnpEc#!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OWgO9-AIROI&feature=relmfu :D
^^That did not make me laugh. I don't approve.
Well I thought this one was quite stupid :P
(http://i47.tinypic.com/xfx0ue.png)
Emotional times...
(Can someone tell me how to make the picture come up like everyone elses and not an attachment)
(http://d24w6bsrhbeh9d.cloudfront.net/photo/4435633_460s_v1.jpg)You're going to get 'the joy of anal sex with a goat' regardless of what number you pick.
mine was 'the joy of anal sex with a goat'
spot on i must say
You're going to get 'the joy of anal sex with a goat' regardless of what number you pick.Look, I'm sorry to do this but...
Wrong, they never specified the number between 1-9 has to be an integer, thus I picked(http://d24w6bsrhbeh9d.cloudfront.net/photo/4435633_460s_v1.jpg)You're going to get 'the joy of anal sex with a goat' regardless of what number you pick.
mine was 'the joy of anal sex with a goat'
spot on i must say
Wrong, they never specified the number between 1-9 has to be an integer, thus I picked(http://d24w6bsrhbeh9d.cloudfront.net/photo/4435633_460s_v1.jpg)You're going to get 'the joy of anal sex with a goat' regardless of what number you pick.
mine was 'the joy of anal sex with a goat'
spot on i must say
I got , I could not comprehend the definition of "add the 2 digits together" as the number I got was irrational, hence my favorite movie is UNDEFINED.
From 9gag:
(http://a7.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/599281_10150876626616840_1967780960_n.jpg)
(http://chzmemebase.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/internet-memes-cruise.png)(http://a7.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/303541_10150889135493722_1983626706_n.jpg)
(http://d24w6bsrhbeh9d.cloudfront.net/photo/4449303_460s.jpg)you better question it if that's nacho nachos!
Wrong, they never specified the number between 1-9 has to be an integer, thus I picked(http://d24w6bsrhbeh9d.cloudfront.net/photo/4435633_460s_v1.jpg)You're going to get 'the joy of anal sex with a goat' regardless of what number you pick.
mine was 'the joy of anal sex with a goat'
spot on i must say
I got , I could not comprehend the definition of "add the 2 digits together" as the number I got was irrational, hence my favorite movie is UNDEFINED.
post of the year right thereWrong, they never specified the number between 1-9 has to be an integer, thus I picked(http://d24w6bsrhbeh9d.cloudfront.net/photo/4435633_460s_v1.jpg)You're going to get 'the joy of anal sex with a goat' regardless of what number you pick.
mine was 'the joy of anal sex with a goat'
spot on i must say
I got , I could not comprehend the definition of "add the 2 digits together" as the number I got was irrational, hence my favorite movie is UNDEFINED.
(http://img11.imageshack.us/img11/4589/undefinedb.png)
you better question it if that's nacho nachos!just realised this could be an insult
(http://d24w6bsrhbeh9d.cloudfront.net/photo/4435633_460s_v1.jpg)
mine was 'the joy of anal sex with a goat'
spot on i must say
Typical Further student :P(http://d24w6bsrhbeh9d.cloudfront.net/photo/4435633_460s_v1.jpg)
mine was 'the joy of anal sex with a goat'
spot on i must say
I chose a decimal and still got 9. Fail. =_=
LOL sloths are funny
Surgeon, March 23rd 1994 is the day I was born...
Not quite a joke but I found this as creative as it is hilarious.
http://crass.on.ru/flash/pingpong.html
Not quite a joke but I found this as creative as it is hilarious.
http://crass.on.ru/flash/pingpong.html
wtf did i just watch
What's VCAA's favourite type of artillery?
A GATLING GUN!
AHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! da-dum CHH!
Not quite a joke but I found this as creative as it is hilarious.Hhaha that's a Japanese show called 'Kasou Taishou', they have plenty of very clever skits. Youtube for more!
http://crass.on.ru/flash/pingpong.html
(http://a2.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/270954_321182117959265_1758276433_n.jpg?dl=1)
Then shouldn't people who have a greater mass be more attractive? ??? :P
(http://a5.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/598665_10150946002345822_849099178_n.jpg?dl=1)
(http://a5.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/598665_10150946002345822_849099178_n.jpg?dl=1)
(http://imgace.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/gas-who.jpg)
(http://a5.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/598665_10150946002345822_849099178_n.jpg?dl=1)
I believe this was posted by Hutchoo a long, long time ago.
(http://a7.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/s720x720/429673_10150726374038923_54939303922_11216617_1698079647_n.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/PKdEG.jpg)
Future AN Medicine people? :P
(http://a5.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/282309_373633642689763_1788508446_n.jpg)Says the man who DJs on a pair of Logitechs.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMOQnJ-SLHI&feature=player_detailpage#t=24s
Like when we were kids... "BART ISN'T A GUY!?"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMOQnJ-SLHI&feature=player_detailpage#t=24s
Apu isn't Indian! :O
(http://img502.imageshack.us/img502/8049/55186210150907737041242.jpg)
Hey guys, guys, guys, I have an idea.
From now on, if your post doesn't make me laugh, I will dish out some indiscriminate justice with my oversized banhammer.
And 9gag will know I am not to be fucked with.
The cancer that killed /b/ will not step foot here.
for those who haven't seen this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YersIyzsOpc&feature=player_embedded
http://9gag.com/ --> all the hilarity the world will ever need
I concur with ninahttp://9gag.com/ --> all the hilarity the world will ever need
get out
(http://cdn2.holytaco.com/wp-content/uploads/photo/1f/10386/Dead-Baby-Jokes-are-Timeless.jpg)
Brendenhttp://9gag.com/ --> all the hilarity the world will ever need
get out
(http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/7/2010/05/gawker_campfirescreensnapz001.jpg)
(http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/i-should-buy-a-boat-cat.jpg)LOL! Cats don't read and drink coffee/tea and wear clothes. this is the silliest thing i've seen in my life
(http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/i-should-buy-a-boat-cat.jpg)LOL! Cats don't read and drink coffee/tea and wear clothes. this is the silliest thing i've seen in my life
(http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/i-should-buy-a-boat-cat.jpg)LOL! Cats don't read and drink coffee/tea and wear clothes. this is the silliest thing i've seen in my life
Look harder.You have no idea how hard that hit me.
^I swear someone posted that a while ago...
(https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/s480x480/562083_438186829535667_604973128_n.jpg)
(http://a6.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/229920_458761857468739_1745416154_n.jpg)
This is how I get my students. Get on it.
This kid's a mathematician at heart:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YoTIaRyGzac&feature=related
Next WoW patch: Install LaTeXThis kid's a mathematician at heart:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YoTIaRyGzac&feature=related
World of Warcraft. Moderated by an office full of mathematicians.
(http://img0.mmo.mmo4arab.com/news/2011/02/07/wow/wow01.jpg)
\begin{cast}
\select{target1}
\cast[5]{HugeFuckingFireBall}
\end{cast}
\newline
(http://cl.jroo.me/z3/I/r/E/d/a.aaa-Baby-with-cat-funny.jpg)The most adorable baby/cat photo I've seen.
The most adorable baby/cat photo I've seen.sounds like a challenge
The most adorable baby/cat photo I've seen.sounds like a challenge
(http://i.imgur.com/fmaEi.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/pJtxq.jpg)
I don't even want to know what was required to find that photo.(http://i.imgur.com/pJtxq.jpg)
Nacho what do you search up on these days?
Fail.The most adorable baby/cat photo I've seen.sounds like a challenge
The slash is most commonly used as the word substitute for "or" which indicates a choice is present. Example: Male/Female, Y/N, He/She
The most adorable baby/cat photo I've seen.
Nacho what do you search up on these days?"Examples of anarchy"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d85YyEDTBMU&feature=youtu.beThat's a very creative video. I bet her hair is silky smooth after that glorious shower.
What is this. I don't even...
That's a very creative video. I bet her hair is silky smooth after that glorious shower.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d85YyEDTBMU&feature=youtu.be
What is this. I don't even...
(http://i49.tinypic.com/eak4dj.png)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d85YyEDTBMU&feature=youtu.be
What is this. I don't even...
The links to videos on the side... WTF
(http://a2.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/303303_432823156750403_1568973422_n.jpg?dl=1)(http://d24w6bsrhbeh9d.cloudfront.net/photo/4560704_700b.jpg)
(http://a1.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/229868_411399682245149_724347757_n.jpg?dl=1)PAUL I DEMAND YOU STOP STARING AT ME RIGHT NOW!
/facepalm
(https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/252791_432832620071088_312650003_n.jpg)
We also have the same problem in statistics: We're constantly talking about Homoscedasticity and Homogeneity of Variance!/facepalm
(https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/252791_432832620071088_312650003_n.jpg)
Terrible! We have this same problem in Mathematics as well: We're constantly talking about Homeomorphisms, Homomorphisms and Homological Algebra.
We also have the same problem in statistics: We're constantly talking about Homoscedasticity and Homogeneity of Variance!/facepalm
(https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/252791_432832620071088_312650003_n.jpg)
Terrible! We have this same problem in Mathematics as well: We're constantly talking about Homeomorphisms, Homomorphisms and Homological Algebra.
We have the exact same problem in Literature!We also have the same problem in statistics: We're constantly talking about Homoscedasticity and Homogeneity of Variance!/facepalm
(https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/252791_432832620071088_312650003_n.jpg)
Terrible! We have this same problem in Mathematics as well: We're constantly talking about Homeomorphisms, Homomorphisms and Homological Algebra.
Sigh... in biology class, we are talking about homologus chromosomes!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_zvEm1KyQ8
I hope Jessica Biel names her son Batmo.
I hope Jessica Biel names her son Batmo.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjio-F47IfM
Best part is from 4:50 to 6:05. :)
()
So there once was this wasp that lived in a jungle. This was not your ordinary wasp though-he was smart, philosophical even. One day he finally got fed up with his repetitive, insignificant life and decided that he would leave his hive, his family, his entire close-knit wasp community and he would go out into the world and make something of himself, just like the humans do.tl;dr
So the wasp enrolls in school, and passes with flying colors. Remember, this is a very smart wasp. He gets his high school diploma in a little under 3 years, with a 4.0 GPA and all that snazz. After high school, believe it or not, the wasp gets accepted to Harvard. Harvard!
This too proves to be no challenge for our hero, as he graduates in just two years, again a 4.0, on the Dean’s list, and all that snazz. Not to mention all the clubs and sports he was in-the newspaper, rowing, student government-and the fact that he was by far the most popular student on campus. Even his professors looked up to him. He goes on to get two PhDs, and when he finishes his education, the wasp faces a bit of a dilemma. How does he apply his knowledge now?
Where does he go from here? He decides to try out politics. After all, he was popular throughout school, did well in Harvard government. So he runs for mayor, and wins in a landslide. He greatly reforms the city, fixing virtually all its major problems. He runs for governor and again wins in a landslide. Two years later, the presidential election was coming up, and the wasp decides he might as well go for it. Of course, he wins in the largest landslide in US presidential history. His presidency goes exceedingly well-he is loved by all parties, and has the highest approval ratings in history. He also finds the cures for cancer, AIDS, and broken hearts while in the White House.
After 8 years (yes, of course he was reelected) the time has come for him to leave his office. Even his successor his saddened by the wasp’s departure, but they all know it’s what must be done. Back at his vacation home in California his first day after leaving office, the wasp looks back on his long and fruitful life. He realizes that he hasn’t been back to his hive at all since that first day he left. He suddenly feels a twang of guilt as he realizes how much he misses his parents and his little brother. So he heads back to the hive, looking more worn out than he remembers. He goes inside and greets his family, who are overjoyed at the sight of him. He talks about how his life has gone as his family listens in wonderment.
Eventually he decides he is thirsty, so he decides to visit the old watering hole he remembered. Once he gets there though, there’s an extremely long line. He decides it’s worth the wait, so gets in line. One hour. Two hours. This is the slowest moving line he’s ever seen! Eventually he calculates that it could be a few days before he gets to the front of the line, so decides it’s not worth it. He decides to go get some cider to drink instead, but what do you know, another huge line of people waiting for cider! He remembers one other drinking area that never had a long line-fruit punch! So he decides to go get punch. He arrives, and lo and behold, there’s no punch line!
read it, worth it for all the lolz. :PSo there once was this wasp that lived in a jungle. This was not your ordinary wasp though-he was smart, philosophical even. One day he finally got fed up with his repetitive, insignificant life and decided that he would leave his hive, his family, his entire close-knit wasp community and he would go out into the world and make something of himself, just like the humans do.tl;dr
So the wasp enrolls in school, and passes with flying colors. Remember, this is a very smart wasp. He gets his high school diploma in a little under 3 years, with a 4.0 GPA and all that snazz. After high school, believe it or not, the wasp gets accepted to Harvard. Harvard!
This too proves to be no challenge for our hero, as he graduates in just two years, again a 4.0, on the Dean’s list, and all that snazz. Not to mention all the clubs and sports he was in-the newspaper, rowing, student government-and the fact that he was by far the most popular student on campus. Even his professors looked up to him. He goes on to get two PhDs, and when he finishes his education, the wasp faces a bit of a dilemma. How does he apply his knowledge now?
Where does he go from here? He decides to try out politics. After all, he was popular throughout school, did well in Harvard government. So he runs for mayor, and wins in a landslide. He greatly reforms the city, fixing virtually all its major problems. He runs for governor and again wins in a landslide. Two years later, the presidential election was coming up, and the wasp decides he might as well go for it. Of course, he wins in the largest landslide in US presidential history. His presidency goes exceedingly well-he is loved by all parties, and has the highest approval ratings in history. He also finds the cures for cancer, AIDS, and broken hearts while in the White House.
After 8 years (yes, of course he was reelected) the time has come for him to leave his office. Even his successor his saddened by the wasp’s departure, but they all know it’s what must be done. Back at his vacation home in California his first day after leaving office, the wasp looks back on his long and fruitful life. He realizes that he hasn’t been back to his hive at all since that first day he left. He suddenly feels a twang of guilt as he realizes how much he misses his parents and his little brother. So he heads back to the hive, looking more worn out than he remembers. He goes inside and greets his family, who are overjoyed at the sight of him. He talks about how his life has gone as his family listens in wonderment.
Eventually he decides he is thirsty, so he decides to visit the old watering hole he remembered. Once he gets there though, there’s an extremely long line. He decides it’s worth the wait, so gets in line. One hour. Two hours. This is the slowest moving line he’s ever seen! Eventually he calculates that it could be a few days before he gets to the front of the line, so decides it’s not worth it. He decides to go get some cider to drink instead, but what do you know, another huge line of people waiting for cider! He remembers one other drinking area that never had a long line-fruit punch! So he decides to go get punch. He arrives, and lo and behold, there’s no punch line!
read it, worth it for all the lolz. :PSo there once was this wasp that lived in a jungle. This was not your ordinary wasp though-he was smart, philosophical even. One day he finally got fed up with his repetitive, insignificant life and decided that he would leave his hive, his family, his entire close-knit wasp community and he would go out into the world and make something of himself, just like the humans do.tl;dr
So the wasp enrolls in school, and passes with flying colors. Remember, this is a very smart wasp. He gets his high school diploma in a little under 3 years, with a 4.0 GPA and all that snazz. After high school, believe it or not, the wasp gets accepted to Harvard. Harvard!
This too proves to be no challenge for our hero, as he graduates in just two years, again a 4.0, on the Dean’s list, and all that snazz. Not to mention all the clubs and sports he was in-the newspaper, rowing, student government-and the fact that he was by far the most popular student on campus. Even his professors looked up to him. He goes on to get two PhDs, and when he finishes his education, the wasp faces a bit of a dilemma. How does he apply his knowledge now?
Where does he go from here? He decides to try out politics. After all, he was popular throughout school, did well in Harvard government. So he runs for mayor, and wins in a landslide. He greatly reforms the city, fixing virtually all its major problems. He runs for governor and again wins in a landslide. Two years later, the presidential election was coming up, and the wasp decides he might as well go for it. Of course, he wins in the largest landslide in US presidential history. His presidency goes exceedingly well-he is loved by all parties, and has the highest approval ratings in history. He also finds the cures for cancer, AIDS, and broken hearts while in the White House.
After 8 years (yes, of course he was reelected) the time has come for him to leave his office. Even his successor his saddened by the wasp’s departure, but they all know it’s what must be done. Back at his vacation home in California his first day after leaving office, the wasp looks back on his long and fruitful life. He realizes that he hasn’t been back to his hive at all since that first day he left. He suddenly feels a twang of guilt as he realizes how much he misses his parents and his little brother. So he heads back to the hive, looking more worn out than he remembers. He goes inside and greets his family, who are overjoyed at the sight of him. He talks about how his life has gone as his family listens in wonderment.
Eventually he decides he is thirsty, so he decides to visit the old watering hole he remembered. Once he gets there though, there’s an extremely long line. He decides it’s worth the wait, so gets in line. One hour. Two hours. This is the slowest moving line he’s ever seen! Eventually he calculates that it could be a few days before he gets to the front of the line, so decides it’s not worth it. He decides to go get some cider to drink instead, but what do you know, another huge line of people waiting for cider! He remembers one other drinking area that never had a long line-fruit punch! So he decides to go get punch. He arrives, and lo and behold, there’s no punch line!
So there once was this wasp that lived in a jungle. This was not your ordinary wasp though-he was smart, philosophical even. One day he finally got fed up with his repetitive, insignificant life and decided that he would leave his hive, his family, his entire close-knit wasp community and he would go out into the world and make something of himself, just like the humans do.(http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6kxhueORD1qdg6of.gif)
So the wasp enrolls in school, and passes with flying colors. Remember, this is a very smart wasp. He gets his high school diploma in a little under 3 years, with a 4.0 GPA and all that snazz. After high school, believe it or not, the wasp gets accepted to Harvard. Harvard!
This too proves to be no challenge for our hero, as he graduates in just two years, again a 4.0, on the Dean’s list, and all that snazz. Not to mention all the clubs and sports he was in-the newspaper, rowing, student government-and the fact that he was by far the most popular student on campus. Even his professors looked up to him. He goes on to get two PhDs, and when he finishes his education, the wasp faces a bit of a dilemma. How does he apply his knowledge now?
Where does he go from here? He decides to try out politics. After all, he was popular throughout school, did well in Harvard government. So he runs for mayor, and wins in a landslide. He greatly reforms the city, fixing virtually all its major problems. He runs for governor and again wins in a landslide. Two years later, the presidential election was coming up, and the wasp decides he might as well go for it. Of course, he wins in the largest landslide in US presidential history. His presidency goes exceedingly well-he is loved by all parties, and has the highest approval ratings in history. He also finds the cures for cancer, AIDS, and broken hearts while in the White House.
After 8 years (yes, of course he was reelected) the time has come for him to leave his office. Even his successor his saddened by the wasp’s departure, but they all know it’s what must be done. Back at his vacation home in California his first day after leaving office, the wasp looks back on his long and fruitful life. He realizes that he hasn’t been back to his hive at all since that first day he left. He suddenly feels a twang of guilt as he realizes how much he misses his parents and his little brother. So he heads back to the hive, looking more worn out than he remembers. He goes inside and greets his family, who are overjoyed at the sight of him. He talks about how his life has gone as his family listens in wonderment.
Eventually he decides he is thirsty, so he decides to visit the old watering hole he remembered. Once he gets there though, there’s an extremely long line. He decides it’s worth the wait, so gets in line. One hour. Two hours. This is the slowest moving line he’s ever seen! Eventually he calculates that it could be a few days before he gets to the front of the line, so decides it’s not worth it. He decides to go get some cider to drink instead, but what do you know, another huge line of people waiting for cider! He remembers one other drinking area that never had a long line-fruit punch! So he decides to go get punch. He arrives, and lo and behold, there’s no punch line!
So there once was this wasp that lived in a jungle. This was not your ordinary wasp though-he was smart, philosophical even. One day he finally got fed up with his repetitive, insignificant life and decided that he would leave his hive, his family, his entire close-knit wasp community and he would go out into the world and make something of himself, just like the humans do.
So the wasp enrolls in school, and passes with flying colors. Remember, this is a very smart wasp. He gets his high school diploma in a little under 3 years, with a 4.0 GPA and all that snazz. After high school, believe it or not, the wasp gets accepted to Harvard. Harvard!
This too proves to be no challenge for our hero, as he graduates in just two years, again a 4.0, on the Dean’s list, and all that snazz. Not to mention all the clubs and sports he was in-the newspaper, rowing, student government-and the fact that he was by far the most popular student on campus. Even his professors looked up to him. He goes on to get two PhDs, and when he finishes his education, the wasp faces a bit of a dilemma. How does he apply his knowledge now?
Where does he go from here? He decides to try out politics. After all, he was popular throughout school, did well in Harvard government. So he runs for mayor, and wins in a landslide. He greatly reforms the city, fixing virtually all its major problems. He runs for governor and again wins in a landslide. Two years later, the presidential election was coming up, and the wasp decides he might as well go for it. Of course, he wins in the largest landslide in US presidential history. His presidency goes exceedingly well-he is loved by all parties, and has the highest approval ratings in history. He also finds the cures for cancer, AIDS, and broken hearts while in the White House.
After 8 years (yes, of course he was reelected) the time has come for him to leave his office. Even his successor his saddened by the wasp’s departure, but they all know it’s what must be done. Back at his vacation home in California his first day after leaving office, the wasp looks back on his long and fruitful life. He realizes that he hasn’t been back to his hive at all since that first day he left. He suddenly feels a twang of guilt as he realizes how much he misses his parents and his little brother. So he heads back to the hive, looking more worn out than he remembers. He goes inside and greets his family, who are overjoyed at the sight of him. He talks about how his life has gone as his family listens in wonderment.
Eventually he decides he is thirsty, so he decides to visit the old watering hole he remembered. Once he gets there though, there’s an extremely long line. He decides it’s worth the wait, so gets in line. One hour. Two hours. This is the slowest moving line he’s ever seen! Eventually he calculates that it could be a few days before he gets to the front of the line, so decides it’s not worth it. He decides to go get some cider to drink instead, but what do you know, another huge line of people waiting for cider! He remembers one other drinking area that never had a long line-fruit punch! So he decides to go get punch. He arrives, and lo and behold, there’s no punch line!
(http://i.imgur.com/8imlF.jpg)Bambi.
interesting ad... (although, apparently to the fb comments from where I stole it, the meaning suits it :P )
(http://www.trolism.com/images/2012/June/10/4fd567ad36763.jpg)
(http://a5.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/486580_397649010283009_681216125_n.jpg?dl=1)Love it.
(http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/i-dont-get-it-the-answer-is-5.jpg)
That's what she said(http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/i-dont-get-it-the-answer-is-5.jpg)
That's not long, nor hard, and neither is the answer 5.
What the fuck is wrong with you.
(http://img708.imageshack.us/img708/2416/scrubs8dc7dc3886754.jpg)
(http://www.sillyfun.com/funpages/stylin.jpg)
(http://legacy-cdn.smosh.com/smosh-pit/042011/potter-points.jpg)
(http://funny-pictures-blog.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/Funny-Pictures-Emma-Watson.jpg)(http://legacy-cdn.smosh.com/smosh-pit/042011/potter-points.jpg)
This thread is now about Emma Watson
This
Thread
Is
Now
About
Emma
Watson
<3
(http://funny-pictures-blog.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/Funny-Pictures-Emma-Watson.jpg)(http://legacy-cdn.smosh.com/smosh-pit/042011/potter-points.jpg)
This thread is now about Emma Watson
This
Thread
Is
Now
About
Emma
Watson
<3
The Shire.
The Shire.(http://a2.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/389037_4367822636507_208839990_n.jpg)
The Shire.
Being Lara BingleDon't forget the Shire! =.=
Being Lara BingleJust Lara Bingle in general to be honest.
(http://img215.imageshack.us/img215/2581/40584157959512930928190.jpg)Clearly the glass is completely full; half in the liquid state and half in the gaseous state.
(http://img215.imageshack.us/img215/2581/40584157959512930928190.jpg)*Kleptoman.
(http://a4.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/283626_10151046072162250_1118687059_n.jpg)No. If the printer jams, someone will have to clear it out. That'll be a caesarean.
Some observations though:
- Wouldn't it be wireless?
- If an abortion happens, would that be a printer jam?
(http://a4.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/283626_10151046072162250_1118687059_n.jpg)
Some observations though:
- Wouldn't it be wireless?
- If an abortion happens, would that be a printer jam?
That's harsh.You clearly aren't familiar enough with this novel.
I opened it to a random page and read the first sentence on the page. Was something along the lines of "I'm going to fuck you on the couch right now. For my pleasure, not yours".....
wut.
I opened it to a random page and read the first sentence on the page. Was something along the lines of "I'm going to fuck you on the couch right now. For my pleasure, not yours".....
wut.
You do realise this is the "Jokes thread"? Not "Share your recent internet search history thread!".
I opened it to a random page and read the first sentence on the page. Was something along the lines of "I'm going to fuck you on the couch right now. For my pleasure, not yours".....
wut.
You do realise this is the "Jokes thread"? Not "Share your recent internet search history thread!".
Well, I thought it was quite funny that when I opened the book and turned to a random page, that's the first sentence I read.
Don't see the humour in it? I don't care!
What humour?
Chill out dude he was joking :)I opened it to a random page and read the first sentence on the page. Was something along the lines of "I'm going to fuck you on the couch right now. For my pleasure, not yours".....
wut.
You do realise this is the "Jokes thread"? Not "Share your recent internet search history thread!".
Well, I thought it was quite funny that when I opened the book and turned to a random page, that's the first sentence I read.
Don't see the humour in it? I don't care!
You do realise this is the "Jokes thread"? Not "Share your recent internet search history thread!".
The shit that comes out of George Bush's mouth.
Throw food on your family!
Make the pie higher!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Be6tunbRcs8
(On that note, is there any way to make the video play in your comment on atarnotes?)
(http://www.gagbay.com/images/2012/07/women_are_too_classy_to_watch_porn-107691.jpg)
(http://a8.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/599788_327473127341944_1956413457_n.jpg)
You do realise that he was referring to the book 50 shades of grey.... ::)I opened it to a random page and read the first sentence on the page. Was something along the lines of "I'm going to fuck you on the couch right now. For my pleasure, not yours".....
wut.
You do realise this is the "Jokes thread"? Not "Share your recent internet search history thread!".
I love QR memes. Can't wait for some of them to pop up on this thread. I guess I'll choose one of my favourites.
(http://i.imgur.com/VhpzR.gif)
(https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/229877_338159526254553_15790119_n.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/LPKxd.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/QXq82.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/GQ35V.jpg)
(http://a5.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/246420_401709393203497_325011728_n.jpg)
hehe
(http://i.imgur.com/VhpzR.gif)
(https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/229877_338159526254553_15790119_n.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/LPKxd.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/QXq82.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/GQ35V.jpg)
(http://a5.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/246420_401709393203497_325011728_n.jpg)
You do realise this is the "Jokes thread"? Not "Share your recent internet search history thread!".
This is such a good idea for a thread. On the other hand I don't think I really want to know...
I'm going to hell for this...
(http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ldn2dpQxnV1qa7t32.gif)
(http://cdn.iwastesomuchtime.com/7172012051422iwsmt.jpeg)
(http://cdn.iwastesomuchtime.com/7172012051422iwsmt.jpeg)
(http://cdn.iwastesomuchtime.com/7172012051422iwsmt.jpeg)
Vodka in a vodka bottle? :D
Is it just me, because I dont see it...^
(https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/532542_249853098451627_872430338_n.jpg)
http://www.ntnews.com.au/article/2011/02/12/212161_ntnews.html(https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/532542_249853098451627_872430338_n.jpg)
Please tell me there's a link to that story!?
(https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/217937_389977347722059_2035198485_n.jpg)
So boss:(http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/11659298.jpg)
(http://a2.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/547864_10150966757132219_587373062_n.jpg)
;D
dafuk WHY CAN'T I UNSEE THIS!!!!
(https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/427051_445815638784382_2137154525_n.jpg)
dafuk WHY CAN'T I UNSEE THIS!!!!Doesn't Bart have the same colour of clothing? I will never unsee that just like (http://www.dudelol.com/img/kfc-logo-you-can-never-unsee-it.jpg)
(N.B. this image is a little crude in the caption, so be warned, sorry)
(https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/427051_445815638784382_2137154525_n.jpg)
(http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/187/250/tumblr_lt3e7naFcb1qhvty6o1_400.png)
(http://a4.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/484437_452413938122661_750234958_n.jpg)I actually remember that episode
This is golden.
inb4 rohit
(http://i.imgur.com/nuluM.jpg)
This is golden.
lol'd at the surname :P
(https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/251843_446943162004963_2069453276_n.jpg)
respect is now disabled for this subforum, now please stop posting unfunny memesDon't worry guys, she disabled respect, you can now post 9gag without fear of retribution!
now please stop posting unfunny memes
banhammer is retribution >:[
This thread is weird without the respect system.I agree, there won't be anymore "Posts of the week" from the Jokes Thread.
This thread is weird without the respect system.
We got rid of it because it was intended to be for helpful posts not 'posts that make me laugh'
Also in an attempt to stop the posting of horrific memes >.<
We got rid of it because it was intended to be for helpful posts not 'posts that make me laugh'
Also in an attempt to stop the posting of horrific memes >.<
The former sounds right, but i doubt getting rid of respect system is going to change the latter XD
We got rid of it because it was intended to be for helpful posts not 'posts that make me laugh'
Also in an attempt to stop the posting of horrific memes >.<
The former sounds right, but i doubt getting rid of respect system is going to change the latter XD
This thread is weird without the respect system.
WE SHALL REBEL AGAINST THIS CRUEL SYSTEM.... +1
IF ANYONE WANTS TO UP VOTE, JUST PUT '+1' WHEN YOU QUOTE THE PERSON(S).
WE WILL NOT SURRENDER..
(kidding, don't ban me pls)
I'm warning you, don't anger the ninatron
The website was already posted before though if I recall properly.
This is just an example of what the person does (troll emails). I have modified some swearing.
Tree Removal Barter
Posted at: 2010-01-22 02:20:47
Original ad:
i need a grille not the cole kind but the gas kind. i will barter my skill as a landscaper in turn for a good grille if u need any kind of landscape work
From Me to **************@***********.org:
Hello,
I saw your ad looking for a grill in exchange for your landscaping skills. Do you do tree removal? If so, there is a very expensive grill in it for you.
Thanks,
Mike
From josh ******* to Me:
yes
From me to josh *******:
Great! There is a pine tree that has been bothering me and I want it cut down. You won't have to remove it. It hasn't been a problem until about two years ago when it got much taller. My problem with it is that it is obscuring the view to my neighbor's upstairs bathroom window. I used to have a perfect view of the neighbor's wife changing in the bathroom every day. She had great tits and an ass that was out of this world. It really completed my morning whenever I caught a glimpse of her. Now that this damn pine tree is in the way, I can't see a thing.
If you could go onto my neighbor's property and cut the tree down while they are at work, I will let you take the grill that is outside on their patio. I'm not sure what brand it is, but it is a gigantic propane grill. It looks really nice.
If they ask about it, I will tell them that a huge storm happened while they were at work, and the wind blew the tree over and blew the grill away. Meanwhile you will be enjoying a delicious salisbury steak from your new grill, and I wil be enjoying my neighbor's hot wife as she steps into the shower.
They usually leave for work around 7:30 AM during the week, and come back home around 6:00 PM. If you could have it done before they get back on Monday, that would be great.
Thanks,
Mike
From josh ******* to Me:
wat the fu** r u smoking dude? so i cut down ur neigbors tree and u let me steal his grille. what a grate deal ass hole. how bout i just take the grille and dont cut down the tree u fu**
From me to josh *******:
You don't know where his house is, so how are you going to steal the grill? I think my information in exchange for your services is a fair trade. I'll even let you come over for a few beers afterward, and we can watch the wife in the bathroom from my bedroom window.
Mike
From josh ******* to Me:
i dont want a stolen grille i want a real grille u fu** wat da fu** is ur problem. and i dont give a shit bout naked neigbor u fu**ing perv
From me to josh *******:
I assure you that this grill is real. By cutting down the tree, you are earning the grill and it will not be stolen. Also, if seeing a naked woman isn't your thing, you could probably catch the husband changing in the bathroom as well. I won't be watching, but I'm not one to judge your lifestyle.
Mike
From josh ******* to Me:
Fu*******************************************FUFUFUFUFUFU************
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zzSpPaCIG0g&feature=relatedLOL. Thanks for that, this video relates perfectly to what I have been bagging my friend over for the past week. Ya man.
This video is freaking hilarious!
There was an engineering student who rode up to his friend on a bike on campus. "You'll never guess what happened today!"
"What?"
"This beautiful women rode up to me on her bike, dropped it to the ground, stripped all of her clothes off, and then with her arms spread open yelled out 'TAKE ANYTHING YOU WANT!"
His friend looked down at the bike and said "hmmmmm, good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week, and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now, that's cool!"
mX pisses off Dear Leader
(http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m806eovPWR1qdlh1io1_400.gif)
owned.
(http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m748norRla1qhwuczo1_500.gif)
dat cas
(http://blog.contriving.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/550x486xgtfo-im-doing-science-naked-girl1.jpg.pagespeed.ic.wcMzuU2Ain.jpg)
Is it just me, or did the volume of posts here markedly decrease the moment there was no longer respect? :(
Is it just me, or did the volume of posts here markedly decrease the moment there was no longer respect? :(
Is it just me, or did the volume of posts here markedly decrease the moment there was no longer respect? :(
And for once we actually have a useful post as our 'message of the week'.
You guys do realise that it is people complaining about not having respect in here that is actually ruining this thread rather than the actual loss of respect? (and you can't blame that on respect being taken away, it's your choice whether to post or not).I will have to agree.
The jokes thread was being unfair on those who do help out on here and have tutoring ads in the tutoring section. And for once we actually have a useful post as our 'message of the week'.
Can't a system be managed where the respect earned here doesn't count to your overall respect ? like that, the post would get the "respect" and not the actual user who posted it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-DTQPBUJJ4
Found this amusing.
Paul's sig:
"I want to study medicine for the same three reason as everybody else does - chicks, money, power and chicks"
Surely he meant...
"I want to study medicine for the same three reason as everybody else does - curry chicks,money, powerand curry chicks"
Paul's sig:
"I want to study medicine for the same three reason as everybody else does - chicks, money, power and chicks"
Surely he meant...
"I want to study medicine for the same three reason as everybody else does - curry chicks,money, powerand curry chicks"
(http://a5.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/388036_10151119528004842_1152594823_n.jpg)
Freaking monash.
LOL (saw this on the way to Melb Uni open day)
It stopped when the Melbourne Model was introduced.(http://a5.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/388036_10151119528004842_1152594823_n.jpg)
Freaking monash.
LOL (saw this on the way to Melb Uni open day)
The University of Melbourne is helping stop the spread of dengue fever and irritating mosquito bites in general by killing all mosquitos.
We think that's smarter.
University of Melbourne - Where being better has never stopped.
:P
(https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/375860_520514497963361_1503145186_n.jpg)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=_YQpbzQ6gzs
(full version of the last one http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMuorX2mgrw&feature=fvwrel )
and then see this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3zU0WXj4Wk&feature=relmfu
What happened to the respect button on the jokes thread?
Sorry but this "bodybuilder" appeared on my newsfeed and I just cracked up
(https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/487604_525675407447930_952944530_n.jpg)
(his biceps aren't the only bits "tense" LMFAO)
I would upvote this if I could. :P
(http://sphotos-b.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/230560_441890775862985_775678329_n.jpg)
that guy has been masturbating too much that's for sureor not enough?
Sorry but this "bodybuilder" appeared on my newsfeed and I just cracked up
(https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/487604_525675407447930_952944530_n.jpg)
(his biceps aren't the only bits "tense" LMFAO)
Wow, boner or not.. Those arms are FUCKING HUGE. LIKE HOLY FUCK THOSE ARE THE BIGGEST ARMS I'VE SEEN X_X
That's not the only thing he can't touch.Sorry but this "bodybuilder" appeared on my newsfeed and I just cracked up
(https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/487604_525675407447930_952944530_n.jpg)
(his biceps aren't the only bits "tense" LMFAO)
Wow, boner or not.. Those arms are FUCKING HUGE. LIKE HOLY FUCK THOSE ARE THE BIGGEST ARMS I'VE SEEN X_X
But he can't touch his shoulders :O
LOL. Guy was probably on the 'roids. Those things give you a constant phallus erectus.
Wow.. :oLOL. Guy was probably on the 'roids. Those things give you a constant phallus erectus.you'reTrueTears is the only reason my phallus is constantly erectus ;)
(http://sphotos-h.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/271050_4358966985406_66264710_n.jpg)
(http://sphotos-h.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/271050_4358966985406_66264710_n.jpg)
Hmmm rangaaaaaa :P
ALSO, ...
(https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/580327_277273122389248_836906320_n.jpg)
(https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/550151_4770741829322_1627698381_n.jpg)
Came up on my FB news feed ahahahha
(http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m8tti0w4yI1rr362xo1_1280.jpg)
Oak: Ash, is your Mum still single?HAHAHAHAHAHAHA OMFG I think the funniest thing about this was Henry using several fullstops and winking! LOL
Ash: Yeah...
Oak: Here's a Pokédex. Don't come back until you've seen and captured every Pokémon in this region.
..
...
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;)
This is quite hilarious: http://www.aktifmag.com/top-20-of-2012-famous-thinkers-quoting-herald-sun-readers/
(http://i.imgur.com/AaP1bfs.png)
Pretty mean if you think about it, but it was still hilarious! HAHAHA ;DThat TV must be amazing.
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=544652665582752&set=vb.446485138732839&type=2&theater#
If we're doing pranks now:
That TV must be amazing.
If we're doing pranks now:
The guy who speaks in the background at about 2:00 sounds like Squidward.
What makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A -R -D-W-O -R -K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K -N -O -W-L -E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5
= 96%
But,
A-T -T -I -T -U -D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
and,
B -U -L -L -S -H-I -T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S -S -K -I -S-S -I -N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7
= 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while hard work and knowledge will get you close, and attitude will get you there, its the bullshit and ass kissing that will put you over the top.
Keep this thread going!Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha this is actually fantastic.
A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. The wife says, "Is it a boy or a girl?"
The logician says, "Yes."
http://www.mambaonline.com/2013/09/11/student-scientifically-proves-gay-marriage-is-wrong/
http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=107926751Legitimately the most consistently I've laughed since the first time I saw Forgetting Sarah Marshall. What the fuck just happened. Crying lol
Maybe some Physics jokes. Although I should post a few of the best ones in my opinion:these jokes hertz.
(https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/enhanced/webdr06/2013/9/6/10/enhanced-buzz-26747-1378479000-24.jpg?no-auto)
(https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/enhanced/webdr06/2013/9/6/20/enhanced-buzz-31057-1378513107-7.jpg?no-auto)
literally lauren will seriously hunt you down (and probably ban you) if you put any knock-knock jokes in... seriously. :P
If you want a trip down memory lane of all OG jokes then here's your thread: Jokes thread ;)I reckon the +1s are a good motivator for people to produce better content tbh
On a more serious note (and not to be kill-joy) but before the thread gets any bigger, would suggest this thread to be moved to Forum Games board to avoid 'Message of the Week' being filled with just memes (dank memes are good but may lead to abuse for those juicy +1's) but yeah may outshine actual helpful posts on the forum in future :P
I reckon the +1s are a good motivator for people to produce better content tbh
Last one to post in the old joke thread. First one to necro it unnecessarily #schooledPlease do not double post. If you need to make another comment, edit your previous post.
Please do not double post. If you need to make another comment, edit your previous post.I am putting you on a 48 hour post ban - please don't be silly on the forums.
Please do not double post. If you need to make another comment, edit your previous post.I wouldn't do that to Brenden lol.
I am putting you on a 48 hour post ban - please don't be silly on the forums.Please keep all the posts on this thread relevant to its topic. If you have any personal quarrels or further questions, feel free to either send a PM or create a new thread.
Please keep all the posts on this thread relevant to its topic. If you have any personal quarrels or further questions, feel free to either send a PM or create a new thread.I know this is a place for jokes, so I feel bad saying something that I am not joking about:
I am only responding to brenden publicly to ensure that the message is passed on.
I know this is a place for jokes, so I feel bad saying something that I am not joking about:
I am coming for you Swagadaktal. I am coming for you.
Please keep all the posts on this thread relevant to its topic. If you have any personal quarrels or further questions, feel free to either send a PM or create a new thread.
I am only responding to brenden publicly to ensure that the message is passed on.
How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature?SpoilerRomeostasis
Just heard this awesome one from my grandpa:Um.. woah O.o
After being married for 30 years a wife asked her husband to describe her.
He looked at her for a little while then said "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."
She asked "What does that mean?"
He replied "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, and Humble."
The wife smiled happily and said, "Oh., that's so lovely, but what about the I, J, and K?"
"I'm just kidding", he said.
I try to tell chemistry jokes periodically but all the good ones argon, so...I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.
Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: Because they're cheaper than day rates.
Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react.
I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.I was contemplating not to . . .
what
what
Part two added to my post above!I am enthralled
theDuck?
A new thread to share the best and lamest jokes!Oh dear.... *smacks head emoji*
I'll start off:
I wanted to surprise my boyfriends with a limo date so I went off to the limo shop and there was a huge line but I thought "He is important, I'll wait" and hour later I hired a limo. Then I thought flowers would be cute so I went off to the florists and there was an even bigger line but I thought "He is important, I'll wait" and two hours later I bought some flowers. Later that night my boyfriend wanted a drink so I got up to get some punch butSpoilerTHERE WAS NO PUNCH LINE!
So a horse walks into a bar and is greeted with a polite "hey" from the bartender, the horse then looks him in the eyes and says "sure why not?"